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Ah, Gotta Love Trolls!

Alton Brown has a multitude of trolls following him – the asshole snarky types always do. So for all of you who are checking out my site because of the flap with AB, well, here ya go. Use the dropdown menu on the left to look at my recipes while you’re here. There are no pickling or canning recipes there, you’ll notice.

I said that you can put up tomatoes with a water bath. I did NOT say you MUST or everyone should. I said you CAN. And that statement is correct. Tomatoes are less acidic now than they used to be, but you can simply acidify them and use a water bath.

Here is the official guide to canning foods from the fucking National Center for Home Food Preservation! You’ll notice the instructions for tomatoes in a WATER BATH. It’s BETTER to use a pressure canner for them, but not impossible to use a water bath as long as the acidity is adjusted. So stop telling me about it, OK? Personally, I’d just not bother with tomatoes at all. I make jam and pickles. That’s it.

The trolls are working on two false assumptions:
1. Alton Brown is ALWAYS right ALL the time.
2. ALL tomatoes canned by water bath are full of botulism and will kill you.

BOTH of those statements are wrong. Flat out, 100% bullshit. AB is NOT the only voice of cooking. AB is not always right. Tomatoes are not inherently full of botulism you dolts. Botulism happens IF the tomatoes are not properly processed, the seal doesn’t set or they are not acidic enough. Acidity can be controlled by adding an acidifier such as lemon juice or ascorbic acid. Acidity will prevent botulism. As will a pressure canner. BOTH WILL WORK. To all the trolls who know absolutely nothing about canning, but felt the need to tell me how stupid I am: fuck off.

AB is a great chef. He’s an asshole on twitter – and probably in person as well, I’ll bet. As I said:

Alton Brown is to food what Scott Kurtz is to comics. Which is a snarky, mean spirited asshole to anyone who dares express a differing opinion.

Which is FINE! It’s their shtick! All I have to do is block them and the trolls and tra-la-la my mellow is again restored. :D

So, if you are here to check out my shit, go right ahead. Check out the awesome recipes while you’re here, too. But please don’t tweet me about this. I really don’t care what you think about the scrap with AB. The bottom line is that we are both right and the whole thing was nothing more than a troll’s delight. If you still feel the need to say something about your butthurt, please use the form in the right column. —>>>

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Another DO NOT BUY FROM: wegotbetterdeals.com

The latest in the litany of shitty online companies that I have had to deal with is wegotbetterdeals.com. Back in early January I bought a Hoover Floormate from them. Granted, I should’ve been more diligent in checking out an unknown web seller, but I was rabid to get my hands on a Floormate! Rabid, I say! When I saw their PayPal cart melt down with code errors, I was worried, but it was too late to undo the transaction. :/

The Floormate arrived in a busted box, with missing parts and the wrong brush assembly. No confirmation emails from WGBD, nothing. It just showed up, in pieces. I wrote them an email asking to return the item and get a refund.

They were rude and nasty from the get-go and the emails were NEVER signed. A sure sign of SKEEVY. Example:

So from your emails is this our fault or UPS’s fault? From what we can tell this looks to be UPS’s fault and a damage claim will have to be issued in order to have this item sent back.

They keep calling it “your claim” when it’s THEIR claim with UPS. SENDERS file damage claims, not receivers. They give an oh-so-generous 3 day claim window, so I was under pressure to get a response from them by their own rules! They got snippy about that, too:

For future reference for future orders please be patience with the seller as you have not been here. We are trying to work with you but you are not working with us.

Sounds like Engrish is their second language. Big surprise. And by “not working with them”, I assume that means that I’m demanding a response to get in by their three day window? Well, don’t have such a shitty service rule and I won’t be pressuring you, assholes.

Since they showed such shitty service skills, I thought it might behoove me to get the BBB Online and PayPal disputes going, since these people were obviously not interested in anything but taking my money. So I did. That really pissed them off! Here’s their response to the BBB complaint:

Yes you are right. 100,000 + positive feedback and approx 30 bad reviews. All from buyers like you. Please remember we have all of your emails with the lies and accusations. As stated in our last email. Once the item is received back and the serial #’s verified with the unit sent a refund will be issued.

Their response has been to not process the refund w/ PayPal. These people are rude, nasty and determined to get your money. They use the classic scam technique of being offended that you’d DARE accuse them of scamming and then NOT refunding you in the hopes that you’ll go away. CLASSIC.

The Floormate was returned to them and signed for by the asshole “TIM” who was the one bitching on the BBB site. I assume he is the head asshole. It was returned on 1/25/11. Hmm, and that’s been what? Two weeks? They have no intention of refunding me, they are going to let PayPal take the heat. Typical.

