Personal Responsibility

The concept of personal responsibility has gone by the wayside along with parenting and functional government. (And get off my lawn! ::curmudgeon::)

Personal responsibility, to me, is acknowledging your past but not being defined by it. It is taking responsibility for your life and your choices. It is moving on with your life despite whatever fuckups happen. It’s having balls enough to discipline your brats and not feel guilty about it. It is your job to raise citizens, not crybabies who just want everything handed to them by others. It’s about getting ON with your life.

Basically, GET OVER IT.

I know that this is not politically correct in these times of Nanny Government and liberal parenting (which means none, btw), but it’s really the core of what personal responsibility is. No one can fix you. No one can flip a switch and make all the self inflicted mind fucks go away – except you.

I have been thinking very hard lately about why some people just wallow and never seem to bring themselves out of whatever their issues are. Everyone has issues. Everyone has shit happen. But some people take responsibility for their happiness and somehow manage to deal with the problem and move the fuck on. Other people spend their whole lives doing the same things over and over and never get past it. Why is that?

I don’t know what the exact formula is for everyone, but I know about myself and Nick. We are both of the opinion that you have to help yourself. Yes, you can go to therapy, but ultimately, a therapist can’t fix you. YOU have to fix you. It all keeps coming back to choices. You can choose to spend your life miserable or not. I’m not saying it’s EASY, but I’m saying that you have to make the CHOICE. I’ve never been traumatised by anything, so I don’t know much about it, but I’ve got my own issues that I had to decide to NOT spend any more time on. So I didn’t. Nick has been traumatised, severely, and he decided to not let that trauma define him. He chose to move on. And he did.

So, again, why do so many people choose to be stuck and miserable? (Yes, I’m asking. Please comment.)

YOU are your responsibility. I’m sure fear is a huge factor here, but it’s self inflicted fear. I think that everyone has the choice to let their minds fuck them or not. Not doing anything to change the situation in one’s mind is a choice. No one in the world can help what’s going on in your head. Only YOU can change your thoughts and your choices. Therapy is great – especially CBT – but the therapist’s influence stops at your brain. It’s called COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY, not “Oh, Here’s a Pill” therapy. Know what the “cognitive” in CBT stands for?

COGNITION
Cognition is a term referring to the mental processes involved in gaining knowledge and comprehension, including thinking, knowing, remembering, judging and problem-solving.

Notice the “problem-solving” part? Yep, that means YOU have DO something to get yourself out of your rut. YOU. Use your brain. Read a goddam book. See a therapist. Get hypnotherapy. Take up boxing. SOMETHING.

All this does not mean that I don’t care about my friends who are in ruts – far from it! It means I do care and I’d like to help, but I can’t. Having 25 people on FB or LJ tell you how great you are is not really helping anything. That is called enabling (def: making possible or easy). When people post nothing but oh-you’re-so-great comments to a woe is me post, it is positive feedback. Getting positive feedback encourages more of the same behaviour. It’s a vicious circle! I’m not saying that support is bad, I am saying that for some people it is an opiate that keeps them right where they are. Which is why I keep my whining to a minimum online. I really don’t want all the attagirls. It grosses me out. I’m much more a Dr Phil fan: How’s that workin’ for ya? Which is exactly what I ask myself. :)

I am saddened by the lack of happiness that some people insist is the only way. I’ve seen it SO many times. I’ve learned not to get personally involved any more, but it still hurts me when friends are so very stuck. I’m a doer and I hate it when I can’t DO anything. Ugh.

I came across “grit” as a personality trait when I was getting definitions for the other terms in this post and it is defined as:

Grit is defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals.” […] Grit is conceptualized as a stable trait that does not require immediate positive feedback. Individuals high in Grit are able to maintain their determination and motivation over long periods of time despite experiences with failure and adversity. Their passion and commitment towards the long-term objective is the overriding factor that provides the stamina required to “stay the course” amid challenges and set-backs. Essentially, the Grittier person is focused on winning the marathon, not the sprint.

Go read the full wiki about Grit, it is fascinating. I suppose this is the difference between those who move on and those who don’t? Makes sense to me.

I wish I could instill grit into others. I think Nick and I have it. We have made choices for our future and we’re not concerned about the interim suffering that may occur. We are not factoring that in at all, actually, because we have goals. And we intend to meet them. We will sacrifice our short term credit scores and all of that in order to take control of our money and create the future we want. To us, it’s a small price to pay. I see the horror in the eyes of most people when we talk about the bankruptcy. I don’t find it horrifying, I am finding it very satisfying and empowering. It’s all in the way you think about it, you see.

I’m not unsympathetic to my friends, I’m really not. I just think that you should use every single tool in your barn to create your happiness. If that tool is therapy, do it! If it’s bankruptcy, do it! If it’s ditching every friend you have, moving cross country and starting over, do it! If it’s forcing yourself to put aside all that baggage you carry, DO IT. If it’s sucking up the hurt and fear, then DO IT.

It’s not easy. Trust me, it’s NOT. But what worth doing is? If everything was easy (like sheeple these days seem to want it), then what’s the damn point? I’ve seen a tulip overturn a rock 15x its size. I daresay it wasn’t easy for the tulip, but it persevered and by gods, it pushed that damn rock out of the way. It had GRIT. And it had the most lovely flowers. Coincidence?