Yes, there is much discontent and foul humour in the ranks recently. There appears to be a malaise going around, actually a couple of them. There is a personal one that involves depression, loss of direction and a general BLAH – which is trying to get me – and there is a couples one that involves unhappiness, fights and breaking up. That one doesn’t affect us, natch. As always, we’re happy as bugs in a rug!
It’s hard to be of any use whatsoever to our friends who are having couples issues when we’re doing great and have never really had the issues that these other couples have. We watched the movie Closer last night and I think that’s what’s gotten me to thinking about the nature of couples and how completely STUPID people can be when it comes to relationships. We were watching this movie about 2 couples who are deceitful and duplicitous to each other for no good reason and marvelling at how much like real life it was. If they weren’t being mean, then they were totally in denial about the relationships they were working so hard to ditch and/or create. ARGH! Why do people have make things so damned hard? Why do people insist on denying the truth rather than just addressing it and getting to the heart of the issue?
I’m am not lying when I say that I’ve only had one relationship in my life that was based on feelings that were not anchored in reality. One. That’s all it took to make me realise that any relationship based on less than total honesty to oneself and one’s partner will, 100% of the time, end up in the crapper. You simply MUST be honest about what you want (or not) and if this person you’re with will do that for you.
I guess the biggest issue is that most people live in the Land of Denial and simply will NOT be honest with themselves. If you know in your heart of hearts that you want to breed, then why would you choose a partner that has no interest in that? If you know that you have certain issues that require certain actions from your partner and your partner is not capable of fulfilling the task, why try to force the issue? If you are with a person who treats you like shit and berates you, then why on EARTH would you want to continue putting up with that? Why would you rather deny the truth and get whacked with it when you break up than be truthful up front and avoid harsh confrontations? It just doesn’t make sense.
I dunno, I’ve always felt that if you don’t take care of YOU, then how can you have anything to offer someone else? Relationships are not to complete you, they are to enhance and bring out the best in you. I’ve been lucky enough to have had lovely boyfriends who always taught me something and made me better. I’ve never been in an abusive relationship or even a destructive one. Even the Greek, who was a HUGE asshole, treated me well and didn’t drag me down. And now I am partnered with a wonderful man who has taught me a ton of things and who has definitely made me better in SO many ways.
I’d like to think that my truthful nature has something to do with that. It’s not always pleasant to hear the truth about yourself, but it is always good to hear it and OWN it. Believe me, I know my faults and I try very much to correct them, but even if they still run rampant, I OWN them. They are MINE. I think Nick will agree that it’s far more useful to burn energy getting through an issue and owning it than to deny it and pay dearly later when it bites you on the ass.
Well, anyway, I wish everyone who is suffering from the current round of malaise the best of luck. I hope that everyone can find his or her bliss and be happy again soon! If there is anything that I can do for anyone, please just ask. :-)