Family. Nothing good comes of it.

10 years later, and sadly, this still holds. My father died in 2017, but the rest of them are still just as fucked up. Aside from a brief visit for dad’s death, I’ve not been up there. No regrets. -A, Jan 2019

So today I decide to suck it up and call my brother to give a heads up that we’re not coming up to that Vortex of Depression for Thanksgiving or Xmas. We decided that we’re going to go on a vacation instead since it’s been a tough year and we don’t need any more stress.

He then proceeds to rip me a new asshole for “turning my back on my mother.” Um, what? Apparently he’s been working himself into a lather about this “feud” going on with June. Well, first of all, it’s not a “feud” it’s just me being tired of her shit. If she wants to call and apologize, my fucking phone # is the same, yanno? (Quick recap: Last time we were up there, June attacked us one morning and called us everything but white folk and demeaned Nick. June can say whatever she wants to me, I don’t care anymore, but getting Nick involved is unacceptable. I told her this, she knows she fucked up and she can fix it if she wants to, but apparently she does not.)

So, my brother then proceeds to trot out the old family nuggets such as:

“You don’t care about us! You left!”
“What have YOU done with your life? Besides get bullshit degrees that you never use?”
“Prove that you use your degrees! Prove it! They are bullshit and you never use them!”
“You owe us. Who helped you pay the bills when you were getting those bullshit degrees?”
“You’ve never done anything with your life! Show us one thing you’ve MADE.”
“You’ve never showed us respect! You were WRONG to leave.”
“You should stop being so stupid and just be a part of this family for a change.”
“If you respected your mother and father you’d call and apologise to them.”
And my FAVE from June:
“You are SO STUPID. Why do you have to use those computers? You’re an idiot because you use computers.”

All of the above is nothing more than their attempts to guilt and/or shame me into putting up with their nonsense. It’s as if my brother is a recorder of my mother’s propaganda and he just repeats what he’s told. And my response to the above accusations are:

“Yes I fucking left. Best thing I’ve ever done.”
“I use my degrees every day of my life. You don’t believe this because you do not value education. I shouldn’t need to prove it to you.”
“I’ve made plenty of websites, ads, flyers, logos and let’s not forget art. But THOSE things obviously don’t count, do they?”
“You are correct, I don’t respect you. I find you ignorant and backwards and hateful and I’ll do anything to NOT be like you.”
“I’m forty fucking four years old and I’m not playing the Appease The Family Game any longer. Sorry. Not my fault, no apology is forthcoming. I don’t put up with this shit from anyone else, why should I continue to put up with it from the likes of you?”
And to June: “Oh, I’m the dumb one? This from someone who can’t figure out how to use an answering machine and has to have emails printed out and mailed to her? Got it.”

I don’t put up with shit from ANYONE, so why in the hell should I keep putting up with them? The level of contempt they have for me is breathtaking! They lie to my face, stab me in the back, call me stupid, selfish, uppity, disrespectful and tell me to fuck off. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of insults I’ve endured from them. Then when I do just that and I don’t talk to them, that’s my fault too and I’m just being childish and causing feuds.

Let me put the record straight once and for all. I truly hope one of the luddites comes across this one day. They think I’m evil? Well, let me tell you what I think of them. If you don’t care about my family drama, don’t bother going past the cut. This post is for me anyway. I just need to get it OUT.

I think my family (brother, mother and father) are the most backwards, ignorant, selfish, narrow minded, mean, petty, jealous, and did I mention narrow minded? people I’ve ever been around. They lie when it suits them, they cheat, they think that the rules apply to everyone but them, they make stupid decisions then blame everyone else for them, they would rather sit there and let the world go by than be bothered to LEARN something. Their mantra is if they don’t know it already, then they don’t need to know it. They deeply resent anyone possessing more knowledge than they have, yet they will do nothing to change it, they’ll just bad mouth the “smartass.” They can’t stand dissent in any form, you’re for ’em or you’re against them. They are jealous that I left that hellhole and have a happy life. They resent me because I won’t be controlled by them. They treat me like I’m the dumbest bitch they’ve ever met, yet I am the one who went to school, made myself a life and moved beyond their narrow minded, depressed little world.

My brother, The Perfect One, is the one who has been in all sorts of trouble, got a gold digging redneck knocked up, gave her $28k THEN ended up raising the kid by himself and lets his mommy run his life. And that’s just the way June wants it. She can’t STAND me because I won’t let her control me. Her mother controlled her and treated her like chattel, therefore I OWE IT TO HER to allow her to treat me the same way and put up with any and all abuse she chooses to pile on me. I choose not to comply. Therefore I am evil.

I’ve never gotten more than cursory attention from my parents. They threw money at both me AND my brother (although he has convinced himself it was just me) rather than actually, you know, SHOW us love and support. Money does not equal Love, dumbasses. My brother resents me because he feels that I got more MONEY than he did since I went to “bullshit” college and my parents helped me. Yes, they did help, but lemme tell you something, it was my GRANDMOTHER who paid for most of my college. They can revise history all they want, but the numbers don’t lie.

My brother also conveniently forgets that he has always had access to ALL the family money AND the business (which he was forced into I might add) and he’s never paid a bill in his life that Mommy didn’t write the check for. He has had cars, motorcycles, boats, you name it. The business was handed to him and he didn’t even have to run it – Mommy did that! Wow, whatta deal! Oh, but to hear my mother tell it, my brother built that business from the ground up. BULLSHIT. There’s a reason he goes by “Rick Jr” despite the fact that he’s NOT a Jr. Oh, but that money and clout that was GIVEN TO HIM is DIFFERENT than the money given to me for going to “bullshit” college. I wasted the money, he actually MADE stuff with it.

