This is the thought that goes through my head most days – especially lately. It’s the mantra of my self doubt and insecurity.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
Indeed. What am I doing?
Fuck if I know. I’m considering gastric bypass before I go another few years being fat as fuck. I’m starting worry about my longterm health. But having never had major surgery (or even minor), the thought of my entrails being cut apart and rearranged scares the living shit out of me. But so does having high blood pressure, joint pain and type 2 diabeetus. I worry about my fat. Being fat really does suck donkey dick. But how will I pay for this folly? Hmm?
Fuck if I know. I’m trying to round up a business plan and get an SBA loan to start up a pub. I must be crazy. What do I know about running a goddam pub? I know the books, but there’s a fuck ton more going on than the books. I’m currently so fat and in such bad shape, I seriously wonder if I can do the job. I guess that’s what managers are for, but still. $200k in debt is pretty fucking daunting. Am I out of my rabbitassed mind?
Fuck if I know. All my creative pursuits have gone by the wayside with my workload from the taqueria increasing and the constant nagging worry about that fucking pub. Mainly worry. I’m feeling like our whole future is on my shoulders and I just don’t know if I want that kind of responsibility. It’s crushing my every thought, really. Why do I let it make me crazy?
Fuck if I know. We also need to buy another house while Nick still has a job. THAT will be fun, fun, fun. NOT. Maybe we should just fucking rent? It’s generally more expensive to rent than to buy (once you have all the shit you need to run a house, which we do). But fuuuuck the fucking aggravation. Also, having to wait a set period of time is not sitting well with me, either. It just makes me more anxious and gives me more time to second guess myself.
I’m stressed out and not very happy right now. I am letting all this shit get to me.
What the hell am I doing?
Just a rambling, what’s on my mind kind of post. No real theme or anything.
DJ: Poor old thing. His face is a mess from runny eyes and his ulcerated nose. He’s skin and bones. He’s got some sort of urinary tract issue – probably bladder stones – that we’ll get looked at on Thursday. The good news is that taking him off of fluconazole has helped with his puking and he’s eating a LOT more now. Guess that crap really did cause stomach upset! He’s not gaining weight that I can see, but he is certainly eating more. He won’t eat cat food, tho, he eats a gruel that I make from ham baby food, chicken stock, supplements and a little cat food blended in. It looks gross, but he eats it, so that’s what he gets. He’s taken to asking for food several times a day and of course I give it to him. Mangia!
Missy: Miss Rottenness is doing well. She had abscessed anal glands a few weeks ago and had to have minor surgery. She came through it well and her little ass is getting furry once again. Who knew kitties had ass cheeks?? LOL SO CUTE. Her thyroid has stabilised w/ the meds and she’s doing very well. Bossy as ever.
We have been coming off of Celexa for a few days. We’d knocked it down to 5mg every other day, which is pretty much not enough to do anything other than keep us off kilter, so we stopped it on Saturday. For our efforts, we’ve both had insomnia since then: I had mine night before last and Nick had his last night. Nice. Fucking antidepressants are the most addictive crap ON THE PLANET. DON’T START THEM!! Getting off them is worse than what you started them for in the first fucking place. Damn. Hopefully some insomnia will be the worst of it. ::fingers crossed::
While we are in waiting mode as far as trying again for a new house, we are working on our business plan for the pub. We still have hardons for the old James Joyce building, but I’m also enquiring about some lease space around Avondale and Decatur. It’s hard to make a business plan with projections when you have nothing to base it on! I think I’ll work backwards from the expenses to see what we’ll need to make to break even, make a small profit and make a medium profit. I think that’s all I can do.
I’m fighting the feelings of OMG WHAT AM I DOING and being generally overwhelmed by all of this business plan stuff. I keep telling myself, “people do this EVERY DAY”, but I still feel quite inadequate. Rob is being awesome and helping me a lot, but it’s still pretty fucking terrifying. Bleh.
What I need is an investor to buy the James Joyce property and then lease it to me. That would solve a whole list of shit for me in one fell swoop. I’d not have to buy equipment. I’d have the perfect location. It’s just PERFECT and we are kinda stuck on it, to be truthful. So, if anyone reading this knows of a rich investor who’d like to buy a really great restaurant property, send them my way. This property can be had for a deal and it is guaranteed a winner. The reason it’s been vacant for 2+ years is that no one who is starting up a business can afford to buy a massive building w/ almost an acre of property for $500,000-$625000!! The property is worth easily over a million as it sits. Quite a bargain, if you ask me. I’d buy it in a heartbeat if I could. So, rich people PLEASE CONTACT ME!!
