Today is one of those days that tries my patience. I woke up feeling groggy and vaguely stressed out. The stress progressed until I was truly feeling stressed and tired by 11am. I cut out of work early (12:45p) because it appeared that the lunch rush was over, but as I waited for my tofu and veggies another rush came and I just HAD to get out of there! I grabbed my food, tossed some cash on the bar and literally scampered to my car! What the hell is wrong with me?
I had a Chakra Healing session yesterday with Rebecca and I think that has upset the proverbial apple cart. Now, before you go and accuse me of being all nutty-granola, let me explain that I often try out (for free) new kinds of energy healing just to see what will happen. The last one, Divine Light, was a big zero, but this one was really REAL. I truly felt stuff come up and I felt the energy bouncing around as Rebecca worked! I felt somewhat tired and disoriented when we were done, but today just sucks. I feel like I’ve slipped back into neurosis!
Anyway, I know what is going on. It’s my old friend fear. Yep, whenever things start to go well for me, I get all freaked out and spastic. I’m waiting on a BIG contract gig to get signed and delivered and it’s making me insane. Why do I have to constantly put myself through this hell of self doubt? Why? Am I not beyond that by now? Apparently not.
So, in this state of flux, I feel the need to write. Quite a few things have been on my mind lately. I think I’ll start with a subject that is near and dear to my heart: sex. It’s always a shock to me to realize that 95%+ of people in the world spend their whole lives without any decent sex. I’m even shocked when some bible thumpers get their knickers in a twist over a little nudity in a play at Kennesaw State College. My GAWD, this is a college fer chrissakes (a shitty one, but still)! Adults go to school there! What the fuck? Granted I am in Georgia, the buckle on the Bible Belt, but DAMN. I just don’t get it. I think people are very immature and silly about sex and nudity. Grow the fuck up. Geez.
Politics always get me ranty, but I’ll point out just one politician that makes me absolutely postal: Cynthia McKinney (D 4th GA), imbecile and loudmouth. Her latest idiotic claim that GeeDubya knew about the 9.11 attacks is just one more in a long list of stupid, irrational things that she has said. There is another black woman (Denise Majette) gunning for the 4th district and I hope she gets it. [She did, thankfully. – A] But, I suppose the darling of the ACLU, McKinney, will get elected again by the same morons who’ve kept her in office for FIVE fucking terms. I can tell you fer sure, it ain’t white people. This district is mostly black and for some inexplicable reason, McKinney is adored by the black community here. I just can’t figure out why, exactly. I am praying for an upset at the next election.
I’m reading the latest collection of short stories by Stephen King: Everything’s Eventual. It’s really a great collection. I have always loved short stories and I think King is the modern master of the genre. In his prologue, he mentions that short stories will probably be a lost genre soon, since the publishers are not interested in them. WHY, I can’t understand! I would think that a short story would be perfect for the minuscule attention spans of people today. But, anyway, he recommends a couple of other collections: Sam the Cat by Matthew Klam and The Hotel Eden by Ron Carlson. I intend to buy them and you should, too, if you like the short story format. There is a rather long story in this collection which is an offshoot of the Dark Tower – complete with Roland as the main character. Yum! Now I must go back and reread the Dark Tower books to prepare for the release of the 5th installment this year! It’s called Wolves of the Calla and I’m drooling for it! I’m such a King junkie, it’s really disturbing. He is now saying that the DT series will be seven books, but I’m hoping for more.
I really love ICQ. It’s a nice little client that rarely causes trouble with any other software and it’s cool to be able to harass Nick at work! [We’ve moved on to iChat & Adium – A] I have to say the same for StripCam, the software that takes snapshots with my crappy webcam and uploads them. [I’ve moved to EvoCam now, and it’s much better. -> Now I use Photo Booth! -A 2015] Rarely an issue. Now, I cannot say the same for Palm, Inc. I am really pissed at them! Their support sucks big hairy donkey balls. My little m100 began to have the well-documented digitizer-drift problem (that is denied by Palm), which is supposed to be fixable by a simple calibration, but it just didn’t happen for my Palm. When I’d go into the calibration application, it would go into a loop and I’d have to reset to get out. This occurred after many hard resets, new system installs, upgrades and even a third party calibration program was installed. I’m so bummed. :-( Now I have to strip it down and send it back for an exchange. Wah. Six months this one has lasted, when the Palm III I gave to Andy was several YEARS old and never had an issue other than an age-related short that made it turn off by itself. Not good, Palm. I knew I shoulda gotten a fucking Visor. The support is totally nonexistent and even the email I got from the CSR to confirm my exchange request was fucked up by the Palm email system. Gawd. [Palm is long gone now in 2015. -A]
I feel better now. Writing always calms my nerves. I wish I was a better writer and could produce more than stream-of-consciousness essays, but unfortunately my talent lies in instructional manuals, not prose. Ask me about Macs or herbs and I’ll write you a very detailed, complete and focused tome, but anything literary, well, NO. Ah, well, at least I know my strengths!
Here is a proverb from the Tao Te Ching for you to meditate upon until my next Rant:
I have three treasures which I guard and keep:
The first is compassion.
The second is economy.
The third is humility.
From compassion comes courage,
From economy comes the means to generosity,
And from humility comes responsible leadership.