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Three weeks of SUCK

So, I took a trip out West, as I do periodically. It’s usually about two weeks and pretty routine. This time, I got trapped out there for an extra week and I thought I was going to lose my mind. I like solitude, but a solid week of sitting in a hotel room is CLEARLY not for me. So, yah. Sucked. Will not be doing that again.

I came home to my poor DJ, who has gone downhill drastically while I was gone. He is pitiful and I think we’ll have to let him go next week. It breaks my heart, but I knew it was coming. He just crouches on his heating pad on the floor and occasionally cries. He doesn’t seem to really be here. I’ve got to let him go. It is killing me. I’ve cried a LOT the last few days.

While I was gone, I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things. I’ve come to some conclusions and hatched some new ideas, in no particular order:

– I’ve decided to get a Sleeve Gastrectomy, aka Gastric Sleeve surgery. I can’t live at this weight any longer. Despite my hysterical fear of needles and doctors, I am finishing up my research and looking for the Doctor with whom I want to book in Mexico. I hope to have it done in June. I don’t want too much time to elapse or I’ll chicken out. [BEST decision I’ve ever made!! I’m 70# lighter and feel fantastic! $4k in Mexico w/ Dr Mario Camelo Ramos. -A 2017]

– I am NOT down with the pub idea any more. I don’t want to take on $200k+ in debt, nor do I want to go into that much debt for some asshole landlord’s property. So, NO. Instead, I’m thinking a TRUCK. As in a MOBILE arcade/food truck. Tell me, would that be awesome for parties or what?? It’s MUCH more affordable, it’s money spent on US, not a greedy landlord and if we get sick of it, we sell the truck. This is something we can get started for around $20k (less than buying a car) rather than $200k. What do you think? If you saw an arcade truck at a food truck park, would you be excited? [HA!! Wish I’d stuck to my guns on this one!! Eh, live and learn. -A 2021]

– Nick and I have realised that the longest we can stand being apart is about two weeks. We start to get really depressed and antsy any longer than that. Three weeks is definitely too long.

– I had bronchitis on the road. Had to find a walk in clinic in Shawnee OK, which sucked. I’m done with smoking. Even under the extreme stress of the last two weeks, I’ve managed to stick to the zero nicotine ecig. I have the weak lungs of the Pratt side of the family, I simply cannot smoke any more. I don’t like it, but that’s the way it’s got to be. Having bronchitis twice in a 6 month period has made it clear that COPD is in my future if I don’t quit. So I did.

– Speaking of ecigs, aka vapes. All this bullshit I’m reading about how horrible they are for you, yadda yadda is really pissing me off. Even the PA at the walk in clinic was dissing them, saying “propylene glycol is the stuff in antifreeze! It’s bad for you!”. The tobacco companies are plying Drs with disinformation because they don’t want people to stop smoking. It’s that simple. The fact is that propylene glycol VAPOUR is ALSO used in asthma medications, so if it’s bad for you, then I guess all those asthma nebulizers are bad, too, RIGHT? Yah, didn’t think so. It’s propaganda from big tobacco. They are going to regulate ecigs right out of existence. You watch. I’ve even heard some people bitching about the vapour containing nicotine, so therefore it’s as bad as cigarette smoke. That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. It’s VAPOUR, NOT smoke, and therefore doesn’t hang around in the air, dumbass. And besides that, what about those of us who use the ZERO nicotine cartridges? I think we are going to get fucked AGAIN by big tobacco and they’ll take away the flavours and close down the internet sales of ecigs because it’s cutting into THEIR sales. You’ll notice the crappy ecigs sold in gas stations are only tobacco and menthol flavours. Why? Because that’s what Big Tobacco sells. They don’t sell flavours, so therefore no one should be able to buy flavours. Fuckers. Ugh.

The only fun thing that came of this trip was that I finally got myself a spring assist knife. Got one for Nick, too. The actual switchblades were a little more pricey, so I got the spring assist. It’s cool. I like it. I got some awesome Botanical Garden pix, too, which I’ll post later in my gallery.

Tell me what you think of a mobile arcade. I think it’s pretty rad! :)

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What the hell are you doing? UPDATED!!

This is the thought that goes through my head most days – especially lately. It’s the mantra of my self doubt and insecurity.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

Indeed. What am I doing?

