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Real Talk About Being Fat

I know it’s en vogue right now to be “body positive” and all that shizz. But I have to tell you something: I hate being fat and I do not think it is ever pretty.

There. I said it.

I am still fat, but just getting my face back has been a revelation. You can see my eyes! I have only one chin!

I’ve been reading a lot of fat positive blogs and books and while I agree that you should wear whatever the fuck you feel like wearing, I do not agree that it is cute. I just don’t think obesity is a pretty sight, no matter what you’re wearing. I’ve tried really hard to accept being fat, but ultimately, it just never worked for me.

Which brings to mind a girl at DragonCon about 15 years ago. She was easily 300# and she wore the LeeLu Dallas white strappy thing ALL WEEKEND. I saw her and I was all at once hugely impressed and grossed out. It was impressive that she had no fucks to give and she rocked that minuscule cosplay despite the jeers and mean looks. I’ve never forgotten that girl and her bravery. Wonder what happened to her? Is she still fat 15 years later? Is she still as fierce?

Anyway, back to me. When I look at the few pics I have of me at 250#, I am stunned by just how horrible I looked. I knew it was bad, but dayam. All you fuckers who told me I looked great can SUCK IT. LIARS!! While I appreciate your support, I feel it was more for my feelings than the truth. So, thanks for the support despite your lying to my face. :P

I’d also like to publicly apologize to Nick, for ignoring his gentle nudges to be more active and try harder to lose the weight. And I’d like to acknowledge his continued love and support for all these years, during all the sizes and all the mood swings. I love you, honey, and I couldn’t have done this without you. Yes, I wanted a better life for myself, but I also did the VSG for you. I was tired of being an old fat wife. I’m still old and currently still fat, but soon I’ll be old and average rather than fat. And I’ll be much more able to be the partner Nick needs me to be. He deserves that.

I’ve only lost 44# so far, but I already feel SO much better. I’ve still got issues with the new stomach (Pouchie is an ASSHOLE), but I think I eat enough to start exercising again. I just ordered a NuBand Activ+ and I plan to start walking every day again. Starting today!

I like that I’ve dropped from an 18/20 to a fat 14 (Avenue is a fat store, so their 14 is bigger than a straight 14). But I can tell I’ve lost lots of muscle mass. I’m going to ask a bodybuilder friend for some guidelines to get my muscle tone back. I’ve got a lot of weight to go, but the carrot is wearing straight sizes again and being able to cosplay next year at DragonCon. I’ve always responded better to the carrot than the stick and this is no exception. The fact that I did Dragoncon this year and only had a sore lower back (no muscle tone) is AMAZING.

To all the fat and fabulous out there: good for you! I’m really happy that you are fine with your body and rock it daily. That just wasn’t me. I was never fine with being fat. Which is why I did VSG. I’d had enough of the fat and the inflammation and the sore joints. I’d had enough of my face looking like a bloated balloon. I’d had enough of the huge belly. I’d had enough of not wanting to go out because I hated the way I looked.

VSG is not for everyone, true, but for me, the surgery was a breeze and despite the reflux, it has been worth it. I feel SO MUCH better about myself as I come to my 51st birthday than I did at my 50th. Last year, I was beyond unhappy. This year, I feel a glimmer of hope that our future will work out. I’ve not had hope for a VERY long time. I feel like throwing a party! And I just might. My cooking mojo is coming back – thank the gods. The loss of my desire to cook was pretty devastating after surgery. But it’s coming back and that is another reason to rejoice!

I’m happy to leave behind the world of the fat girl. More power to those that are rockin’ it, but it just ain’t me. I hope to reach my ultimate goal of 150, but I’d be happy with 170. Even at 170, I’ll be in a 10 or 12 straight size. And THAT, my friends, is what I’m after.

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Missy Kat Health Update 2

We went to see the vet yesterday and get a once over and bloodwork. Missy has lost some of the weight she gained, sadly. She is at 6.2# down from 6.8#. But she is still looking a lot better than when we started the Total Cat diet.

As I was expecting, Missy’s BUN (Blood Urea Nitrogen) was a bit elevated from the higher protein diet. At the start it was 35 and now it’s up to 43. (Normal range is 14-36mg/dL) Although I was expecting this, now I need to do something to try and bring it down. My plan is to add some egg whites to her food to see if that helps keep protein high and make it easier on her kidneys. I already serve the food wet and add low sodium broth to it, to encourage her to get more fluids, which is helping with dehydration.