To keep my sanity in all this, I am going to work on some recipes rather than numbers today. I think having a menu sample attached to the business plan would be a good thing and it is something that I enjoy and find relaxing. Like cooking!
Eh, I guess that’s it for the State of the Weasels.
Yesterday we watched some financial revenge porn in the form of the movie Assault on Wall Street. It was FABULOUS. All the asshole brokers got what they deserved – and I don’t mean more money. Then we watched Office Space to round out our day of Fuck This Shit.
We did not get the house we coveted due to the second mortgage we’d taken out on this place to do repairs, etc. Yes, the small second was the issue, NOT the first $89k mortgage that is still outstanding and that has NOT been reaffirmed by us. Right, so we can have a technically discharged first mortgage that was never foreclosed, no problem, but that small second? OH, WELL THEN.
Absolutely ridiculous. As IF we’d suddenly BEG Wells Fargo to give us BACK this fucked up underwater loan rather than WALK? HAHA! On top of that aggravation, the mortgage guy, Murray, is all about reminding us about how hard it is out there for a pimp of the mortgage industry and how the investors suffered. I held my tongue, but I’m telling you, it was hard not to tell him to fuck right on off. WHY anyone would feel the least bit bad about an industry that broke the United States’ economy, then took trillions MORE of our money and never lost a penny is beyond me. Actually, the banks and mortgage industries are just fine and dandy, thanks for asking. They have shown record profits since the bailouts (read: extortion money).
Speaking of the bailouts and what’s happened since, here’s some reading for you:
We’re almost break even on the bailout. Sept 2013
Are we ready for the next meltdown? Aug 2013
Why Fannie and Freddie remain a big threat. Aug 2013
Wall Street bonuses to top 2009. Aug 2013
I love how most people in the mortgage industry own at least one rental property. That goes for Realtors®, too. I also love how they can look you in the eye and with a straight face, tell you how hard it’s been for them. RIGHT.
Really, motherfuckers? I fail to see how buying up property for pennies on the dollar to rent back to the people who were fucked in the ass and tossed out on the street by bad and/or underwater loans is “hard”. ??
It is my assertion that the main goal of the mortgage industry is to reduce Americans to being serfs. It is practically impossible to get a loan now (despite all the Obama bullshit about “Making Homes Affordable”) and if you manage it, you’ll be saddled with a $200/mo fee (called “insurance” by FHA) for the life of the loan. That comes to $72,000 of additional fees that go straight to the FHA coffers. And yes, you’ll have an FHA loan unless you have pristine credit and 20% to put down. Oh, but, the mortgage people will remind you that you can write off that $200/mo on your taxes. Yah, that really helps with your monthly budget. Asswipes.
When real estate crashed, the rich white people and corporations moved in to buy up every available foreclosure as “investment property”. What that means is that most of the good deals that might have been had by normal people (aka serfs) were snapped up and turned into rental property. This reduced inventory of homes and made it harder to find a home for sale. Now, add that to the near impossibility of getting a home loan in the first place and you a society of serfs. People who own very little and pay rent to our rich overlords.
What the mortgage industry and its rich white owners aimed to do is push America back to the early 1900s, when the rich were rich and the rest of us were serfs who paid them rent. They were successful in that aim. Home ownership is at an all time low. The economy is stagnant and not looking very promising. There is little job creation.
Fortune: What happens if nothing changes at Fannie and Freddie?
“Without the discipline of a private market, we are in danger of creating another speculative housing bubble, which would again result in massive losses and economic hardship when it bursts.” – Hank Paulson, Fortune magazine, Aug 28, 2013. [linked above]
The 1% have won, my friends. Most Americans have been beaten back to early 20th century standards and no one is doing a thing about it. Rich white men and large corporations have seized the biggest indicator of individual wealth: real estate. Owning a home is the epitome of the American Dream. Thanks to these rich people, who continually get richer, the rest of us are little more than indentured servants. Serfs.
It’s infuriating and demeaning to be reduced to a society with little personal wealth for 99% of its citizens. It’s sickening to see the 1% cheerfully declare the rest of us its serfs. It’s in the background of every pompous, rich landlord’s assurances that it’s OK to rent, listen for it: “You WILL BE Serfs! And you will like it!” “Oligobble our balls!” Which is also pertinent to the Comcast takeover of Time Warner this week. OLIGOBBLE. You’ll take what we give you.
We are bitter and resentful of the way we were treated by these rich fucks in the mortgage industry. We are sick to death of hearing how hard it is for the poor beleaguered banks, investors and corporations.
If you, too, need some revenge porn to lessen your bitterness and resentment, DO rent Assault on Wall Street. It is the story of desperation that SO MANY Americans deal with (it hits on healthcare, housing and investing), but the hero gets to give it back to the fuckers that so deeply deserve it. It won’t change anything, but it’ll damn sure make you feel a bit better.
