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Altered Realities

Well, it’s been a bit since my last entry. I just reread my political rant and I have to say that I’m pleased with it. I still feel the same, even as the “war” with Iraq is almost over now. It is all propaganda, no matter if it’s Baghdad Bob or our own media, you know. But this entry is not about our Bush Family Follies. No, it is about a lot more important stuff than that.

As the folks who read me already know, I and my closest friends had a life changing event a couple of weeks ago. I don’t want to rehash the event here, but a brief sketch is in order. On Sunday, March 30, 2003, my best friends’ house burned. They were to move out that day, only hours after the fire took all they had. They lost their beloved pets (a dog and a cat), a Betta fish and just about every single thing they owned. They did not have Renters Insurance (Do YOU??). It was horrific and it could have been avoided had their negligent landlord FIXED the goddam house in the first place. Bastard.

That event has set into motion some changes that I’ve still not totally comprehended. For those of you who know me, you know I’m the Organizer, the Jewish Mother, the One Who Gets Things Done. It was no different that Sunday. I put aside my horror, my fear, my sadness, my intense desire to commit murder, my state of shock and all the rest of it to get ahold of the situation and take care of the details. I called everyone who needed to know what happened. I scooped them up and brought them to my home to get them OUT of that burnt shell of a house. I organized the salvage of the most important items that day and I drove the truck myself. I took pictures. I organized the salvage operation over Monday and Tuesday to ensure that every possible item that could be saved WAS. I delegated jobs to the people at hand. I had Nick set up the PayPal account to wrangle donations from LiveJournal and other internet folk who wanted to help. I shopped. I washed clothes twice to try and get rid of that smell. During all this, I worked a shift and attended the memorial for the pets. And then worked some more.

Then I crashed. Hard. Saturday night rolled around with a 10 hour day at Rich’s (with more business than fucking Christmas). I came home and after some choice words with Nick, I collapsed into a screaming, crying mess. Then I slept about 11 hours.

After all this, I emerged. I was tired physically, emotionally, psychically. But I was also a changed woman. I realized how much I have to be grateful for and how much those crazy, disorganized, messy people really mean to me. I bitch about their total inability to clean up after themselves. But you know what? Those two mean the world to me. They really are my family – along with Nick and Andy, of course – and I can tell you for damn sure that had they been in that house, I’d not be writing this. As bad as it was dealing with the death of the animals (and it was bad) had anyone been in that house when it burned, there is no way on this earth that I could’ve gotten through that. No way. I’m strong, but I ain’t that strong.

So, I am grateful that it’s over and we’re all here, together. ‘Cept for Andy, and that is something that can’t be helped at the moment, unfortunately. This experience has altered my reality so much that I’ve not seen all of it yet. I can tell you that my misanthropy is at an all-time low. I can tell you that I say “I love you” a whole lot more. I can tell you that I thank God, Goddess and everyone else every day that we’re here. And this sure has put stupid shit into perspective. All the dramas of people pale in comparison to mortality. That silly “war” has also been put in its place.

I know that I’m not the only one whose reality has been altered. It’s happened to us all. And I, for one, am grateful for it.

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Today I talked with God

6:20pm

I talked with God today. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not like that at all. He was in the countenance of a little Indian man named Patel. We chatted at the sari store where I was buying sari remnants and some Hindu chants/religious music. I was rooting through the boxes of CDs, looking at the pictures on the front, trying to decipher which god/goddess the CD was for when God appeared next to me. He asked if I understood the CDs and I said no, so he explained which singers were the best and which gods/goddesses were represented. Then we got into a discussion about the Trinity and how it’s represented in Hinduism and how everyone, no matter what the outward religion, EVERYONE worships the One Power. Religion is the way we mere mortals try to understand the power of the All. He said it’s not the destination but the journey. He said if we’d remember that we are all one, we’d not fight. He said that just the thought of All There Is can be a religious experience. He said every single breath is our commune with God. He said when our minds are perfectly still, we will know God. We will know All There Is. He said that when we can detach ourselves from the drama of human affairs, we will reach Ecstasy. He said when we can understand the Great Nothingness of the Universe, we will be One with God.

