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9/11 Memorial Service

8pm: I have no new quotes or really, no new anything to say. I attended the memorial service at the National Cathedral today, via TV at a local church, but unfortunately I left before GeeDubya’s speech so I don’t know what he said. We have our candles burning on the front porch for the 7pm thing, but no one seems to know if it’s 7pm local or EST or PST or what. In any case, I’ve had a candle burning since Tuesday.

I’m happy to say that I’m not bursting into tears anymore, but I am still a little edgy and kinda pissed off that we’ve not launched an attack yet. Yes, I know, I know, “we’ve got to find the person(s) responsible”. Grrr. Whatever. I had violent dreams last night, one of which involved my being shot for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I think it simply reflects the overall feelings I’ve had for the last week: it could happen to anyone.

And it is nice to hear airplanes buzzing overhead again – although I now notice them a LOT more than before. I really do hear every single one that goes over the house. Weird.

Now I’m going to have a semi-normal Friday night: pizza, beer and the SciFi channel. I’ll try to only think of the terrorists every other minute.

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9/11/2001

9pm

I’ve been too upset to say anything today. I’ve been glued to CNN for 12 hours now, like everyone I suppose, and I am just now able to come to my Mac and write.

As everyone who is conscious knows, today is the 21st Century’s “day of infamy”. Our own soil has been attacked by gutless cowardly terrorists who used our own planes and passengers to attack our World Trade Center and our Pentagon.

Those of us who are in our 30’s can’t even remember any wars of consequence. We’ve never seen the draft or had our country violated in any way. I guess we never thought it could happen.

We were wrong.

As I watched the twin towers fall this morning, I felt a deep fear stir in me. I felt ill. I felt like I was witnessing a pivotal moment for this country and we 30-somethings would never be the same for it. I am deeply affected by this act of war. Nick and I have shed tears for all those innocent people who were just minding their own business this morning – only to have their planes hijacked or to have their offices explode in flames.

I sent out frantic emails this morning to my friends in New York and DC and I am so grateful that our infrastructure got their replies back to me quickly. I cried from relief, and I am grateful that the internet is up and keeping me in touch with the people that I take for granted.

Despite ATT’s admonitions to stay off the phones today, I’m not ashamed to say that I’ve talked to my NYC friends and my family and Nick has called his family as well. I just wanted to be sure they were safe.

I hurt for this terrible evil that has happened to us.

And I want blood.

Where are the bombers? Why isn’t Afghanistan a greasy spot? Why isn’t Pakistan just a memory? I think we should bomb now and let allah sort them out. It’s clear that this was done by Islamic extremists – hell, they’ve been after us for years. We all know that Afghanistan is protecting Bin Laden and we’ve all seen the tapes of Palestinians and other fanatical militant Muslims celebrating the mass murders that occurred today.

I say they should all burn. We have the firepower and we definitely have the desire to eradicate the scumbags who promote and support terroristic acts around the world. Let’s just DO IT. Would anyone on this planet really care if the troublemakers were terminated? I think not.

I suppose the question is: does GW have the balls to do it? Will he be able to carry out the retaliation that is necessary? Only a severe strike will do. Terrorists must be stopped and they must know that we will not be fucked with.

I hope tomorrow will bring forth the collective balls of our government and I hope the camel riding terrorists of the world will feel our wrath.

9/11

World Trade Center, 9/11/01
World Trade Center, 9/11/01

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Now, I Find…

…I’ve Changed My Mind – Drowned World by Madonna

My trip to California was not at all what I expected. First of all, I didn’t get any job offers. Secondly, I didn’t want any of the jobs I interviewed for in the first place.

That may not seem to be such a big deal, but believe me, it was – it IS – a big deal. You see, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve decided that I don’t want to be a tech any more. I still totally love my Macs and I will always be a geek, but I just can’t do it any more. I can’t hear one more user whine. I can’t be asked one more stupid, unimportant question on an interview. I don’t give a rat’s ass what the IEEE number of USB or FireWire is, nor do I care if I score well on a random test that some schmuck of an HR person relies on to quantify candidates because they don’t have a clue about the job they are hiring for. I can’t deal with one more person trying to quantify me and shove me into what they think a good support tech should be. I just can’t.

So, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve redone my resume to reflect more admin stuff and less tech and I’ve removed my tech resume from Monster.com as well. I’m applying with as many nonprofit corporations as I can find and hoping that I can find someone who will believe that I actually have done other things besides be a Mac tech. So far, it’s slow going, but I feel strongly that this is the right path for me.

While I was in CA, I really did feel that I was having some sort of crisis, like a pre-midlife crisis or something. But as I thought about it more, I realized that I’ve not really enjoyed doing support for about a year. Every call I got made me cringe and even doing a marketing mailer was no fun at all. In my heart of hearts, I knew that I didn’t want to do this any more, but I felt that I had no other marketable skills. I still feel that way to some extent, but I’m willing to be open to other opportunities that I’ve ignored until now. I really enjoy web design, but that’s not the best field to be in right now, so I think I’ll do some generic office work until I decide what I want to do.

