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As I said in the previous post, I’m not writing much about the pub in this space, mostly because I have a LOT to bitch about and FB is private, so I can name names and whinge unencumbered. And I do. What I can say is that there is much activity at the pub space and I think we just might make our June opening target. So, YAY for that. I promise, once this bitch is open, I’ll post a HUGE essay of what it was like to do this crazy thing. And I’ll name names, too, once I can. Fuck these people that have been nothing but hindrances and/or naysayers. My current motivational poster:
BUT, we hit a BIG snag. Nick fell off a ladder (here at home, not there) and grabbed at an aluminum stud and RUINED his left (dominant) hand on Thursday. All four fingers were lacerated, it took 37 stitches to close them up and the ring finger has a severed tendon that will require surgery Monday. He also sprained the SHIT out of his right ankle. Of course, I have no idea what all this will cost, since the hospital won’t give you any information when you leave. Fuckers. AND to further irritate, you have DRIVE back to the hospital to pick up the goddam bill, since the moronic HIPPA rules will not allow using technology like it’s the 21st century. Hello, 1985 called and they want their medical records back. IDIOTIC. I do know that the orthopedic surgeon costs $375 to walk through the door. We are broke, personally. We’ve still got money for the pub (we cannot use any money in the pub acct for our own expenses), but it’s tight, too. So, yeah, medical bills are JUST WHAT WE NEED right now. Sigh. We do have AFLAC accident insurance, tho, so it’ll be mitigated somewhat. No worries, tho, these motherfuckers will WAIT for their money like everyone else. My first priority (aside from getting Nick back on his feet and such) is getting my pub open. Everything else will wait. Period. So the stress levels are ridic. Nick is seriously injured. The pub is halfway built (4 months late) and I’m a hot mess. 2019 can EAT A DICK. That’s right, folks, my blog turns 20 this year – June 21 to be exact! Can you believe it? My first post is about gender bias and it is still, sadly, relevant today. This blog being a Gemini makes sense since I’ve ranted and raved and blabbed my business on the ‘net for TWENTY YEARS! Geminis are chatty, you know. ;) I don’t blog nearly as much as I used to, thanks to fucking Facebook and all the other social media outlets that keep me busy. I used to blog about daily stuff, news, etc., all the things that social media does for the masses now. Despite FB ruining true blogging, I still feel that blogs are relevant and should not be tossed out as outmoded. Same for websites. Again, thanks to FB dumbing down the collective IQ of the internet, people don’t even have sites for their businesses half the time. THAT is a mistake, but they really think that FB is the internet. This past year was about transition and we’re still in it. I wonder if I’ll be a pub owner or going through bankruptcy on June 21 this year? Interesting to see what happens. I truly hope it will be the former and not the latter, but odds are pretty even right now. I’ve not said much about the pub process, mainly because I can whine on FB and secondly because I just don’t have the brain power to write coherently right now. I tell you, though, once the outcome has been determined, I’ll be writing a fucking book about this process. It is yet to be seen if it will be a cautionary tale or a tale of victory. Hopefully VICTORY. QaPla’! Sometimes I just don’t know how to process things. Being deeply insulted by a friend is hard. (“I can’t think of anyone less hospitable than you!” in reference to my being in the hospitality industry.) Trying to not let it get to me is harder. Some people *think* they know me, but really do not. And as much as I try to show them my true self, they reject it and hold onto what they think my true self is. I still like the person that hurt me, but I dunno. It’s like we never get past a certain level. I’d like to move past this, but I just don’t know how to drag them past their own blocks. And this person is very deeply invested in proving that I’m wrong and the way I do pretty much everything in my life is wrong. So, I just don’t say anything about how I feel, and I know that every single interaction will be contentious. And I’ll end up with hurt feelings. Every time. And somehow I always end up with the notion that it’s my fault. I know intellectually it’s not, but others tell me it’s my fault because I won’t capitulate and be run over by this person. If I thought I was being treated fairly, I might be more compliant, but I do not think I’m being treated fairly. Not at all. Not being allowed to speak and being lectured at is not fair, IMO. It’s not a discussion if no discussion is allowed. Ugh. Perhaps I should just walk away rather than deal with this? I have these thoughts after every single interaction with this person. EVERY TIME. Why do I do this to myself? (Because Nick values this person’s opinion – and he thinks it’s good for me to be wrangled every now and then, that’s why. I should not comply. But I do, to keep the peace. Again: WHY?) Adulting is hard. So is blogging about being hurt rather than screaming at the top of my lungs that I AM TIRED OF BEING TREATED AS IF I AM TOO DUMB TO DO WHAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR ME. I may have a big mouth and be opinionated AF, but I still have feelings. Despite the press otherwise. I wish that people I’ve known for a long time would at least TRY to see that I have changed and I’m not the same person I was 15 years ago. Hell, I’m not the same person I was ONE year ago. I don’t need to be steamrolled, I need SUPPORT. NOT the same thing. I think this is karma beating the shit out of me, honestly. I am paying for doing this to others. I recognise this, which is why I am trying to walk away when I get the urge to lecture. This year has been about learning how to ask for help and learning when to STFU and not talk back. I’m trying to learn, but dammit, I simply WILL NOT allow men to condescend and lecture me just because they assume they know more. Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t. But by the gods, if you start lecturing me and I correct you when you say that I don’t know something when I CLEARLY DO, I am going to talk back. I DGAF how much karma I’m reaping, I am DONE with being lectured and beaten into agreeing with the notion that I do not know what is best for myself or my business. I’ve put YEARS of my life into educating myself about the restaurant biz. I’ve got 18 years of handling the business of restaurants. I have a clue. I’m SICK OF SAYING THIS TO MEN. I am also smart enough to know that there is PLENTY I don’t know, but I’m smart and I’ll learn. Dumb people open businesses every day and succeed. I think I have a better than average shot. If you don’t agree, then fuck off. I’m tired of defending my LIFE. If you think I’m an idiot, then great, think that. But spare me the lectures and condescension. Please. I’ve got enough on my plate as it is. Either be on the team or not. Beating me down is not really helping anything. As some of you may know, having seen this in person, I do tend to get excited about my own cooking… This kid (Merrill Howard Kalin, google him) is my Spirit Chef. Add a little butt wiggle in there, and this is ME when I taste my own food: I do make some tasty food! Can’t wait to share it with the world at the Pub. :D (link for this as well, for safekeeping: https://youtu.be/-FrpuPLYnvY) As we wind down 2018, I am glad to see it GO. Our fortunes have gone from bright to tarnished, as we were held in limbo for 7-8 months by the rich landlord. Our credit cards are maxed, our credit scores suck and it’ll be a miracle to get the pub open by March. BUT. All that notwithstanding, we will survive and we will KILL IT when we open. Of that I am certain. I’m grateful to everyone who has been supportive of our efforts and to everyone who contributed to our GoFundMe – that has enabled me to get a kegerator lined up and perhaps a reach-in for the bar as well. Couldn’t have happened without the people who have backed us. THANK YOU. I’m also grateful to have my best friend as my partner in crime. Nick and I have been packed up each other’s asses in this house all year, and it’s not been too bad. We can read each other and we know how to ‘go to our corners’ when we feel like fighting. We work well together and I know we’ll work well to run this pub. <3 |
 
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