Things We Know, pt 2

We were chatting yesterday on our way up to Suwanee (we were installing a Mac Mini for a friend) and there’s just a bit more to add to the previous post. These addenda are about being in a partnership:

1. Communicate. You must speaka da same language! If one doesn’t understand the words coming out the mouth of the other, how can anything get done? One of the most important parts (THE most important, perhaps) of a solid partnership is understanding each other. Verbally, emotionally, actively understanding how your partner works is absolutely essential.

2. Respect. If your partner nixes the idea that you should spend $7000 on a Galaxie Convertible because it’s not a reasonable car for daily driving, then you don’t get the Galaxie. (This did not happen to me, BTW – we are always looking for a good deal on a car, but we want a studio more. It was a mutual decision.) You should be able to detect whether your partner is on board with an idea whether s/he says it out loud or not. If you detect any resistance from your partner about something you’re up to, then it’s YOUR responsibility to cease and desist until YOU find out what the issue is. One partner running roughshod over the other is disrespectful and immature. It’s disrespectful to do it and it’s immature to allow yourself to be ignored or otherwise overridden on important decisions.

3. Don’t Allow Treason. Treason is when one partner does something stupid then goes to look for a Greek chorus to justify his/her jackassery. Your issues with your partner should be handled internally. (Please refer to #1 for how to do this.) You can call out anyone else you want and even call out your partner for silly stuff like leaving the seat up, but do NOT bring your dirty laundry and shake out the bullshit on LJ or any other public blog. That is treasonous behaviour and you should be punished as the traitor you are by your partner. This goes for IRL outside recruitment of allies as well. Any time you take an internal argument or issue and go outside the partnership to recruit allies to justify yourself, you are being traitorous, underhanded and ultimately immature. You just don’t do that shit in a mature relationship. It’s high school. It’s the ultimate disrespect and dissing of your partnership. You deserve any and all punishment that comes your way for being a traitor. DON’T DO IT. And suck it up if you do. (This is generally a chick issue, but I suppose a guy might do it.)

For all my calling out of various people on here, you’ll notice a lack of partnership problem posts. That is because I don’t need a Greek chorus to justify me and I will NOT commit treason to my relationship. I respect Nick more than that. We have our issues like everyone else, but you can BET that we know how to communicate, we respect each other and we do NOT commit treason against each other. It makes us sad when we see other partnerships violate these simple rules because we know they will not last unless things change radically. You do not have a healthy relationship if you don’t have these three basics down cold. Nobody’s perfect, no relationship is perfect, but it will at least have a good foundation if you follow the basics. Love is great, but when it comes to long term partnerships, sometimes love just ain’t enough. It’s WORK, dudes, lots of work – but if you’re lucky, it’s work that you get up every day looking forward to doing.

Ok, I think that’s all of Nick and Angela’s Things We Know sessions for now. When we talk, sometimes it’s so good, I’ve just GOT to write it down! We’re not perfect, but we try awfully hard to give everything we’ve got to our relationship. And I think it’s worked out pretty well so far. :-)