My shopping today was not just for saris or CDs. It was God telling me to have patience and to enjoy the journey. It was God telling me that these mortal wars and strife are not important to our Journey. It was God reassuring me. It was God touching me. And I felt it, too. My tears of gratitude are proof that my heart got the message. Loud and clear.

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Birthday goodies!

5:45pm

My first post from my new G3 that Nick built me for my b-b-b-birthday! It’s a tricked out G3 tower: 466 G3, 20Gb disk, 576Mb RAM, 12x8x32 LaCie CD-RW, 16Mb ATI Rage 128 Video, 10/100 ethernet, 2USB/2Firewire card. I can now run 9.2.2 and OSX! It’s been fun getting all my stuff over from the 8550 and making everything work. I’ll be transitioning to OSX eventually, but I’m waiting for AvantGo to make an OSX conduit so I can do my Palm thang in X. I’ll be running my new DreamWeaver MX in X, so my next update will done from there. I hope. There are a lot of things I’m going to have to do in OSX before it’s palatable to me, so it will be a while before I’m ready to jump all the way into X.

I also got some cash from Mommie Dearest which I spent on clothes and books (my 2 favourite things). I got a box o’ goodies from Rhonda with a groovy little hippie top from the Village in NYC, a beaded kitty changepurse, a lovely scarf and shawl that she knitted for me by hand, and a flock of buddhas. I love all of it! Dani and Allen got me a handmade silk covered diary – it’s gorgeous! I’ve not received Andy’s box yet, but I’m sure it’ll be just fab! Nick also took me to see Beth Orton Sunday night. It was an acoustic show and very good. I enjoyed it immensely!

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Saints, Birthdays and Sinners

Happy All Saints’ Day!

As you probably know, I missed the Jody Halloween Party this year due to strep throat. I was very bummed and depressed to miss this fete, since it’s the event of the season and all, but I did. In an odd way, it was good that I was so terribly sick because it kept distracting me from the fact that I was missing a fabulous party with all my friends. So, to assuage my lack of Halloween party depression, we went out last night. I didn’t do a real costume, I just put on a little Indian top/skirt that I bought recently and did up the black eyeliner and bindis – voila! Instant costume. It was an OK time, but for the most part Decatur was very subdued. I hate when Halloween is in the middle of the week. I did get to see Jody all dolled up for his annual costume contest gauntlet. This year, he made the Bjork swan dress, complete with egg! LOL! I just love Jody’s creativity! Give that boy a glue gun and stand back!!

With Halloween a memory, now is the time to brace myself for another birthday. I love birthdays – presents!! – but I’m becoming acutely aware of my age and the lack of any big accomplishments in my life for someone with my, uh, wisdom. I know I’m a late bloomer, but…

Dani couldn’t wait for my birthday, so she gave me the gift early. It’s a covered journal with sea green silk in a butterfly pattern. Pretty! Nick got me tix to see Beth Orton on Sunday Nov 10 and that will be great fun!

It’s that time again: time to vote on Tuesday Nov 5 (the sinners section). The political ads here in Georgia (and everywhere, I suppose) are completely out of control. It’s enough to drive anyone from ever voting again. Lies on top of lies and meanspirited backbiting. Ugh. But still, we must ignore all of it and vote for each candidate on his or her record and ability to carry out the job s/he is vying for. It appears that I’ll be voting mostly democrat as usual. I detest the 2 party system and I wish it would be abolished – right along with the Electoral College. I think they should put all the candidates on the ticket with no party affiliations at all and see what happens. Heh, bet that would fuck up the old geezers who just look for the (R)! It’s just what we need, IMO.

I also want to mention some of my views about health care in this country, while I’m on the subject of politics.

I’m rarely sick, but when I get something, I usually get it intensely like I did this last weekend. I do not believe in health insurance, having been thru the HMO wringer back when I had a real job. I was treated like meat by the doctor and the filthy testing facilities (SmithKline, N. Decatur Rd.) were run by fatassed black women who were more interested in their BBQ wings (sitting conveniently on the testing counter) than giving quality care. It was a horror. Since that experience, I’ve refused to participate in that pathetic excuse for health care.

