Someone posted a graphic about “askholes” on FB. It says:
Askhole: A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them.
I’d like to add, “Then gets pissed off when things go to shit but they wouldn’t have if she had listened in the first place.” I use she because askholes are typically chicks.
It’s the story of my life. This last batch of defriendings and harsh words was completely due to Askhole Syndrome. I’ll never understand why chicks who claim to be friends ask for my opinion, then when I give it they get pissed off. I’ll also never understand why people (mostly chicks, the occasional dude) will lie to me repeatedly and then be aghast when I call them out. Have you met me?
One chick in question was always asking for help and advice, but held it against me when I was right. Makes no sense. She was always needing something from me and I complied when I could. I patted her head when she would sit and bawl like a lost calf on my sofa. I lent her money (which was promptly repaid, no problem there). I helped her move THREE times. Yet she resented my help and ended up lying to me rather than breaking up with me for whatever her reasons were. If you’re done, that’s fine, just have respect enough to SAY SO. Get a SPINE. Lying like a little cowardly bitch is really not the way to go with me. I’ll call you out publicly and it won’t be nice. As she found out.
Same for the dude. After a decade long friendship, he decides that my enquiring about his life is verboten. Rather than politely refuse to discuss and SAY SO, he resented each and every enquiry and took it as a horrible agressive act on my part – yet he chose to answer. I don’t understand that, but whatever. It’s probably the pot smoking. And rather than bow out honestly, he began to avoid me, then lie about it. You’d think after a decade, he’d know me better than that. Apparently not. If you lie, I WILL catch you and I’ll call you out.
Then there’s the chick who caused much drama and gore. Ah, yes. One of the best examples of narcissistic self involved people I’ve ever met. Probably the daily pot smoking. While I did like her a lot and we seemed to have a lot in common, the lies and deceit eventually ruined it. I should have ended it the moment she started lying about seeing the dude (who I introduced her to). Then it got worse since she was lying to her SO and I became an accomplice. Then it got critical when she started boasting about how sneaky she was and how her lies were so good. Needless to say, that ended with harsh words, but it was she who was mad at me for… What? Oh, yes, for being upset by the end of a decade long friendship with the dude and talking about it. Although she was the one lying to her SO and cheating and sneaking around and being a dick about it, I was clearly to blame. I suppose it was my unwillingness to be an accomplice to such underhanded, dirty dealings. Don’t know for sure, all I got was vociferous name calling and accusations about it.
All I can say is that I think people who smoke dope daily seem to have trouble connecting with others on anything deeper than a party level. Pretty much every pothead I’ve ever known has been like this. No more potheads for me, thanks.
But for whatever reason, the latest batch of deletions has shown me that I’ve got to be more careful about who I let in. I’ve got to stop my schadenfreude fascination of people who are train wrecks. Sonya was right: I adopt broken people. And I’ve got to be more vigilant about backing off of people who lie to my face – before it becomes a scene. I have a habit of ignoring it in the name of friendship until it is a HUGE issue. It’s why when I’m done, I AM DONE. I’ll rip you to shreds and toss you aside. It’s because I’ve been hurt by the lies and I feel used. So I lash out. It’s my nature and as much as I try, it’s just the way it is.
It is my mission to stop being used by broken people and/or potheads. I just want honesty. And I’m sick of askholes. If you ask for my opinion, you’ll get it. And if you whine to me about things not working out because you did the opposite of my advice, I’ll tell you it’s your own damn fault. Anyone who’s met me knows that.
Perhaps it’s not just me who needs to be more vigilant about the types of friends they want.
If you want an accomplice or a yes-girl, I am CLEARLY not the choice for you. If you want someone who doesn’t give a damn about you and will never ask questions, I am CLEARLY not the choice for you.
I pointed out the various reasons you’d not want me as a friend in a previous post called Delete Me. I strongly suggest reading it if you are confused by my intent.
This post felt good. I’ve been needing to talk about this stuff for a few months. I’ve been waiting for the various parties to move on so I can speak freely. This is not about THEM, it’s about ME. Which is why comments are OFF.