Her constipation has gone away with this diet, which I’m very happy about. She’s becoming a bit more incontinent (she has some wee pee when she sleeps), but hey, it happens to all of us old ladies. Vet did a quick ultrasound to check her bladder and all is well. It’s just old age making her leaky. I can relate. ;)

Other than that, the vet was impressed with her fur being very silky. Missy has always had soft bunny fur, but it is very shiny and silkier now with the homemade diet. The vet is pleased with her overall health at the age of 15+. :)

Overall, a good visit and I’m pleased with the homemade food. I give her the goldenseal supplement to help her kidneys and I am going to start adding Omega-3s to the mix as well. I also add a digestive aid just for good measure and that might be helping with the constipation. I am considering a phosphate binder for the high BUN, but I’d like to try the egg whites first.

She eats about 4 oz of food per day, which is right in the middle of what she should be eating. I’d like her to eat more, but she just eats when she’s hungry. Animals are pretty good at self regulation. She does have a Hobbit schedule of about 7 feedings a day. I’ll continue these updates over the course of 2016.

First installation here.
Second installation here.

[Missy died in Aug of 2016. I think the homemade diet did help her for a while. She was a VERY old cat! I still miss her. -A 2017]

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Current Supplement Regimen

This is an UPDATE to the first post about supplements here.

I’ve had us on a regular supplement routine for about 3 months now. I’ve got Nick on supplements for his specific needs and I’m on a regime for mine. It has made a difference!

I’ve started buying from Vitacost.com (if you use THIS LINK, you’ll get a $10 coupon!) because I find consistently good prices and they have a 100% money back guarantee that I had to use with the first “menopausal” supplement I got from them. It made me have hot flashes almost continuously! I sent an email and they credited me immediately. I didn’t even have to bother with boxing up and sending back the product. (I think there is a law about returning drugs? Not sure.)[Found out that this is a Kroger company! Who knew?]

Anyway, I got us two large two week pill holders and I dole out the pills every two weeks. You’d be AMAZED at how much it makes a difference. Being able to grab and go is essential. Of course I still grab and forget to actually TAKE, but that’s my old age at work.

I take supplements for inflammation, hot flashes and overall health. I also take things for insomnia. First, my supplement regime:

I have dropped all the tinctures from my regime. They didn’t do much, IMO.
1 Vitacost Synergy One a Day Multivitamin
1 Vitacost Selenium 300mcg (hot flashes)
2 Vitacost Turmeric 800mg total (inflammation)
1 B complex
1 Evening Primrose OR 1 vitamin E (alternating days)

For insomnia, I take these at bedtime:
1 naproxen (helps with inflammation AND makes me sleepy)
1 OTC sleep aid (doxylamine succinate)
1 or 2 Valerian capsules
1 Vitacost Quickdots sublingual GABA, which is a NEW thing and so far it’s working GREAT. I’ve had awesome sleep for several nights in a row. We shall see if it continues to work. I’ve read that it won’t work for some people, but it does for Nick and me. UPDATE: I take occasionally. It will give you awesome dreams.
NEW: I tripped upon L Theanine for anxiety and panic attacks but it knocks me OUT. So I use it occasionally for sleep.

Nick’s supplements:
1 Vitacost Multi
1 huge Fish Oil capsule (heart, inflammation)
1 lycopene (heart, circulation)
1 CoQ10 (heart, circulation)
1 turmeric (inflammation)
1 B complex (you make less as you age)

And similar insomnia supplements, but he doesn’t like taking an OTC every night.

The key to all this is having pill boxes so you can just grab and gulp. It has made a huge difference in our consistency of taking supplements. :)

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New Diet for Missy Kat!

So I made the decision to start making Missy’s food myself. At first, I thought “Eh, no big deal, I’ll whip up some chicken and rice and that’ll do it!” Um. NO. Fortunately for Missy, I had sense enough to do some research and I found out that felines, being obligate carnivores, cannot live on chicken meat and rice. Like, at all. The rice especially is horrible for cats. Too bad other pet owners don’t do their homework and starve their cats with a diet like this. :(

Amongst other things, I learned that the feline diet should consist of 80% protein, 10% fat and 10% carbs (at most). Cats in the wild do not eat carbs at all. Cats are completely unlike dogs when it comes to diet. Despite what the pet food industry insists, cats should not eat kibble alone (which I’ve known for a long time), or really at all. Kibble has way too much filler in the form of carbs. And despite what the pet food industry pushes, cats do NOT eat sweet potatoes, peas, beans or any sort of grain. Just because it sounds tasty to us does not mean it’s appropriate for our cats. Dogs? Sure. Feed them whatever. They are omnivores and scavengers in the wild. Cats are not dogs.