So, when I’m sick, if I can’t fix it with herbs and supplements, I have to go to the Dekalb Health Clinic. I’ve used the Dekalb Family Planning Clinic for my yearly gyno exam for about 10 years and I love it. I see the same nurse practitioner every year and everyone is just great. It’s clean, the admins and nurses are friendly and there is NO attitude. Everyone is there to help – imagine that! I go in, get prodded, chat with the nurse and walk out with 12 months of pills in my hand. Since I’m po’ this usually costs me under $50. Really.

The funny thing is that I’m usually the only white girl there. I don’t know how it is everywhere else (probably the same), but in Atlanta, only blacks and hispanics use the public health facilities. I find it puzzling that the majority of the population has no clue that there is health care available without using HMOs or ERs. Yes, the clinics are geared for lower income people, but the sliding scale is good for everyone. If you make too much money, you just pay the full price. I had never been to the Adult Primary Care Clinic before (I’m rarely sick) but it was as nice of an experience as the Family Planning clinic. It’s too bad that the stigma of low rent ghetto keeps people who need healthcare out of these clinics and in the horror show of HMOs.

I think it’s a sin for anyone in the richest country in the world to go without health care. Call me a socialist, I don’t care! Health care and education should be for anyone who needs or wants it. It’s an abomination for people to pay $100 a month for health insurance that won’t even cover 100%! Nick’s HMO is like this and they want another $100/mo to add me to it! Of course, I say fuck that. They can shove their $1200/yr fees for ZERO benefits. The one time I was sick and actually used my HMO, not only did I not get any relief at all, but I could never get my medical records because the cunts who ran the office could never find them again! Can you imagine!?! I added it up and that ONE office visit cost me about $600 in premiums to that piece of shit HMO. Oh, yeah, now that’s value. I simply cannot believe that the American people are such gimps that they’ll put up with this constant ass fucking. It astounds me.

If everyone would simply say NO to HMOs and take all that wasted money and put it into a healthcare fund, I think we could probably pay for a non-profit health system straight up.

My parents and my car insurance guy (car insurance is another RACKET that I’ll rant about another day) are horrified that I refuse to have medical insurance. They perpetuate the fear that if you don’t have insurance you will die on the side of the road if you’re in an accident. That is total bullshit. 100% bullshit. Not only will you get cared for no matter what, but if you can’t pay, you can’t pay. That’s what PUBLIC hospitals are for, people!! That is why we CANNOT allow our health care system to be privatized (any more than it already is). For-profit medicine is wrong and should be stopped in its tracks. It is the same idea as making all schools for-profit. It’s wrong and it should not happen. As it is, if you are unlucky enough to be taken to a for-profit hospital in an emergency, they can prosecute you just like any other business to get their money.

My question is: if you are seriously injured, then why does anyone care about the money in the first place? Shouldn’t a person’s welfare be more important than making a buck?

I’m also astounded by how little people know about their own health care. Americans have become so dependent upon the media and the 5 minute care of their HMO doctors that they don’t even know what meds they are on or why. I think that allowing drug companies to hawk their wares in TV ads is ludicrous! I can’t see that it’s any different than the liquor and cigarette companies hawking their crap! The Public does NOT need to be told how sick they are and which pills they need.

If someone is chronically ill, then he should work closely with his doctor to handle that illness. I always laugh at the end of these drug commercials when they say “tell your doctor what other drugs you are taking…”. Um, hello, but shoudn’t your doctor already know what you’re on?? Jesus! It’s insane! People do not have a clue about their health or any sort of prevention of disease. My grandmother (and my mother, too) is a prime example of the fucking that you’ll get if you don’t stay in control of your own health care. She takes drugs for the few ailments she has: arthritis, thyroid, allergies. I was looking over her scrips one day and I noticed that she had a bottle of ibuprofen. I asked her if she knew what it was and of course she didn’t. I asked her how much she paid for this and she said it was about $40/mo. I told her that it was a common over the counter analgesic and she could save her money by buying it off the shelf. She was horrified that I’d suggest such a thing and indignant that I would dare question her doctor. To her, it is a necessary medication that will get rid of her arthritis. The sad thing is that she is not even on any of the new anti-inflammatory drugs [NSAID] on the market that could ease her pain and really help her.

