I just watched part of a movie that was on HBO when I turned on the TV for the exercise DVD. It triggered a strong reaction in me that was unexpected.

The movie was about, well, it doesn’t matter what the movie was about, what matters is that it brought up my feelings about humans being so smart and so stupid at the same time. Why are we so hard headed and selfish? Why can’t we just be honest with each other, work things out and move on? Why is it so hard to say what’s in our hearts?

Lots of reasons I guess. For me, I’m always saying things the wrong way or not saying all of what I’m thinking which leads to the wrong conclusions by others. Yes, I’m opinionated, but I do have a lot of feelings that I don’t talk about as well – feelings that would explain my outbursts and soften them, but I just don’t bother to fill in the blanks. I suppose I expect others to ASK if there is something they need clarified.

Right now, I feel sad about some people I know. I’m sad that they are upset, I’m sad that they are so stuck, I’m sad that I cannot in any way help. All I do is make it worse. I have certain feelings about events that have happened and I’d love to write a long letter to explain everything in detail, but it wouldn’t help. The letter would be construed as an attempt to twist things to my will or it would be taken as yet another act of war (a war that doesn’t exist to me at all).

I’d love to spill my heart and say every last thing on my mind, but it wouldn’t work. It wouldn’t represent anything at all to them. They wouldn’t even understand that it IS coming from my heart and it is important to me. All of this is important to me.

The thing is, I love my life. I’m happy, really happy. Nick and I have carved out our little niche in the world and we have a wonderful circle of friends that we enjoy and life is good. Now, why would I want to compromise that?

I don’t. I don’t want to compromise. Not any more. I don’t feel bad that we’re doing well. I don’t feel bad that we have a security system and we like to garden. I don’t feel bad that I dislike certain people – I have damn good reasons. I don’t feel bad that I rant and rave. I don’t feel bad that we’ve moved beyond where we were 2 years ago.

I am content to carry on with our life as it is. I don’t need to bring more people onboard – our group is great. I made an OFFER to share our general good fortune and good will. Apparently that offer has been rebuffed, and that’s totally cool.

I just think that some discussion should ensue, that’s all. This not talking thing really sucks ass. But I’m not going to write that letter or make that phone call. I’m not going to push anything. I’d rather walk away than cause more strife and drama. Anything I say ends up being a tempest in a teacup.

So, this is me, walking away. You know how to find me if talking is desired.

Literally!

Our neighbors are having a huge birthday party for her sister and they have some great tunes blasting in the back yard! Heh heh! Rick James just stared up with Super Freak and they are all singing!! LOL

How fun! Damn, I hate trying to be good and not drink, etc etc. We were invited to the party, but I’m not in the mood to get cleaned up and go over.

We went to Value Village today and cleaned up! I got 3 pairs of great shoes, some clothes, a new throw for the bed and some other stuff. I just love a bargain!! That place has a shit ton of window treatments so I’ll have to head back over there when I get ready to change out the bedroom again.

Heh, now it’s Give It To Me Baby! LOL I love that song!! I have no idea who sings it, but I know we used to sing it in high school, so it has to be a late 70s song. I loves me some good funk!

Hmmm, maybe we should go say hello… :-)

Well, we’ve managed to drag our fat asses out of bed every day this week to do our half hour workout. It’s not much, but honestly, it’s all we can handle at this point. We do 15 minutes of treadmill and 15 minutes of core training with the ball.

It ain’t Oprah’s workout, but it’ll do for slugs such as us! I hope to work up to the Boot Camp workout in time. Really, the big thing we don’t have is a treadmill you can run on. Ours is a manual treadmill for walking. It’s even difficult to do a light jog on it because it’s short and non powered, which makes it very awkward to do anything that has a long stride.

The no alcohol and no carb thing has been going very well. We still have toast in the morning, but otherwise it’s all low carb, low fat. It’s amazing the volume of veggies you can eat when there are no carbs in your diet! Oprah’s afternoon snack of an apple with hard cheese and some almonds is amazing. It works so well that I wasn’t starved at dinner time yesterday!

We even saw Star Wars Ep 3 Revenge of the Sith with NO popcorn yesterday afternoon and it was ok! W00t! The movie was excellent, by the way. It definitely makes up for the botched Eps 1 & 2.

All in all, it’s been a busy week here at Casa Mizgala. We look forward to a quiet weekend of gardening and perhaps firing up the grill.

I found the comment that apparently got some people up in arms. It was in the entry about our wedding.

I edited out the surname that caused all the ruckus just now. But I do NOT retract one iota of the anger that I have towards that person. He behaved badly and he is totally responsible for his actions at our wedding – whether he THINKS he is responsible or not. He fucked up royally.

Yes, I see how my observations about that person could be irritating, but on the other hand, is it really that big of a deal? Is it worth all the drama and teeth gnashing? Not from my point of view. What happened is FACT. It’s documented and I don’t give a shit how much that person denies it. I have about 20 witnesses to back me up.

I think this whole tempest in a teacup is just an excuse for these people to spew bile and bitterness. Nevermind that this person has called me and Nick everything but serial killers. We’re currently labeled as “sacks of shit”, I believe. Nice. Shows the intellectual level we’re dealing with here.

In any case, I found the offensive remark [that’s over a fucking year old for chrissakes], so at least now I know what all the drama is about. Now I can focus on ignoring it and trying to salvage a friendship that I’d like to have back. [NO, that does NOT include the person mentioned in the other entry. That person is definitely persona non grata.]

Hopefully the involved parties will feel the same. [OR NOT. Whatever.]