Fuck if I know. I’m considering gastric bypass before I go another few years being fat as fuck. I’m starting worry about my longterm health. But having never had major surgery (or even minor), the thought of my entrails being cut apart and rearranged scares the living shit out of me. But so does having high blood pressure, joint pain and type 2 diabeetus. I worry about my fat. Being fat really does suck donkey dick. But how will I pay for this folly? Hmm? [UPDATE: I am getting surgery, this year, May 2016, in Mexico, costs $4250. NOT bypass, tho, I’m getting gastric sleeve. It has FAR fewer complications, leaves stomach intact – just small – and nutrients absorb properly so that long term health is not diminished. There will be a vlog on youtube, look for misangela channel. -A April 2016] 

Fuck if I know. I’m trying to round up a business plan and get an SBA loan to start up a pub. I must be crazy. What do I know about running a goddam pub? I know the books, but there’s a fuck ton more going on than the books. I’m currently so fat and in such bad shape, I seriously wonder if I can do the job. I guess that’s what managers are for, but still. $200k in debt is pretty fucking daunting. Am I out of my rabbitassed mind? [We chose to stop pursuit of a restaurant. We are doing arcade stuff instead. See IndigoDragon site. -A April 2016]

Fuck if I know. All my creative pursuits have gone by the wayside with my workload from the taqueria increasing and the constant nagging worry about that fucking pub. Mainly worry. I’m feeling like our whole future is on my shoulders and I just don’t know if I want that kind of responsibility. It’s crushing my every thought, really. Why do I let it make me crazy?

Fuck if I know. We also need to buy another house while Nick still has a job. THAT will be fun, fun, fun. NOT. Maybe we should just fucking rent? It’s generally more expensive to rent than to buy (once you have all the shit you need to run a house, which we do). But fuuuuck the fucking aggravation. Also, having to wait a set period of time is not sitting well with me, either. It just makes me more anxious and gives me more time to second guess myself. [We did rent, in Tucker of all places, just 2 months after this post, and it’s AWESOME. No repercussions from leaving Maplehurst either. NO REGRETS. -A April 2016]

I’m stressed out and not very happy right now. I am letting all this shit get to me.

What the hell am I doing? [Making some good decisions, that’s what. Moving forward and having no regrets! :) -A April 2016]

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Stream of Consciousness post

Just a rambling, what’s on my mind kind of post. No real theme or anything.

DJ: Poor old thing. His face is a mess from runny eyes and his ulcerated nose. He’s skin and bones. He’s got some sort of urinary tract issue – probably bladder stones – that we’ll get looked at on Thursday. The good news is that taking him off of fluconazole has helped with his puking and he’s eating a LOT more now. Guess that crap really did cause stomach upset! He’s not gaining weight that I can see, but he is certainly eating more. He won’t eat cat food, tho, he eats a gruel that I make from ham baby food, chicken stock, supplements and a little cat food blended in. It looks gross, but he eats it, so that’s what he gets. He’s taken to asking for food several times a day and of course I give it to him. Mangia!

Missy: Miss Rottenness is doing well. She had abscessed anal glands a few weeks ago and had to have minor surgery. She came through it well and her little ass is getting furry once again. Who knew kitties had ass cheeks?? LOL SO CUTE. Her thyroid has stabilised w/ the meds and she’s doing very well. Bossy as ever.

We have been coming off of Celexa for a few days. We’d knocked it down to 5mg every other day, which is pretty much not enough to do anything other than keep us off kilter, so we stopped it on Saturday. For our efforts, we’ve both had insomnia since then: I had mine night before last and Nick had his last night. Nice. Fucking antidepressants are the most addictive crap ON THE PLANET. DON’T START THEM!! Getting off them is worse than what you started them for in the first fucking place. Damn. Hopefully some insomnia will be the worst of it. ::fingers crossed:: [Nick has been on them for a while now and is doing GREAT. They just don’t agree with ME. -A 1.11.22]

While we are in waiting mode as far as trying again for a new house, we are working on our business plan for the pub. We still have hardons for the old James Joyce building, but I’m also enquiring about some lease space around Avondale and Decatur. It’s hard to make a business plan with projections when you have nothing to base it on! I think I’ll work backwards from the expenses to see what we’ll need to make to break even, make a small profit and make a medium profit. I think that’s all I can do.

