Ponderings on Chickitude

The other day I woke up with a startling revelation: my own mother is a Chick.

I know, RIGHT? GAH!!

Well, this certainly makes a lot of sense. No wonder I’ve such a strong aversion to anything chicky. I learned at an early age what the signs of Chickitude are. This also explains why people from high school always say how “sweet” my mom is and I am horribly confused. Who are they talking about? My mother has always been seething with resentment and jealousy! Who is this Nice Lady they talk about?

As it turns out, one of the Chick’s most powerful weapons is the Nice Lady façade that they display. Having grown up with it, I can see right through it and it has never occurred to me (until this revelation) that few people see through it as easily as I do. Which is why it works for Chicks in the first place! Ha!

The irony of this will become apparent as you read the rest of this entry…

I’ve always been the anti-chick. I’d rather piss you off with my opinions and assertions than seethe in resentment while hiding behind “being nice”. To me, this is the ultimate LIE. I don’t like liars and I don’t like Chicks because they lie about how they feel in order to preserve the notion that they are “nice”.

For the record, I don’t think being two faced, hateful, manipulative, jealous and fake are particularly nice traits. Just sayin’.

Before I go any further, let’s list some basic Chick attributes:

• Nice to your face while hating your guts
• Generally they are doormats because they think that’s how to be “nice”
• They date/marry assholes until they realise that there are tons of truly nice men that     they can manipulate easily, then they go for them
• They manipulate with tears, hissy fits, etc., to get their way
• They create total lockdown on their men due to extreme insecurity
• They have no female friends because Chicks only hang with Chicks and Chicks are     way too insecure to have real friends (competition, you know!)
• They are jealous of other women without provocation
• They go to extraordinary lengths to prove how “nice” they are until you get them     drunk then all that pent up hate and resentment flows out, usually with much crying
• Everyone else on the planet is an asshole except them
• They are almost always “depressed” and certainly neurotic
• They will look you in the eye and LIE
• They will always, 100% of the time, turn on you

I’m sure you now have a mental list of several Chicks that you know. Ok, now that you’ve got the picture, let’s discuss how Chicks work.

We’ll use my mother as the first example. She spent most of her life being “nice”. She was a doormat to her family and when she married the “bad boy” of the town, she was his doormat, too. She dutifully popped out puppies and did the housewife thing. She ran my father’s various companies and never did anything for herself. Her whole life was spent in servitude to her husband, children and pets. And she resented it. A lot. She had a hard, dried up pit of a heart that I saw while growing up. She had nothing but disdain for me while fawning over her perfect son (exactly what her mother did to her) and she showed me her selfishness over and over.

Fast forward 40 years. When my mother lost her mind at menopause, she decided that she’d had enough of everything and everyone and she let loose all that built up bile. She became as nasty and evil on the outside as she had been on the inside for all those years. She voiced hatred of her husband and family. She became nothing but mean and hateful. The lesson here: being fake nice is BAD for you. (It’s interesting to note that my grandmother, too, has exhibited mean and hateful behaviour as her dementia grows.)

I, for one, am not interested in fake niceness. It leads to some baaaad shit down the road. I’ve seen it up close and personal. I’d rather live my life being The Bitch and not holding grudges than being The Nice Lady on the outside and rotten on the inside. I have no regrets. I have no depression. I have no neuroses. Why? Because I am honest and don’t play Chick games. If you don’t like me, that’s perfectly fine with me.

I was given a book years ago (I was, like, 22?) by a very astute woman who saw that I was deeply conflicted about who I was vs how my mother (and society, let’s be honest) wanted me to be. That book is called The Dance of Anger and it was a VERY eye opening book. It’s all about the psychology of Nice Ladies vs Bitches and it helps you deal with the fallout being one or the other. It’s pretty easy to figure out: Nice Ladies are Chicks. Bitches are women who interact like men – which is to say: straightforward and honest to the point of hurting.

