So, after much gnashing of teeth and rending of clothes, we decided to send one final impassioned email to the landlords to find out if we are IN or OUT.
WE ARE IN!
As I said in my previous post, change is the only constant. To that end, I’ve unloaded a pile of people who were apparently fake friends and it feels good. I find it very odd that people get personal things all mixed up with professional things. I had a personal issue with one of these people, yet another one in the group, that I don’t know, engaged us for games – but then felt the need to bully and demean me and my business for the personal issue that I’d talked about on my PERSONAL FB feed. I have a right to my personal feelings and opinions. This is pretty much why I deleted that whole group. Not liking me as a person has no bearing AT ALL on our games. If the threats and bullying I received is indicative of that group’s mentality, then I’m glad to be gone from it. I was threatened directly and warned to “watch what I say on social media” and several others in that group agreed. Um. ? It’s my PERSONAL FB, not the business one. But thanks for the heads up, I guess? It seems odd to me that I get a beat down for voicing my feelings, yet it’s perfectly fine to threaten me on the same social media? Yeeeaaahhh. Double standard much?
Anyway, we’re off to the races with the pub. I’d say we’re looking at Feb/Mar 2019 for opening. If anyone wants to work for us, there’s your timeline. I severely need a chef/kitchen manager!
I can’t wait to get going and spend ALLLLL our money! Squee! We SO look forward to serving you! (Bullies need not bother! We are a no bullying workplace and no bullying will be tolerated on the premises!)
There are some things that I’ve learned over my 52 years of living. The main thing I’ve learned, above all else is:
Change is the only constant; roll with it and keep moving.
This pretty much covers it. I had a long winded post all thought up, but really, it boils down to this one statement. Change is constant. Fighting it is a recipe for unhappiness. I’ve seen it 1000 times.
And here’s the long winded post anyway! ;)
So many times I’ve counseled friends who are miserable, feeling stuck, convinced that nothing will ever change, with this advice: CHANGE YOUR MIND.
I think that people who do the same things for years, running the exact same scenarios but with different players, are people who underestimate the power of their minds and allow fear to squelch their intent. If you want to do something else, then change your mind and DO IT. Banish that soul sucking fear – learn to ignore it! No one can change your mind for you. You have to do it yourself. No amount of counseling will help you change your own mind to achieve your intent. I’ve spent so much of my time over the years repeating this mantra. It is the truth!
If you want to change your life, change your MIND.
I swear it! I’m not immune to getting stuck. Trust me, my 40s were all about it. I’d done pretty well in my 20s and 30s with changing my life and doing new things, but the 40s tanked. What changed all that? MY MIND, that’s what. At the age of 50, I decided I was done with being fat and being stuck. I got VSG. It changed EVERYTHING. Yes, it was a HUGE thing, but that’s what it took to shake me (and Nick, too) out of our torpor. Sometimes you’ve got to GO BIG. For us, we usually have to GO BIG for it to kick us in the ass. [See: pub scheme]
Sometimes random quotes stick with me:
“You get what anybody gets – you get a lifetime.” – Neil Gaiman, Preludes & Nocturnes
“No fate but what we make.” – Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
“If you believe in fate, believe in it, a least, for your good.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Habits change into character.” – Ovid
“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have trying to change others.” – Arnold Glasow
That last one is one that I have to remind myself of often. I want so much to help friends out of their particular self made tortures, but alas, I cannot. All I can do is keep repeating the mantra: CHANGE YOUR MIND. And entreat them to use their stubbornness to their benefit (CHANGE) rather than to fight to keep things the same. I see people use all their strength to remain in the exact same state they have been in for as long as I’ve known them. It’s not unique, no, I have many friends who are exactly where they were when I met them 15 years ago. It pains me. I want them to MOVE FORWARD. But I can’t make them move forward, can I?
I think it’s hard for people to realise that life is all about trajectory. It’s not a smooth straight line, hells no, it’s a jagged thing filled with false starts, U turns, backtracks and other jackassery. BUT as long as it is still going forward, I call it good. So what if you try something and it doesn’t work? So what if you see something shiny and it turns out to be just the glimmer of a bad idea? SO WHAT? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
You’ve got a lifetime. USE IT. Don’t sit on the same goddam sinking ship, rearranging deck chairs! JUMP THAT SHIP!
CHANGE YOUR MIND. Stop fighting change – use it to your advantage.
The rest will follow.
I promise*.
*Don’t believe me? Just WATCH as Nick and I open a pub. WATCH. We decided that is our hill to conquer and we’re going to DO it. Are we ready? Nope. Do we have enough money? Nope. But we have faith in ourselves to figure it the fuck out. If it fails? Welp, we’ll find another battle. We won’t die. We’ll pick up the pieces and move forward. Like we’ve done before. WATCH US. We live by these tenets. Every day. It’s taken us 20 years to get our shit straight, so it is not instant, no, but by the gods, it’s worth it. Just watch and see.
NB: This is a general post, not directed at any one person. It’s directed at the MANY persons I know who are stuck, afraid, mired in their dramas. I love you all. Your journey is your own. This is just MY PERSONAL writ of intent. I try very hard to live by these tenets. You do you. I’ll help you if I can. <3
Is this the real life?
Is this just Fanta sea?
Caught in a man’s lie,
No heat for my herbal tea.
Soapen your thighs….
Look at this guy’s old kneeeeee!
I’m just a pool toy,
I’ve got no buoyancy.
Because I eat zee gum.
Eat raw dough.
Get a high. Do some blow.
Any brand of pantyhose doesn’t really flatter on meeeee
Mama, I just tilled some land.