I would like to go back to school for something, but I’m not sure what. I have such wide interests that there is no telling what in the world I’ll end up doing! For instance, I’m considering some sort of holistic healing (herbalist?), art restoration or culinary school. I’m currently enrolled in a Chinese brush painting class and I hope that it will jump start my creativity and perhaps give me more ideas about what to do. I’m also still considering doing some an online shop of some sort. [I did in 08! An Etsy shop! -A]

Aside from the career change, I’ve also changed my mind about some blogs that I’ve been reading. As I was reading yet another snide, narrow minded, holier-than-thou proclamation from one blogger, it occurred to me that that person has a teeny tiny world and that person will always have small thoughts until s/he opens up to the magic of the uncertain.

I will not read any more negative blogs done by narrow minded people, period. I still want good rants, mind you, but I don’t need to hear about how much smarter than everyone else someone is, even though s/he can’t tell the difference between cuisine and soda pop or a large city and a small town. I also don’t want or need to hear about how everyone who goes for clarity is an asshole, since it’s obvious that the blogger is beyond reproach and no one should DARE to correct an incorrect statement or bad grammar. Nuh-uh, baby. No more. Those people “should have went” [a common quote illustrating the grammar used in some blogs] to college or something rather than clog up the internet with bad attitudes and even worse grammar!

Deepak Chopra says that being willing to be uncertain is one of the main tenets of finding your own kind of success. Well, I’ve decided to give that a try. I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

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Escape Velocity

Escape velocity is when you finally get enough juice behind your convictions that the Universe listens. Let me tell you, friends and neighbors, it AIN’T easy to come by.

Well, it’s not easy for me, anyway. There are people like my friend Darbi who decide to do something and the Universe immediately jumps right on it and voilà, they change everything. Painlessly, quickly, successfully. It’s enough to make me cry. And sometimes I do, but not for long, because what’s the point? All it does is run your mascara and glob up your contacts.

This last week has been a horror for me. I had a heinous contract job that has made me want to change my life path and never do another design or Mac job ever again. My mother calls to tell me that my oldest cat is dying and will be put down. A leak springs in my kitchen ceiling- from the tree damage, no doubt. My asshole neighbors kept me up until 2am today and I got about 4 hours of sleep prior to this day of travel.

I’m exhausted both emotionally and physically. I’ve cried a river for my cat this weekend and I am pretty sure that she’s gone now and it hurts, dammit. I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.

So, here I am, in a plane, flying to San Francisco to attempt what now seems like the impossible: interview for a job so I can get away from all that stagnation in Georgia. What seemed like a great idea three weeks ago now seems like a silly, juvenile attempt to run away from my stupid little life so I can start up a new stupid little life somewhere else. What am I thinking?

I’m going to stop now. The fear and loathing is just too thick to get through. Maybe I’ll nap, if the vile rugrat behind me will stop kicking my goddam seat…

Next Day:

I’ve just returned from dowtown Mtn View. It’s a nice 1/2 hour walk and it’s fabulous outside today. All the locals think it’s a scorcher – which makes me laugh. Temps in the 80s are nothing to Southerners! I had wonderful chinese noodles for lunch at a place where I was the only white girl and it was CHEAP! Less than $5 for a huge bowl of noodles, broth, shrimp filled dumplings and broccoli greens. YUM!

My kitty was indeed put to sleep yesterday, but it was a good thing. She was in congestive heart failure due to hyperthyroidism and she was suffering. It hurts, but I’m glad she is not in any more pain. I know there is a kitty heaven where she hunts mousies every day and romps in the grass. Merry part, my littlest kitty Beeper. I’ll miss you.

As for me, I feel better today. I had a good nights sleep and some fresh air and I’m ready to look at Craigslist.org and see what sorts of jobs are out here.

That’s all for this Rant. I’m sure I’ll have more after this trip!

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Message in the Tree Branches

There I was, just mindin’ my own bidness, right?, when this HUGE TREE crashed down on my house and a 6 foot limb came through the back door…

Yessiree, Friday afternoon turned out to be quite an ugly sight here at Casa Misangela. You see, there was a pecan tree behind my house that has been worrisome since last year when its companion fell over in the other direction and the arborist said that this one remaining tree needed to come down, but the slumlord didn’t do it. Ever since then, I’ve been worried every time a breeze comes up that the tree will keel right over on top of my porch and kitchen.

The tree had inadequate roots holding it up due to its growing in a cluster of 3 trees that all shared the same roots. They should have been thinned decades ago, but they weren’t. In addition to this, the tree was very stressed due to the drought we’ve had here in the South for the last 3 years. The first tree fell about 5 years ago, missing the building and landing in the yard. The second tree fell last year, going sideways into the brush and slightly into the backyard of my neighbor behind me. The last of the cluster, with no roots left, fell on my porch and kitchen on Friday afternoon at 2:10pm. I think this is a (nother) message from the Universe telling me to get the FRELL out of Georgia.