I’m fighting the feelings of OMG WHAT AM I DOING and being generally overwhelmed by all of this business plan stuff. I keep telling myself, “people do this EVERY DAY”, but I still feel quite inadequate. Rob is being awesome and helping me a lot, but it’s still pretty fucking terrifying. Bleh.

To keep my sanity in all this, I am going to work on some recipes rather than numbers today. I think having a menu sample attached to the business plan would be a good thing and it is something that I enjoy and find relaxing. Like cooking!

Eh, I guess that’s it for the State of the Weasels.

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You Will Be Serfs! UPDATED!

This was written right before we walked away from Maplehurst and got this beautiful house in Tucker in June 2014. We are happy as clams and have not one single regret about deciding to rent. And we will NEVER buy again. FUCK THAT. Thanks to not buying, we now have investments, a fat savings account and NO DEBT. Buying a house will make you house poor. It’s totally not worth it to me. I’m always amazed when I STILL hear that old saw “renting is throwing away your money.” Really? Well, since we bailed on a $75k underwater house that would NEVER be worth what we paid, we are in the best financial shape of our lives! Seems to me that renting has SAVED us money, not “thrown it away.” But whatever, you suckers want to be indentured to the banks, y’all go right ahead and buy. Ain’t my circus.  – Angela April 2 2016. 

Yesterday we watched some financial revenge porn in the form of the movie Assault on Wall Street. It was FABULOUS. All the asshole brokers got what they deserved – and I don’t mean more money. Then we watched Office Space to round out our day of Fuck This Shit.

We did not get the house we coveted (THANK THE GODS!!) due to various mortgage lender jackassery.

On top of that aggravation, the mortgage guy, Murray, is all about reminding us about how hard it is out there for a pimp of the mortgage industry and how the investors suffered. I held my tongue, but I’m telling you, it was hard not to tell him to fuck right on off. WHY anyone would feel the least bit bad about an industry that broke the United States’ economy, then took trillions MORE of our money and never lost a penny is beyond me. Actually, the banks and mortgage industries are just fine and dandy, thanks for asking. They have shown record profits since the bailouts (read: extortion money).

Speaking of the bailouts and what’s happened since, here’s some reading for you:
We’re almost break even on the bailout. Sept 2013
Why Fannie and Freddie remain a big threat. Aug 2013
Wall Street bonuses to top 2009. Aug 2013

I love how most people in the mortgage industry own at least one rental property. That goes for Realtors®, too. I also love how they can look you in the eye and with a straight face, tell you how hard it’s been for them. RIGHT.

Really, motherfuckers? I fail to see how buying up property for pennies on the dollar to rent back to the people who were fucked in the ass and tossed out on the street by bad and/or underwater loans is “hard”. ??

It is my assertion that the main goal of the mortgage industry is to reduce Americans to being serfs. It is practically impossible to get a loan now (despite all the Obama bullshit about “Making Homes Affordable” with HARP*) and if you manage it, you’ll be saddled with a $200/mo fee (called “insurance” by FHA) for the life of the 30 year loan. That comes to $72,000 of additional fees that go straight to the FHA coffers. In the past, PMI (private mortgage insurance) was only until you gained some equity or refinanced – NO MORE. Now it’s forever on FHA loans. [*HARP is still going on. If you are stupid enough to TAKE an offer of extending your mortgage for another 10 years, you deserve what you get. That is TEN YEARS more interest and mortgage insurance that goes DIRECTLY to the banks and insurance companies. Anyone who takes a HARP refinance on an underwater home is a fucking moron. -A 2016]

And yes, you’ll have an FHA loan unless you have pristine credit and 20% to put down. And don’t think that your parents can help with that down payment. NOPE. You can’t use any gifts for down payments. If you do get a gift, then it must sit in the bank for six months and you have to get written proof of where that money came from. Cash is frowned upon in this brave new world. It is frightening the threats you’ll hear if you have cash. We know, we were threatened because we wanted to use our rainy day cash money for a down payment. You would’ve thought we asked if we could use dead babies.  INSANE.

