Adulting Is Hard

Sometimes I just don’t know how to process things. Being deeply insulted by a friend is hard. (“I can’t think of anyone less hospitable than you!” in reference to my being in the hospitality industry.) Trying to not let it get to me is harder. Some people *think* they know me, but really do not. And as much as I try to show them my true self, they reject it and hold onto what they think my true self is.

I still like the person that hurt me, but I dunno. It’s like we never get past a certain level. I’d like to move past this, but I just don’t know how to drag them past their own blocks. And this person is very deeply invested in proving that I’m wrong and the way I do pretty much everything in my life is wrong.

So, I just don’t say anything about how I feel, and I know that every single interaction will be contentious. And I’ll end up with hurt feelings. Every time.

And somehow I always end up with the notion that it’s my fault. I know intellectually it’s not, but others tell me it’s my fault because I won’t capitulate and be run over by this person. If I thought I was being treated fairly, I might be more compliant, but I do not think I’m being treated fairly. Not at all. Not being allowed to speak and being lectured at is not fair, IMO. It’s not a discussion if no discussion is allowed.

Ugh.

Perhaps I should just walk away rather than deal with this? I have these thoughts after every single interaction with this person. EVERY TIME. Why do I do this to myself? (Because Nick values this person’s opinion – and he thinks it’s good for me to be wrangled every now and then, that’s why. I should not comply. But I do, to keep the peace. Again: WHY?)

Adulting is hard. So is blogging about being hurt rather than screaming at the top of my lungs that I AM TIRED OF BEING TREATED AS IF I AM TOO DUMB TO DO WHAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR ME. I may have a big mouth and be opinionated AF, but I still have feelings. Despite the press otherwise. I wish that people I’ve known for a long time would at least TRY to see that I have changed and I’m not the same person I was 15 years ago. Hell, I’m not the same person I was ONE year ago. I don’t need to be steamrolled, I need SUPPORT. NOT the same thing.

I think this is karma beating the shit out of me, honestly. I am paying for doing this to others. I recognise this, which is why I am trying to walk away when I get the urge to lecture. This year has been about learning how to ask for help and learning when to STFU and not talk back. I’m trying to learn, but dammit, I simply WILL NOT allow men to condescend and lecture me just because they assume they know more. Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t. But by the gods, if you start lecturing me and I correct you when you say that I don’t know something when I CLEARLY DO, I am going to talk back. I DGAF how much karma I’m reaping, I am DONE with being lectured and beaten into agreeing with the notion that I do not know what is best for myself or my business.

I’ve put YEARS of my life into educating myself about the restaurant biz. I’ve got 18 years of handling the business of restaurants. I have a clue. I’m SICK OF SAYING THIS TO MEN. I am also smart enough to know that there is PLENTY I don’t know, but I’m smart and I’ll learn. Dumb people open businesses every day and succeed. I think I have a better than average shot.

If you don’t agree, then fuck off. I’m tired of defending my LIFE. If you think I’m an idiot, then great, think that. But spare me the lectures and condescension.

Please.

I’ve got enough on my plate as it is. Either be on the team or not. Beating me down is not really helping anything.

Oh, Grow UP!

This is spurred by Facebook, of course. The land of things that irritate me. Sigh. It’s not directed at any one person, just the overall bible thumping that is STILL in my goddam feed, despite my best efforts to eradicate it. Ugh. This will irritate some of you. Sorrynotsorry.

I really hate it when I see friends fall into the Bible thumper trap. “It’s all God’s plan” or “It’s His will” makes me want to vomit. I know it’s judgy, but dammit, it’s the passivity of it all that chafes my ass. How about DOING something rather than preach about God’s will?

I find that people who preach about God and Jesus are the ones feeling generally victimized – hence wishing that some outside force will take care of them. While I can understand the urge for this, it doesn’t make it any more palatable for me. I also dislike the hypocrisy of people who suddenly find Jesus when something traumatic happens.

I’m an agnostic most days, atheist others, but on ALL days, it irritates me to hear people preach about God and Jesus. LOOK at this country and what that superstitious crap has gotten us. It’s the 21st fucking century. Can we PLEASE believe in science rather than folk tales? Can we PLEASE not refer to a book FULL of hypocrisy and bullshit as some sort of guide? Can we stop expecting help from a magic man in the sky?

If you want to be a Jesus freak and/or bible thumper, that’s fine, but just know that I will probably think less of you for it. I can’t help it. It just seems so childish to me. Look around and see the BULLSHIT that religion has brought us. Grow up and take charge of your life. There is no magic man in the sky. It’s just US, here on this rock, living out our 70-80 years. Do the best you can, do ALL that you can and LIVE! Stop wishing for a man in the sky to rescue you. ARGH.