I’ve never been in any sort of big emergency situation before. This incident scared the living SHIT out of me! I had a full blown panic attack while the whole thing was going on. This is how it happened:

2pm: I was at my new neighbor’s apt, talking about the neighborhood and discussing the TREE situation. I pointed out the leaning pecan tree and said that I was sure it would fall one day, and I hoped I didn’t live here when it did. It was a very large tree, about 2.5 feet in diameter. I look to the west and see a huge black storm cloud coming our way, so I scampered home to let the kitties in.

2:02pm: I am standing at the back door, trying to get Bernadette to come in, when she does a curious thing. She jumps off the porch, hunkers down in the yard and looks up at the pecan tree. About 2 seconds after that, I hear the first CCCCRACK. Terrified, I slammed the door shut and ran into the front room to call somebody, anybody to help. The tree held on — for now.

2:03 – 2:08: I am running around the apt in a panic, trying to find my phonebook so I can call the leasing office. I called the maintenance guy that lives down the street and he’s not home, natch. I finally find the book and I call the office, only to get the goddamned voicemail, which is all you ever get there. I leave a message that the tree is going to fall and someone needs to get over here. I then call the slumlord’s office and get the VM there, where I leave another message about the impending doom. By now I’m almost in tears.

2:08 – 2:09:50: I am pacing around the apt, wondering what the blue FUCK I’m supposed to do when the tree falls… I run into the kitchen and peek out at the tree, which is tilted about 10 degrees more than it was, but it’s still standing. I’m hoping the frelling thing will just make it one more day until I can cut it down myself. I go back and forth a couple of times, then I look out again.

2:10: As I’m standing there, I hear the horrible sound: C-C-C — and I ran into the front room/hallway, shooing cats as I go, seconds before the tree crashed into the kitchen. It was all CRACKING and thrashing and thumping and breaking glass as the tree flopped over in its death throes and lanced the kitchen with a six foot, 5 inch diameter branch.

2:10:30: I’m standing in the door arch of the hallway, shaking like the proverbial LEAF, gasping for air as the panic constricts my throat. It’s over.

2:11: I peek around the wall, into the kitchen. There is the 6 foot branch, through the back door, only inches from the cabinet and stove. Glass is everywhere. Tree bark is everywhere.

2:11:30: I pick up the phone and make the same calls as the first time, but now leaving messages that there IS a frelling TREE in my kitchen and someone better show up, like, NOW or there’ll be hell to pay. When I get to the slumlord’s call, his secretary picks up and I proceed to yell at her that she’d better find Chuck and he’d better get over here NOW.

2:15: I look out the kitchen window through the tree and to my amusement, I see my charcoal grill (with its brand new cover) is unscathed, as is my birdbath. This makes me grin with the absurdity of it all. I realize that I’d best document this clusterfuck, so I get the camera and manage to get it loaded with my shaky hands. I begin to shoot the damage. (I’ll have it all up as soon as I develop and scan)

2:20: I’m out in the pouring rain, shooting the damage when Chuck the Slumlord pulls up. I yell at him and tell him that he is in SO much trouble and this is SO his fault for not doing what the arborist told him to do last year. I stomp off, my panic given way to anger at this point. Chuck follows me into the house to see the kitchen and porch damage and apologizes and says he’s glad I’m OK. I inform him that he should be glad, because if I’d had so much as a broken fingernail, I’d OWN him for his negligence and endangerment of his tenants. I reminded him that I’d called his office just three weeks ago and left him a VM about this very tree and the even bigger one out front that desperately needs attention, but again, he did nothing.

So, he calls the weekend maintenance guy to get the branch out of my kitchen and repair the door until it can be replaced and he calls the tree guys to come and remove the tree. By some miracle, the tree guys were there by 5pm and the mess was gone by 8pm. In the meantime, Nick came home and I went to work to get away from the noise and the mess.

The morals of the story, kids, are 1) be the thorn in your slumlord’s ass if you know that something should be done, but doesn’t get done and 2) listen to your kitties who can tell when a tree is falling. I’d been mentioning the trees since last year, but I didn’t make enough stink about it, so I got the pleasure of being a natural disaster victim. And I’m frelling lucky that I ran from the back door, or I’d have been a frelling shishkabob.

My porch roof was taken out, the back screen door, the back door, the clothesline and my wrought iron porch rail is bent. By some miracle, the kitchen, the 2 windows on the back and the rest of the roof were undamaged. Chuck got off easy. Unfortunately, none of my stuff was damaged, so I have no reason to take him to court for that, but if he doesn’t want to pay me for my silence, then I think a few well placed phone calls should be enough to get him in hot water as a negligent slumlord. He knows this. He also knows that I’ve lived here for almost 10 years and I’ll not be intimidated. He’ll pay me for damages and lost wages (which is not much) and he’ll have the other trees serviced or I’ll be filing complaints right and left.

And now the question remains: how many more karmic messages will I have to endure before I take the hint and make the changes that need to be made? It’s time to do something. It’s time to move.