When real estate crashed, the rich white people and corporations moved in to buy up every available foreclosure as “investment property”. What that means is that most of the good deals that might have been had by first time buyers were snapped up and turned into rental property. This reduced inventory of homes and made it harder to find a home for sale on the low end. It’s now mostly high end homes that a first time owner cannot afford. Now, add that to the near impossibility of getting a home loan in the first place and you are a society of serfs. People who own very little and pay rent to our rich overlords.

What the mortgage industry and its rich white owners aimed to do is push America back to the early 1900s, when the rich were rich and the rest of us were serfs who paid them rent. They were successful in that aim. Home ownership is at an all time low. The economy is stagnant and not looking very promising. There is little job creation.

Fortune: What happens if nothing changes at Fannie and Freddie?
“Without the discipline of a private market, we are in danger of creating another speculative housing bubble, which would again result in massive losses and economic hardship when it bursts.” – Hank Paulson, Fortune magazine, Aug 28, 2013. [linked above]

The 1% have won, my friends. Most Americans have been beaten back to early 20th century standards and no one is doing a thing about it. Rich white men and large corporations have seized the biggest indicator of individual wealth: real estate. Owning a home is the epitome of the American Dream. Thanks to these rich people, who continually get richer, the rest of us are little more than indentured servants. Serfs.

[Take a look at the building industry right now – especially here in Atlanta. All you see are apartments and McMansions being built. NOTHING in between. Moderate housing, like our neighborhood, is on the market for a couple of weeks and the seller gets what they ask. It is insane. There is little available for first time buyers. So people rent.  I don’t see why anyone would want to buy right now, the market for buying kinda sucks unless you have a fat down payment.  -A 2016]

It’s infuriating and demeaning to be reduced to a society with little personal wealth for 99% of its citizens. It’s sickening to see the 1% cheerfully declare the rest of us its serfs. It’s in the background of every pompous, rich landlord’s assurances that it’s OK to rent, listen for it: “You WILL BE Serfs! And you will like it!” “Oligobble our balls!” Which is also pertinent to the Comcast takeover of Time Warner this week. OLIGOBBLE. You’ll take what we give you.

We are bitter and resentful of the way we were treated by these rich fucks in the mortgage industry. We are sick to death of hearing how hard it is for the poor beleaguered banks, investors and corporations.

If you, too, need some revenge porn to lessen your bitterness and resentment, DO rent Assault on Wall Street. It is the story of desperation that SO MANY Americans deal with (it hits on healthcare, housing and investing), but the hero gets to give it back to the fuckers that so deeply deserve it. It won’t change anything, but it’ll damn sure make you feel a bit better.

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled serfdom.

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Another Quickie Update

So the mortgage loan is stalled once again. Apparently the bankruptcy is fine, it’s the second mortgage on this place (that was DISCHARGED) that is causing us to get kicked out again. We’ll know tomorrow or Tuesday one way or the other. If it falls through, then we will be renting for the foreseeable future. And we are fucking FINE with that. The mortgage industry is still just as ridiculous as ever – if not worse – than it was before the crash. Now they can refuse you for any reason in the name of “safe loans”. They can all fuck off and die. I’ve got several rentals lined up just in case.

The stress is pretty bad, but the resentment is worse. We are so bitter and resentful of the whole banking industry right now. And they wonder why we don’t keep all our money in the system? HA!! If this falls through, I may never buy again, just like everyone else. I’ll just rent from all the rich white folks who have benefited from this whole real estate fiasco. Fine. The rich white folks can HAVE IT. I’m SO put out. It’ll be nice to call someone ELSE to fix broken shit anyway. What the fuck ever. Renting is a futile use of money, but the system it set up to push more people to it. Thus enriching the already rich bastards that own 150 rentals. Fuck it and fuck them. Ugh.

We’ll continue to plan for our future, regardless if the “system” helps us or not. We’ve done everything by ourselves for this long, why change now? We’ve go NO backup. Nick’s parents are dead, mine wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire. We don’t have any rich friends, nothing. If we’re going to attempt our dream, then it’s up to us and NO ONE will get in the way of that. We don’t fit the system and the system doesn’t fit us, that’s clear.

That’s where we are: stressed out, resentful and making alternative plans. ::maniacal laugh! maniacal laugh!::