Again, not directed towards any one person. Just my observations. Complaint form to the right –>.

International Women’s Day


In honour of this auspicious day, I offer you a judgmental rant. I am not sorry. Several things have set me off, so let’s start with the IWD stuff and then move to other issues that piss me off.

For this IWD, the Day Without a Woman movement is taking place. The idea is that women take the day off, don’t work, don’t buy anything, don’t cook, etc., and we all wear red. Now, while I agree that this is a lovely idea and I support it, I will still do the shit I need to do today. I’ve got obligations. I’ve got chores. And they will get done because I feel good today for the first time in a week, so I’ve got to carpe diem, yanno?

I’ve seen several women on FB (not MY friends, but comments on others’ posts) apologizing for not being able to take the day off, not shop, whatever. It is annoying that women feel obligated to APOLOGIZE for getting shit done just because it’s a “cause” day that asks you to not do anything. It’s just an idea! If you got shit to do, DO IT and stop apologizing. I think that the whole idea is to do what you can for the cause, but do NOT apologize for doing or NOT doing any damn thing on any damn day. RIGHT? ARGH.

Next, I’d like to slap the clueless bitches all over FB who are asking “What is all this wearing red about?”. Really? REALLY? You’re on FB every damn day and you’ve managed to miss International Women’s Day and the associated movement? You are an idiot and you need to have your woman card revoked. PAY ATTENTION for chrissakes!!

And finally, I’d like to air my feelings on women (partners of any gender) who fail at homemaking. You know the ones. The ones who “stay home with the children”, but do absolutely nothing. They claim to be busy with the children, but in reality, they sit on their asses all day playing games or riding around doing Ingress/Pokemon. They don’t clean the house, they don’t do laundry, they don’t cook, they literally do nothing. This makes me RAGEY. And YES, by the gods, I JUDGE THEM.

When I see a man complaining about all the stuff he has to do such as laundry, dry cleaning, getting shoes repaired, etc. and he’s got a woman at home, this makes me apoplectic with rage (you can change the gender on that to any configuration). WTF is wrong with someone who stays home every day and offers ZERO support for their spouse who works full time? How can you do that? How can you sit around in your own filth with laundry literally in mountains all over your house and do nothing? HOW?? It is the most selfish, mean, trifling bullshit I’ve ever heard.

I don’t care if you have 6 kids or NONE, if you are at home or work less than your partner, get OFF your lazy ass and KEEP HOUSE. My house ain’t spotless by any means, but by gods you don’t have to worry about ptomaine from my kitchen or be afraid to use the bathroom or see mountains of laundry coming out of the laundry room!! There is absolutely ZERO excuse for this! ZERO. Just because you’ve reproduced does not mean that you are no longer responsible for keeping your shit clean and straight. It’s a responsibility issue, not a time management issue.

I totally understand that some people are raised in filth and they honestly do NOT see it. Which is why it’s even sadder when they have kids, because they are raising another generation of filthy people. My grandmother and mother kept clean houses. I am naturally a clean person who likes ORDER and so does Nick. Keeping house for us is just a normal daily routine. ANYONE CAN LEARN TO DO THIS. Nick wasn’t raised in a neat clean house, but his sister in law (with whom he lived for a while) taught him to keep house. (Thanks Melinda!!) You can choose to be an adult. Try it, you might actually like it.

My brother, raised by the same clean mother that I was raised by, is a total PIG. He lives in filth with paths around all the shit in the floor. I don’t understand why it takes in some people but not in others, but I do think there is some choice involved. My brother chooses to live like a pig and takes zero responsibility for it. Part of this due to my father, who was raised in filth and does not believe in doing housework of any sort because that is the woman’s job – HELLO, 19fucking50 called and they want their bullshit back. My father never cleaned a dish, cooked a meal, washed a shirt, took out the trash or mowed the lawn. He is also a home builder and he never repaired SHIT around the house. He did absolutely nothing to keep the household running other than making money. Gee, I wonder why my mother burned out and finally said “FUCK IT!”? I saw this shit go down and I decided then that I’d NEVER put up with that kind of bullshit. You live here, you’ll do some chores, that’s IT. Same for brats: they should do household chores as soon as they are able. Teach them to clean up after themselves and it will be a lifetime habit. My mother did not do this because she has control issues. That likely contributes to my brother’s inability to adult.

A partnership is a partnership, be it marriage or whatever. This goes for all couples, no matter the gender. If you live with someone, you are obligated to help keep the place livable. YES working full time should mean that you have a far shorter list of things to do around the house, but it shouldn’t mean you do nothing. And vice versa, if you are the one staying home, then your list of household chores will be MUCH longer than the person working full time. Why is this so hard to understand? This is equitable. You don’t like it? Get a job and/or get a maid. Easy.