I’m concerned by this total lack of responsibility for one’s own health and I find that many, many people have it. I can take care of myself, thankyouverymuch. I know my body and I know what it will respond to. I don’t feel that this is odd, to the contrary, I feel that everyone should be responsible for the one thing that is truly yours: your body. People are wandering around out there without a clue about themselves. Women have babies without any idea of pregnancy. Children have asthma because they are raised in polluted cities with parents who smoke 2 packs a day around them. Old women suffer osteoporosis because they never once exercised or took a vitamin. Well, DUH!!!! Get a fucking clue, people!

I mean, how hard is it to take a couple of supplements? My mother has found the wonder of glucosamine supplements for her 30+ yr old horse, but wouldn’t think of taking it for her own arthritis pain. How idiotic is that? My mother also has severe osteoporosis (90% loss in some places), but will not listen to a word I say about supplements, diet and the importance of exercise for her condition. Her oh-so-concerned doctor has her on a crappy over the counter calcium supplement, but has not discussed the newer drugs for reversing osteoporosis or suggested that she exercise to strengthen her bones. Am I the only person that thinks this is fucked up?

Sometimes it feels like I am the only person who even notices any of this. Maybe it’s because I have enough sense to stick to what’s important, rather than what that sabre-rattling moron in Washington would prefer that I focus on.

[This post is STILL relevant 13 years later. How sad is THAT? Obamacare is shit. -A 2015]

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Beach Trip Revelations

So. Last time I ranted at all of you and then, THEN I ran away from home. Yes, I ran away to the beach for some much needed R&R to clear my head. It was the week of 9/11 and everywhere the energy was all jittery, plus a Mercury Retrograde was coming up on top of that. Not a good combo. So, I got in my car, like I do when I need to get the fuck AWAY, and I drove to Charleston, SC. It’s a nice, easy 5 hour drive that ends at the Beach. Aaaahhhhh.

I ate smoked turkey, croissants, cheese and poptarts. I drank wine and beer. I walked a lot and I thought a lot. I did Sun Salutations in the sand and gathered up some shells and seaweed. I took some awesome pix [see the Gallery]. It’s always amazing to me how much the ocean and beach restores my sanity!

Now that I’ve done that and I feel mostly back to normal, I thought I’d try to write some of the thoughts that came to me as I walked those miles on the beach. One thing that occurred to me was that no matter what it is, no matter how big of a deal it is to us humans, the Earth goes on. The world moves on. The ocean still ebbs and flows and the stars still shine each night. I was thinking about September 11 and I realized that as bad as it was, the planets still orbit the sun and the order of the Universe is not bothered at all. I’m not belittling that event, hell no, I cried about it again, I’m just pointing out perspective. I think Stevie Nicks says it well in the song Planets of the Universe:

And the Planets of the Universe
Go their way.
Not astounded by the sun or the moon
or by the day.

Those buildings and those people are gone, gone, gone. There is not one thing we can do about that. But what we can do is elect politicians who will lead this country and this world into the future with integrity and thoughtfulness and farsightedness. We can try to be as fair as we can to our fellow humans. We can hold ourselves to high standards and expect the same of others. We can be true to ourselves. We can tell the truth. We can be strong enough to bear the truth. We can follow our hearts’ desires. We can be happy. We can show each other our true selves and expect the best from each other.

I know that I am hella difficult at times. I know that I expect a lot from people. I know I have zero tact. I do try to be tactful, it just never seems to work out for me! What I really think always ends up coming out my mouth or my emails or my Rants and it usually does this in the most blunt way possible – much to my chagrin. But at least I try to live what I blab about all the time! I vote for the politicians who are the lesser of the evils. I do not spend my money with companies who do bad things to animals or the Earth. I boycott stores, products and even TV channels who do stupid shit and won’t rectify the situation. I recycle. I take care of my pets (spay and neuter, people!). I drive an efficient car. I fill out my donor card. I know I’m just one little person, but I figure if 1,000,000 other little people do the same then it’ll add up to something, right?

Isn’t that all we can do in this life? We can do our best and live life to the fullest, because you just never know when your time is up and you’ll be gone, gone, gone.