Turned some grain into a bread
Pooh smacked Tigger, now he sees red
Mammal life had just begun
But dinos win when life will find a way.
Haha…oowooowooo
In the meantime, we will try
If I don’t return your shirt, it’s not a borrow.
Clap on, clap off, nothing’s like the clapper
Toothache! My dentist has won!
Bend rivers with my mind.
Brain making another rhyme.
Good buy, everybody, $5 pizza to go.
Lotta fleas on dogs behind
My name’s not Ruth.
Oh God….ewwwwwwww
I made a man cry
Hi Operator, I’d like to place a call.
Hi-C and a little Jello in my hand.
Scarhead, scarhead, when will you kiss Draco?
Corduroy and spandex, very very chafing me.
Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico Mexico!
I’m just a door, boy. Nobody shoves me.
When it’s not on the floor, a rug is a tapestry.
Spare ribs are great despite your pomposity.
Even rum getting low. Where did it go?
Bushmill’s whiskey, we will not let it flow!
Bushmill’s whiskey, we will not let it flow!
Bushmill’s whiskey, we will not let it flow!
Whales don’t say thar she blows don’t you know?
Never stub your toe.
Never stub your toe.
Never lick me slow.
Larry, Curly, and Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe
Hello Lindy, hello Lucy, can I get a cup o’ Joe?
Four knees!
Four knees!
So you think you can bone me and shit on my tie?
So you drink a can of mead and leer at my wife?
Maybe, you can do this to me maybe.
Regattas are out, they’re gonna sail right by the pier
Oh yeah, spilled milk really splatters.
All the fun’s at sea!
Jerry Mathers was the Beav
Angela’s Summer Squash Casserole
3 large or 4 smallish yellow summer squash, sliced into rounds
1 medium onion, frenched (halved then sliced)
2/3 cup half n half (or milk, whatever)
2 Tbl Mexican Crema (or sour cream)
1 Tbl garlic paste (or paste up 3-4 cloves)
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 egg
1.25 cups shredded cheese (I used sharp cheddar and Monterey jack; use what you like)
3/4 cup panko
1/2 cup parmesan (grated or shredded)
olive oil
butter
S/P
Cook the squash and onions in a large skillet with a little butter, water and salt, until softened; about 8 minutes.
Preheat oven to 350F.
While the veg cooks, mix together half n half, crema, garlic, S/P and egg until smooth. Fold in cheese.
Drain veg. Spray 9×9 baking dish with food release and layer in one third of veg. Pour over 1/3 of the cheese mixture. Continue until all veg and mix is in. Cut up about 2 Tbl butter and put on top of casserole.
Mix panko and parmesan with a Tbl of oil until it’s coated. Put panko on top of casserole in an even layer.
Cook in 350F oven for about 30 minutes until panko is golden and casserole registers 160-170F in center.
This year has been one of letting go. I’ve had to let go of my expectations of people and just let things be. That doesn’t mean that I’m not still hurt by people who I thought were friends but turned out to be…something else. Nor does it mean that all the unkept “plans” are going unnoticed. It’s hard for me not to take it all personally. I’m learning to do that. Change is the only constant. I am working to embrace change and stop clinging to old paradigms.
I’ve realised that expecting people to want to hang out is just not a good use of my time. Atlanta is huge. I get that. But it just seems that WE are expected to drive an hour to see ANYONE, but they won’t do it for us. Hell, even proposing meeting halfway is shunned. ::shrug:: We all have our haunts, true. But why are OUR haunts somehow less attractive? That is what I wonder. My suspicious nature tells me that there’s more to this. My inner demon says “you’re not worth it”. THAT is the voice that must be squelched at all costs.
So, we’ve turned our full attention to the pub. What else can we do? No one wants to do anything, so we’ll just entertain ourselves. I am starting to wonder if we’ll even have anyone show up for “friends and family” tastings at the pub. Given the lackluster responses of late, I’m thinking NOPE. Guess I’ll have to rely on employees to fulfill that task. And that is fine by me. I’m tired of feeling like a nag; nagging to get together, nagging to come to a party, nag, nag, nag. Ugh. Inner demon: “you’re not worth it”.
Whatever. We’re about to create our own tribe and for that I’m grateful. I’m tired of trying to break in (or stay in) certain circles. If we don’t fit, that’s juuuuust fine. We’re GOING to fit in our OWN place, that will be full of OUR PEOPLE. People who want to be around us. People who WANT to come to our place and hang out. People who appreciate what we’ve got to offer. Inner demon BE DAMNED. WE ARE WORTH IT.
As Beyoncé says: “Always be gracious. Best revenge is your paper.” And in this case, you can add “best revenge is your TRIBE that YOU create”. For once in our lives, we’ll be our own social point. No cliques, no half assed friends, no bullshit “plans”, no chasing other people around to have company. Just a family of our own making. I look forward to it more than I can articulate. WE ARE WORTH IT.
I know all this sounds so narcissistic, but I don’t really care. I’ve spent too much time trying to entice people to me or ingratiate myself into cliques. It’s time to complete the reemergence. I’m ready to let go of the past and start a new future. WE ARE WORTH IT.
If you want to join us, we’d welcome that. If not, no harm, no foul. But don’t expect invites, either. Friendship is a two way street. And I’m tired of trying to drive BOTH lanes. Fuck that. If you can’t be bothered to give us a modicum of support, even if only in WORDS, then you’re out. If, however, you HAVE been giving us support, even if it’s only words, we appreciate it. And WE SEE YOU. Expect spiffs. I’ve got things planned for the people who’ve been instrumental in making this pub happen. There ARE points for participation.