I will get the refund from PayPal, I’m sure, but take my advice and don’t bother with wegotbetterdeals.com. They may have “better deals” but good luck getting what you pay for. They SUCK.

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Chantal Cookware

UPDATE October 2012: And almost 2 years later, the Martha Stewart cast iron enameled dutch oven is still in perfect condition. You get what you pay for.

Man, just when you think you’ve had the worst customer service, along comes some jackwagon to remind you that, NO, it can ALWAYS be worse!

So, I bought a $60 6 qt enamel on cast iron dutch oven from Marshalls in December. It was from a company I’ve never heard of, Chantal, but I figured, it’s a pot! How hard can it be?

Apparently, VERY hard. After three uses, the enamel starts to pop off the inside of the pot. NOT good. So, I took a moment to look up the corporate site and send in an email advising them about the pot.

It all started off nicely enough, with the first email, unsigned (but from Bob Galvan’s email addy):

We apologize for the inconvenience and will be happy to replace the pot for you.
The 2 colors we have available are red and garden green.
Please forward your address for replacement.
Thank you.

But then, a couple of hours later, this email shows up (from our hero, Bob Galvan):

Hi Ms. Pratt!
We will be happy to replace your cast iron for you.
However I was just asked if you could return yours to Chantal. We need to show it to our representative when he arrives for a meeting on Wednesday morning so I will need it by Tuesday, January 11th.

What I need for you to do is take it to a UPS station to ship 2nday to Chantal, but has to be done today. You will need to use Chantal’s UPS account number authorized by Randy Tickle.

[edited: address, blah blah blah]

Thank you!
Bobby Galvan
Chantal Cookware Corp.

Continue reading “Chantal Cookware”

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PSA re: comments

In case you’ve forgotten, I do NOT publish comments from trolls. If you have something relevant to say, I’ll put up the comment even if I don’t know you. If not, you’ll get flamed by me via email and/or published for mockery.

If you leave an irrelevant comment like “you sound dumb” with nothing else to support this assertion (boogerpicker500, how appropriate!), then I’ll berate you via email and your brilliant comment will never see the light of day. If you have the brains to make a point, then it’ll be approved.

So, get creative and have something relevant to say or STFU.

Now, get off my BLOG!
//end PSA

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Open letter to the Chick

An old friend’s psycho wife has finally dropped all pretense of her fake like for me and written me a nasty little piss off email. Oooo, big surprise.

She wrote me an email a few weeks ago, begging to be friends and even after I told her flat out that I’m not a neuroses supporting kind of friend (more of a Dr Phil, read your beads kind), she still invited me to give her my input. So I did, knowing full well that she’d take every single word of it and turn it into me being “mean-spirited and unkind”.

Yah, yah, and I cause global warming, disease and pestilence, too. Or does Caroline have pestilence? Anyway, yah, I’m eeeeeevviiillll and horrible and you’re an innocent little princess. What a load of horseshit.

Just another in a loooong list of neurotic, insecure CHICKS that think they have hidden their disdain for me and I never saw it coming. Right. This ain’t my first rodeo, honey, I do have a clue.

Chick, do you really think that for one instant I thought you had any sort of vague like or respect for me? You are delusional. You have had nothing but hatred and jealousy of me since the instant we met [actually, WAY before that] and you’ve been waiting for the right time to lash out and show me just how immature and jealous you really are. Well, I got the message.

Now let me give you one:

Dear Chick:

You’re right, I do feel sorry for my friend having to put up with you. You are irrational, flakey, neurotic and insecure. I also know that he had to sneak to call me because I’m sure you’d pitch a fit if he did it in front of you. As a matter of fact, you admitted this in your email. And if you think that I had plans to be “friends” with you, you are sorely mistaken. I’m not that dumb, sweetheart. You are a chick and you are not worth the effort. Perhaps this is why you have no friends? [Per your email to me as well.] You whine and “commiserate” only in the academic sense, what you really want is sympathy and someone to tell you how great you are and how awful everyone else is. I told you very clearly that I am not that someone, yet you chose to invite me to comment. Your discomfort is not my problem. Grow the fuck up.

I don’t really care about our lives “intersecting”. Never have. I knew this day would come and I’m fine with it. You are not the kind of woman I’ll ever want to be around. Not at the moment, anyway. You could grow, who knows? But I doubt it, since you are older than I am and still an immature twit.

Sincerely,
The EVIL Ex

To my friend who married this woman, I wish you much luck – good thing you have the patience of Job. You’ll always have a special place in my heart. You are hereby released from having to sneak and call me. And no, I don’t expect to hear from you ever again. I’m OK with that. You will be placed in the category Those Whose Neurotic Wives Disapprove. You can keep Dean company. :-)