Their version of support is saying things like “We are so worried about you”. What? Why? Because you think I’m too stupid to manage without you controlling me? Then when they horned in on MY wedding, they were just sooo happy to have me married off like it’s the fucking 1920s or something. I can hear it now: “Oh, finally! She found someone who can take care of her!” Patronising assholes.

They also choose to edit out anything unsavory, like the time my mother was in the hospital and my father attacked me bodily, throwing me to the floor and slapping me while calling me a whore/bitch/cunt ad nauseum. Or the time he brought a gun to my boyfriend’s house and threatened to kill him. Or every goddam christmas of my fucking life having to deal with a depressive father who acted suicidal and ruined it for all of us. And lately, going up for the holidays to a hell bitch of a mother who made the food with as much hatred and venom she could muster and literally threw it on the table. Yah, none of those lovely little espisodes exist in THEIR version of the world. Nope, never happened, just ask them. Fucking LIARS. Fucking hypocrites.

I took them back after those fiascoes and others like them and I’m just not doing it any more. I will not comply. I am too fucking old for their psychotic bullshit. If they hate me so much, then why bully me into coming up there? Fucking NUTBAGS.

They live in a fucked up little world that is about 5 miles wide. They don’t read. They don’t think. They don’t have friends. They don’t go out. They just sit there, smug in their belief that THEY ARE RIGHT and the rest of the world is wrong. Especially me. I’m ALWAYS wrong.

Why is it all on me? Why do I have to run the roads to see them and call them and all that but it’s fine if they never bother with me? WHY? Why do they expect me to make my whole schedule around them, come the fuck up there THEN be abused and demeaned when I do? Then, to top it off, my bitch of a mother has the nerve to demean Nick as well, yet I should apologise to her for it (??) and we should once again go up there to that hellhole for the holidays and pretend it’s all fine. WTF?

I say NO. I say FUCK NO.

I’m taking back my holidays. I’m taking back my dignity. I’m taking back my life from those horrible people. Hopefully one of them will find this and then at least they’ll have a REAL reason to vilify me. They want to talk dirty laundry? Well, there ya go, there’s a fucking LOAD.

I guess I am now family free. The only one I miss is my (maternal) grandmother. She’s always been good to me and listened to me and been supportive of my life. Which is more than I can say for the rest of my family. She’s in a nursing home now and will be gone soon, I’m sure. I’m also sure I won’t get any of the stuff she’s got set aside for me, either. It’ll all go to my bitch mother who will then give it to my niece. Too bad, too, because I’m the only one who’ll take care of the stuff (or in my niece’s case, if she doesn’t lose it or break it, her mother will take it from her and pawn it). I’d really like to have something of my grandmother’s but I guess I’ll just have to be happy with the moonstone ring I have. I’ve also got a 20s silver ring with amethyst (or it could be glass) from my maternal great grandmother’s sister (great great aunt?).

My family is getting their way: the parents won’t have to deal with the horrible bitch of a daughter and my brother won’t have to put up with his selfish bitch of a sister (that gave him and his kid computers, btw). I hope they are happy. Me? I’m just tired and somewhat relieved to finally talk about the shit that makes me hate E TN so much. If you were wondering, now you know. If I NEVER go up there again, that would suit me just fine.

6 Replies to “Family. Nothing good comes of it.”

  1. *hug*

    It’s a shame Goldi is just a hair too young to be your mom. She’s pretty good at it. I can promise you that Trey and SarahJane will always appreciate their Fairy GothMother.

    I’m lucky that the fuckers that suck the life out of everything in my corner of the gene pool decided to separate themselves from it before we had to clorox them out.

  2. Ahhhhh… good for you. It would seem that I am not the only person who is taking back his holidays this season.

    We have had a little family drama on our end as well but I may reserve that for a phone call or a visit.

  3. I cut out the family that tries to suck the life out of my life a long time ago. I got vilified by the rest of the family for doing it for a while. I stood firm, though, and now everyone pretty much agrees that I did the right thing. Many of them eventually did the same thing. Doesn’t really matter though. Wasn’t doing it for them.

    I think the really hard part is that for years I let the big shit slide because there was little nuggets of good. I’d think of the good bits, or mention mostly the surprising moments of tenderness and love, and the rest would be glossed over. I had so gotten into the habit of doing that (and my whole family was), that when I actually brought it *all* out onto the table, it was somewhat horrifying how much pure crap there was. No amount of tenderness or goodness can make up for the mountain of pain, anger, bitterness, envy, depression, stupidity and pure evil that is there in that part of my family.

    I’m glad for the good bits I was able to take away. Sad for how long I let those good bits suffocate in shit.

    Life is too short, too hard, too beautiful, too sweet, and all together too capable of being good for it to be drained and thrown away. I refuse to let it happen. Good on you for doing the same thing.

  4. This is why I cut out my mother. Having a relationship with her was just not worth putting up with her psychotic rages and fits. Some people think I’m wrong for this and that I must make peace with her, and I would, if I thought for even a second that she wouldn’t immediately start back in her old controlling and abusive patterns.

  5. Caroline: Goldi is a sweet lady and thank you for the FGM shoutout.

    Chris: YUSS! Here’s to taking BACK our lives!

    Janel: “…I let the big shit slide because there was little nuggets of good.” Yup, I know how that is. Just last Xmas my mother made me a lovely piece of art and I really thought things were looking up. Guess not. Ya can’t fix CRAZY.

    Heather: Toxic is toxic. It’s always right to rid yourself of that. No one has a say in where your limit is and no one can ask you to change it. When you’re done, you’re done.

    Thanks, everyone. I think my chosen family is the best one EVAR. :-)

  6. I can SOOO relate, sister! I read this when you posted it, but didn’t comment. I support ya!

    Love ya!
    xoxox

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