Ok, back to your regularly scheduled serfdom.
So the mortgage loan is stalled once again. Apparently the bankruptcy is fine, it’s the second mortgage on this place (that was DISCHARGED) that is causing us to get kicked out again. We’ll know tomorrow or Tuesday one way or the other. If it falls through, then we will be renting for the foreseeable future. And we are fucking FINE with that. The mortgage industry is still just as ridiculous as ever – if not worse – than it was before the crash. Now they can refuse you for any reason in the name of “safe loans”. They can all fuck off and die. I’ve got several rentals lined up just in case.
The stress is pretty bad, but the resentment is worse. We are so bitter and resentful of the whole banking industry right now. And they wonder why we don’t keep all our money in the system? HA!! If this falls through, I may never buy again, just like everyone else. I’ll just rent from all the rich white folks who have benefited from this whole real estate fiasco. Fine. The rich white folks can HAVE IT. I’m SO put out. It’ll be nice to call someone ELSE to fix broken shit anyway. What the fuck ever. Renting is a futile use of money, but the system it set up to push more people to it. Thus enriching the already rich bastards that own 150 rentals. Fuck it and fuck them. Ugh.
We’ll continue to plan for our future, regardless if the “system” helps us or not. We’ve done everything by ourselves for this long, why change now? We’ve go NO backup. Nick’s parents are dead, mine wouldn’t piss on me if I was on fire. We don’t have any rich friends, nothing. If we’re going to attempt our dream, then it’s up to us and NO ONE will get in the way of that. We don’t fit the system and the system doesn’t fit us, that’s clear.
That’s where we are: stressed out, resentful and making alternative plans. ::maniacal laugh! maniacal laugh!::
When the snow was predicted, I, like everyone else, pretty much said, “yah, whatever!” and went my merry way. Well, we all know how that turned out. Nick was very fortunate to be a) on this side [East] of the city and b) get through in the nick of time. It only took him 1.5 hours to get home. We had friends who slept in their cars and didn’t get home until Wed afternoon. It was shocking and makes me want to up our game when it comes to prepping for weather, war, zombies or whatnot. You can be sure my canning and preserving will be trebled once we get a new place and I’ve got storage.
I also do not agree with blaming the various governments for the disaster. The weather reports were NOT agreeing on what was going to happen. I saw “light dusting of snow” until around NOON. SO I find it hard to criticise the bureaucrats for what happened. Atlanta has FOUR salt trucks, people! And two of them ran into each other while trying to leave the lot. And even if they had gotten to the main roads, gridlock happened in about an HOUR. DOT couldn’t have salted in any case. Gridlock is because of sprawl. It’s too late to do anything about that. This is the best article I’ve read about the whole incident over at Politico, by Rebecca Burns.
DJ update: he seems to be faring well without the fluconazole. His bloody vomit has ceased and he’s eating a bit better. I’ll take that as a WIN. He’s still old and frail, but he’s eating.
Nick changed out the plugs/wires in the new Ranger and had to have the pros do the last two due to their location. The mechanics gave it a once over and found that the tensioner/pulley assembly is loose. So we’ve got that repair to look forward to. ::sigh:: It’s still better than a payment.
Still house hunting, but it looks like Carthage Rd in Tucker is The One. Tons of space, priced right and not in the ghetto. I’d love to be ITP and nearer to Avondale Estates, but dammit, I’m sick of the ghetto and I will NOT live in Scottdale or Clarkston. NO WAY. 30033, 30345 and 30084 are our targets and so far 30084 (Tucker) is the only one yielding any decent, spacious houses. We saw a piece of SHIT in 30033 that was proudly asking $195k; it was tiny, unrenovated and needed at least $15k of work. BUT they will probably get that price because it’s next to a nice school on Medlock. 30033 has “Next to Decatur” syndrome and therefore most properties are overpriced. Same for 30345 (LaVista Rd/Oak Grove area w/ Lakeside HS). There is a REALLY nice house in 30084, but it’s WAY out off of Pleasantdale Road and just too damn far. Shame, tho, it’s fully renovated and priced at $169k. WAH.
My freebie Apple monitor died this morning. It had the death blinks (power light blinks in codes; this one was “backlight dying”) for as long as I’ve had it and finally died. I’m using the wee little 15″ Dell monitor off the server today. It’s so cute! Rocking like it’s 1995! My dock icons are so teeny that I can’t read the badges! LOL This has also prompted me to clean up my gazillion folders laying around on my desktop. That shit is out of control, yo.
I guess that’s it for the State of the Weasels right now. I’ll keep you updated about the move as info becomes available. :)