I absolutely do NOT take issue with doing most of the housework. I’m home, I should do it. And Nick has no issue if I ask him to clean the gnarly shower sometimes. Hell, he cleans it better than I do!! He also has no qualms about his short list of chores. It’s equitable.

So this is my Women’s Day rant. If your house is a filthy pigsty with laundry mountains, then how about you GROW A VAG and clean that shit UP? Woman up for chrissakes! This goes for DUDES who are stay at home, too. Do your part! It’s the nicest thing you can do for your partner. I know Nick appreciates the things I do. He tells me so. And don’t forget that, too: tell your partner how much you appreciate what they do. It matters.

Oh and Happy International Women’s Day. :P

Obamacare Penalty

This was a comment I posted to one of the Obamacare sites. Fuck Obamacare.

So we got a penalty this year. Although by all calculations we fell below the % formula. Even our CPA didn’t understand why we were penalized when the AGI x 8.05% income number was below the cost of a crappy Bronze plan. ?? A Bronze plan that costs $521/mo (supposedly after a subsidy? Maybe? Who knows? We never could determine how to figure or get a subsidy.) with $8k deductible! LOL On which planet is this a good plan?

Nick’s job is ENDING this year and we are putting every available penny into savings. We canNOT afford $521 for nothing. And it is for nothing. Our total medical expense last year (including dentist, eyes, etc.) was $1700. So we are supposed to pay out $6252 for useless insurance that covers NOTHING until we spend $8000 on top of that? Uh, NOPE.

I just did the subsidy calculator. No idea whether we could get one or not – it doesn’t really tell you one way or the other. I did the penalty calculator. It said our penalty was $1500… The actual penalty was $563, done by the CPA’s software, which was withheld from our tax return.  Seems to me that NO ONE really knows what the fuck is going on. Our CPA said he had no idea what was going on, but the software said we had to pay the penalty. So we did. NO IDEA if we had to or not. That is beyond fucked up. On top of this drama? Our tax returns this year are almost exactly what they were last year. ?? Did we actually pay a penalty last year and the CPA didn’t know? Were we to get a bigger refund this year? Who the fuck knows? 

I’m so upset that we were penalized and I can’t figure out why.

HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE TO ANYONE? IT IS RIDICULOUS TO BE TAXED AND NOT BE ABLE TO DISCERN HOW THAT TAX WAS FIGURED. IT IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

WHEN WILL AMERICANS REALISE THAT INSURANCE IS THE PROBLEM NOT THE CURE?

No civilised country in the world is held hostage by insurance companies. NONE. Just the US. Abolish insurance and pay Drs, hospitals and all other health care workers DIRECTLY for their work. It’s that simple. Before insurance became our Lords and Masters, people would go to the Dr, pay for the visit, then go to the pharmacy and get their meds. Simple. Why is it heresy to want that back?

We are looking into leaving this country. We are nearing retirement and we don’t want to end up destitute like many have in our families. Going bankrupt to receive medical care is wrong. And even the care you get here sucks compared to other countries. Hell, CUBA has better care than we do. That is pathetic. Add to that the possibility of that horrible Trump being elected and it’s on the table that we will become EU citizens. This country has become an untenable MESS.

You Will Be Serfs! UPDATED!

This was written right before we walked away from Maplehurst and got this beautiful house in Tucker in June 2014. We are happy as clams and have not one single regret about deciding to rent. And we will NEVER buy again. FUCK THAT. Thanks to not buying, we now have investments, a fat savings account and NO DEBT. Buying a house will make you house poor. It’s totally not worth it to me. I’m always amazed when I STILL hear that old saw “renting is throwing away your money.” Really? Well, since we bailed on a $75k underwater house that would NEVER be worth what we paid, we are in the best financial shape of our lives! Seems to me that renting has SAVED us money, not “thrown it away.” But whatever, you suckers want to be indentured to the banks, y’all go right ahead and buy. Ain’t my circus.  – Angela April 2 2016. 

Yesterday we watched some financial revenge porn in the form of the movie Assault on Wall Street. It was FABULOUS. All the asshole brokers got what they deserved – and I don’t mean more money. Then we watched Office Space to round out our day of Fuck This Shit.

We did not get the house we coveted (THANK THE GODS!!) due to various mortgage lender jackassery.

On top of that aggravation, the mortgage guy, Murray, is all about reminding us about how hard it is out there for a pimp of the mortgage industry and how the investors suffered. I held my tongue, but I’m telling you, it was hard not to tell him to fuck right on off. WHY anyone would feel the least bit bad about an industry that broke the United States’ economy, then took trillions MORE of our money and never lost a penny is beyond me. Actually, the banks and mortgage industries are just fine and dandy, thanks for asking. They have shown record profits since the bailouts (read: extortion money).