I am fine with being classified as a Bitch. I think it’s by far the best of the choices. Being a bitch does not mean that I don’t care about people or that I never do anything nice. To the contrary, I do more for my friends and causes than any Nice Lady I’ve ever met. Nice Ladies (Chicks) are too concerned about themselves to do much for anyone else – and if they do manage to do something for someone, you can be sure they want accolades for it. When they don’t get “credit” for things like raising their children or taking care of the home (aka things THEY chose to do), it becomes seething resentment in their souls. That resentment will end up killing their souls just like it did to my mother.

I’ve never met a Nice Lady who is really nice. They are the ones who sit and snark on everyone and whine about how everyone is mean and hateful (except them, of course). And then give big smiles and hugs to the very people they can’t stand. Which is why they sidestep me quickly (to avoid being outed) or try to be my “friend” just to gather intel for when they lash out and pitch their fits, which will ALWAYS happen with Chicks. Guaranteed. I find it amusing to let them feel superiour and feel that they are winning their little game then not giving them the satisfaction of being crushed when they play their hand and expect massive drama. I like to see just how far they’ll go with it. Usually pretty far, in my experience.

I really love the ones who have latched on to nice guys. As I’ve said, these women realise that go-with-the-flow kinds of guys are perfect for them, because they can continue to be “nice” outwardly while running the show and being manipulative bitches behind the scenes. See, with nice guys, they are all too willing to do what they are told to keep the peace. Who wants to be kept up all night by a crying hysterical woman? It’s easier to comply. Chicks know this and they use it to their advantage.

I’ve been working on my bitchiness over the years. It’ll always be there and I’ll always blab my opinions, but it’s much better than it used to be. Having a Taurus man to reign me in helps! I’ve come to realise that the people who love me are the ones who appreciate my straightforwardness. My circle of girlfriends, who I adore, put up with my opinions and occasional snark because they know I just don’t like to lie. And with growing up around a Chick, lies include doilies that hide my true feelings, aka being Nice.

To me, there is nothing more unhealthy than Chicks who pretend to be nice. I’ve seen it up close – it’s a nasty, horrible way to live. It rots out your insides and leaves you an isolated, lonely and mean person in the end. It is the cause of most female neuroses, I’m certain.

The irony is that for all my disgust with Chicks, I still give them every opportunity to rise above it. Mostly because I realise that all this is rooted in insecurity and I believe that insecurity can be overcome. (I know, silly me!)

I gave the current Chick unlimited passes out of respect for my guy friend. This is what pisses her off. She expects respect from everyone, but lives a life of lies and manipulation and petty jealousy. Honey, everyone knows you are lying – that’s why you have no “friends”. I use quotes because what this woman wants is yes-women, not real friends.

I’m accused of “disrespectful” and “mean spirited” behaviours, yet I’ve never once confronted her or challenged her – prior to her email, that is. She is right about one thing: I have never had respect for her because she’s done nothing to earn it. I bent over backwards for this woman AND her children, yet I’m the bad one. Right. All she’s ever done is be a total psycho about me – even before she met me. She has acted like an idiot at conventions, been completely inhospitable when they let us stay with them for SDCC in 08 and done everything in her power to keep my friend from spending time with us. She nixed APE this year and she admitted to keeping my friend from calling us on Thanksgiving. (quote from her email: “[My guy friend] and I almost called yous guys on Thanksgiving, but I got to crying and drinking and felt, somehow, the timing would not be exactly right. And, they say I’m crazy! lol”) Timing? Timing for what? Your planned assault on me? When you come right out and admit to blocking your man from a goddam phone call, you pretty much admit that you’re a Chick and things will end badly. Duh.

So, respect? You’ll get none of that from a Chick. You’ll get lots of talk about how much DISrespect they get from everyone, but it’s really odd how little respect they offer to anyone.

So, to all the Chicks who may read this (you know who you are), I implore you to get the book The Dance of Anger. I beg you to reevaluate your stance on being “nice”. And lastly, I invite you to reexamine your treatment of the non-chicks in your life. I think you’ll see that we have never been out to get you (got better things to do, yo!). You have been out to keep up your fake nice façade, no matter who you have to use or manipulate. And hurting everyone in the process.

Trust me, the men you manipulate DO get hurt. And those of us you use for your manipulation don’t really find it FUN, either.

Do you think that’s fair?

I don’t.