As I started to read and learn about the feline diet, I started a cart at vitacost.com with the supplements I’d need to make Missy’s food. It was complicated to decipher the various recipes and I didn’t want to buy a grinder to grind the meat with bones to make the raw food. I’m not even sure Missy would eat a totally raw diet. So I kept reading and reading and I came upon TCFeline.com. This site is a treasure trove for understanding the feline diet and learning to make a homemade food that is balanced. They also link to sellers of the premix for plain ground meat (without bones). AND the mix was the same cost as all the supplements I had in my cart. The 17oz bag is $53 plus s/h and makes about 8-10 batches of 2#. That’s a lot of food! Plus I don’t have to worry about measuring calcium and getting the calcium/phosphorus ratio right or any of that. This mix mimics the nutrients found in rodents, which is the primary food source of a wild cat. ALSO, this premix can be used in a cooked diet as easily as a raw one. Which is what I’m doing. I get 2# of ground meat (I used chicken and turkey for this first batch, next will be chicken and veal) and I cook it at low temp like this recipe suggests.

Missy’s kidney numbers have started to creep up, which is the reason I started looking into CKD dietary needs in the first place. I was surprised to find out that the standard low protein diet for cats with renal issues is actually NOT what you should do at all. There is a good study that was done to prove that low protein diets made no difference in cats with kidney disease. Knowing what I do about the feline diet, I am not surprised by this. While phosphorus is an issue, protein is not. More about chronic kidney disease in the older cat.

I also got an herbal supplement for Missy in addition to her new improved homemade food: Kidney Support Gold from PetWellbeing.com

Her new diet was started Sep 25 2015. Her Urea Nitrogen was 35 at this time. I’ll update this post with her new numbers in a few months. Hopefully, I’ll see improvement. [Missy made it to Aug 2016. Not sure if the diet helped or not. -A 2017]

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Old Lady Supplements

I’ve suffered insomnia for over a decade and now I get to add hot flashes to it. Yay. I’ve tried many supplements without success (SEE note at the end!!), but I have finally dialed in a good combo of supplements to beat back the evil hot flashes. The supplements I take specific to hot flashes have an * next to them:

DAILY
1 multi vitamin (Vitacost brand)
1 B complex (you need LOTS of B as you age!)
*1 Selenium 200mcg (hot flash relief)
2 Turmeric 450mg (for inflammation of joints and carpal tunnel, I’ve had very good results!)
*1 E 100mg – 400mg (finishing the 100 then going to 400; works with selenium)
OR 1 evening primrose oil cap ~500mg (for inflammation and arthritis) it also has E in it

*Plus these tinctures for old lady crap:
1 dropper 2x/day chasteberry (aka vitex)
.5 dropper 2x/day black cohosh (full dropper if you’re not on hormones)
I only take motherwort now for insomnia, not daily.
.5 dropper 2-4x/day motherwort (also helps with insomnia)

I’ve recently come across L Theanine (200mg), which was indicated for anxiety and calming. Nick takes it for anxiety and I found that it knocks me right out, so I use it for insomnia. It is an amino acid with no known drug interactions.

Yes, I take about 8-10 pills a day. Yes, it is a PITA. But it is working! Get a big ass 2wk pill thingie and put all the various things in it for 2 wks then you just grab and go in the morning!
IMG_1343

My insomnia solution that mostly works is the following: one naproxen, one OTC sleep aid (doxylamine succinate, NOT diphenhydramine, which revs me up) and one valerian cap. I’ve also used Sleep Assure (Nature’s Plus) but the melatonin can often backfire and I’ve used Deep Sleep (Herbs Etc.). Here is a Slate article about various sleep aids.

Speaking of melatonin, I’ve preached about this, but no one listens: DO NOT USE LARGE DOSES OF MELATONIN FOR INSOMNIA. Anything more than 3mg is a HIGH dose and will likely backfire on you. Melatonin is a sleep regulator, NOT a sleep aid. Read this article and stop using melatonin the wrong way!

Warning about Dong Quai for Old Lady issues: I got a supplement that had dong quai in it and it turned ON the hot flashes, like ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT hot flashes. After doing some research, I found out that in some women, dong quai is very bad for hot flashes. YUP, I can confirm this. Not everyone, mind you, just some. So be careful about taking that if you’re old.