Speaking of the bailouts and what’s happened since, here’s some reading for you:
We’re almost break even on the bailout. Sept 2013
Why Fannie and Freddie remain a big threat. Aug 2013
Wall Street bonuses to top 2009. Aug 2013

I love how most people in the mortgage industry own at least one rental property. That goes for Realtors®, too. I also love how they can look you in the eye and with a straight face, tell you how hard it’s been for them. RIGHT.

Really, motherfuckers? I fail to see how buying up property for pennies on the dollar to rent back to the people who were fucked in the ass and tossed out on the street by bad and/or underwater loans is “hard”. ??

It is my assertion that the main goal of the mortgage industry is to reduce Americans to being serfs. It is practically impossible to get a loan now (despite all the Obama bullshit about “Making Homes Affordable” with HARP*) and if you manage it, you’ll be saddled with a $200/mo fee (called “insurance” by FHA) for the life of the 30 year loan. That comes to $72,000 of additional fees that go straight to the FHA coffers. In the past, PMI (private mortgage insurance) was only until you gained some equity or refinanced – NO MORE. Now it’s forever on FHA loans. [*HARP is still going on. If you are stupid enough to TAKE an offer of extending your mortgage for another 10 years, you deserve what you get. That is TEN YEARS more interest and mortgage insurance that goes DIRECTLY to the banks and insurance companies. Anyone who takes a HARP refinance on an underwater home is a fucking moron. -A 2016]

And yes, you’ll have an FHA loan unless you have pristine credit and 20% to put down. And don’t think that your parents can help with that down payment. NOPE. You can’t use any gifts for down payments. If you do get a gift, then it must sit in the bank for six months and you have to get written proof of where that money came from. Cash is frowned upon in this brave new world. It is frightening the threats you’ll hear if you have cash. We know, we were threatened because we wanted to use our rainy day cash money for a down payment. You would’ve thought we asked if we could use dead babies.  INSANE.

When real estate crashed, the rich white people and corporations moved in to buy up every available foreclosure as “investment property”. What that means is that most of the good deals that might have been had by first time buyers were snapped up and turned into rental property. This reduced inventory of homes and made it harder to find a home for sale on the low end. It’s now mostly high end homes that a first time owner cannot afford. Now, add that to the near impossibility of getting a home loan in the first place and you are a society of serfs. People who own very little and pay rent to our rich overlords.

What the mortgage industry and its rich white owners aimed to do is push America back to the early 1900s, when the rich were rich and the rest of us were serfs who paid them rent. They were successful in that aim. Home ownership is at an all time low. The economy is stagnant and not looking very promising. There is little job creation.

Fortune: What happens if nothing changes at Fannie and Freddie?
“Without the discipline of a private market, we are in danger of creating another speculative housing bubble, which would again result in massive losses and economic hardship when it bursts.” – Hank Paulson, Fortune magazine, Aug 28, 2013. [linked above]

The 1% have won, my friends. Most Americans have been beaten back to early 20th century standards and no one is doing a thing about it. Rich white men and large corporations have seized the biggest indicator of individual wealth: real estate. Owning a home is the epitome of the American Dream. Thanks to these rich people, who continually get richer, the rest of us are little more than indentured servants. Serfs.

[Take a look at the building industry right now – especially here in Atlanta. All you see are apartments and McMansions being built. NOTHING in between. Moderate housing, like our neighborhood, is on the market for a couple of weeks and the seller gets what they ask. It is insane. There is little available for first time buyers. So people rent.  I don’t see why anyone would want to buy right now, the market for buying kinda sucks unless you have a fat down payment.  -A 2016]

It’s infuriating and demeaning to be reduced to a society with little personal wealth for 99% of its citizens. It’s sickening to see the 1% cheerfully declare the rest of us its serfs. It’s in the background of every pompous, rich landlord’s assurances that it’s OK to rent, listen for it: “You WILL BE Serfs! And you will like it!” “Oligobble our balls!” Which is also pertinent to the Comcast takeover of Time Warner this week. OLIGOBBLE. You’ll take what we give you.

We are bitter and resentful of the way we were treated by these rich fucks in the mortgage industry. We are sick to death of hearing how hard it is for the poor beleaguered banks, investors and corporations.

If you, too, need some revenge porn to lessen your bitterness and resentment, DO rent Assault on Wall Street. It is the story of desperation that SO MANY Americans deal with (it hits on healthcare, housing and investing), but the hero gets to give it back to the fuckers that so deeply deserve it. It won’t change anything, but it’ll damn sure make you feel a bit better.

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled serfdom.