Small update 12/4: This person had another blowout with some other friends and pissed them off, too, so I really do not think this has anything to do with me. They are obviously going through something. Whatever it is, I hope they get back on track.
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The end of the year is always a challenge with the holidays and spending and all that crap. But I did not have end a long term relationship on my Bingo Card.
As I said in my whiny post on Oct 30, I am tired this year and I doubt I’ll do many social events:
I am typically maudlin this time of year, but this year is really bad. I doubt I will do much socializing. Don’t be offended if I pass on invites and/or don’t offer them.
Apparently this friend did not see that post (or did not care) and a dust up occurred when I told them that I was not doing a big Thanksgiving this year and only having two dudes (who have no local family) over. Cooking for four is the same as cooking for two, but I assume they think it should be THEY rather than the guys and they’re incensed that I’d not want to cook for six. If I cook for six, I may as well do eight, since I have to double the recipes. Slippery slope. I DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT MUCH PREP, COOKING OR SPENDING THIS YEAR. This is about me, not anyone else.
They say that I “made plans” with them in early October. I most certainly did not make plans – trust me, when it comes to cooking, I know exactly what I’m doing and when. This has nothing to do with them at all, really. Yet here we are.
Then when I said that they were getting VERY upset over ONE event, they lost their shit. They accused me of cutting them out of plans and then proceeded to bully and gaslight me in an attempt to get their way. Very bratty. (I have the whole convo saved; RECEIPTS) They even went so far as to say that Thanksgiving is not about food, it’s about hanging out. UM, SINCE WHEN? Apparently they think I’d be cool making popcorn and toast like Snoopy? That is not how I roll and I find it offensive that they’d even say something like that. I can see why they might think that, since every occasion is a party and not about food for them. Then they said ‘merry christmas and happy new year, too!’ (paraphrased) Ok, so now in their mind I’ve cut them out of everything forever and even amen? I did no such thing! This is 100% in their head. Yet here we are.
I think the real reason this blow up occurred was that we’ve been having Sunday Canasta for a while and they’ve been mad that we won’t invite them. THERE IS A REASON: we actually play cards. Canasta is not a simple game and we don’t feel that they’d have the concentration to play. It is not a party occasion, we might have a beer and perhaps some food, but WE PLAY CARDS. We don’t even really chat that much! I think they have the idea that it’s a big party every week – it is not.
I am not happy about losing an old friend, but it is not my decision and I can’t control what other people think. They think that my not wanting to do a big Thanksgiving thing is all about them and there’s nothing I can do about that. I took them off my FB for my sanity. They can read this or not. They can contact me or not. I am open to fix things, but damage has certainly been done.
But I have done nothing wrong and I will not apologize for not being obligated to cook for them on demand. For me, it is about the food and always will be.
I like to party as much as anyone, but DUDE, I am old and tired. And frankly, I’d rather spend time playing cards or having small dinner parties with people who actually do care about the food and want to enjoy it, than staying up all night partying. Parties are great, but there are more things in life than that.
All I can do is move on. So, this is me, moving on. Sigh. Comments turned off, there really is nothing to discuss. :(