Welcome to the 20th Year of Misangela.com!!

That’s right, folks, my blog turns 20 this year – June 21 to be exact! Can you believe it? My first post is about gender bias and it is still, sadly, relevant today.

This blog being a Gemini makes sense since I’ve ranted and raved and blabbed my business on the ‘net for TWENTY YEARS! Geminis are chatty, you know. ;) I don’t blog nearly as much as I used to, thanks to fucking Facebook and all the other social media outlets that keep me busy. I used to blog about daily stuff, news, etc., all the things that social media does for the masses now. Despite FB ruining true blogging, I still feel that blogs are relevant and should not be tossed out as outmoded. Same for websites. Again, thanks to FB dumbing down the collective IQ of the internet, people don’t even have sites for their businesses half the time. THAT is a mistake, but they really think that FB is the internet.

This past year was about transition and we’re still in it. I wonder if I’ll be a pub owner or going through bankruptcy on June 21 this year? Interesting to see what happens. I truly hope it will be the former and not the latter, but odds are pretty even right now.

I’ve not said much about the pub process, mainly because I can whine on FB and secondly because I just don’t have the brain power to write coherently right now. I tell you, though, once the outcome has been determined, I’ll be writing a fucking book about this process. It is yet to be seen if it will be a cautionary tale or a tale of victory.

Hopefully VICTORY. QaPla’!

Adulting Is Hard

Sometimes I just don’t know how to process things. Being deeply insulted by a friend is hard. (“I can’t think of anyone less hospitable than you!” in reference to my being in the hospitality industry.) Trying to not let it get to me is harder. Some people *think* they know me, but really do not. And as much as I try to show them my true self, they reject it and hold onto what they think my true self is.

I still like the person that hurt me, but I dunno. It’s like we never get past a certain level. I’d like to move past this, but I just don’t know how to drag them past their own blocks. And this person is very deeply invested in proving that I’m wrong and the way I do pretty much everything in my life is wrong.

So, I just don’t say anything about how I feel, and I know that every single interaction will be contentious. And I’ll end up with hurt feelings. Every time.

And somehow I always end up with the notion that it’s my fault. I know intellectually it’s not, but others tell me it’s my fault because I won’t capitulate and be run over by this person. If I thought I was being treated fairly, I might be more compliant, but I do not think I’m being treated fairly. Not at all. Not being allowed to speak and being lectured at is not fair, IMO. It’s not a discussion if no discussion is allowed.

Ugh.

Perhaps I should just walk away rather than deal with this? I have these thoughts after every single interaction with this person. EVERY TIME. Why do I do this to myself? (Because Nick values this person’s opinion – and he thinks it’s good for me to be wrangled every now and then, that’s why. I should not comply. But I do, to keep the peace. Again: WHY?)

Adulting is hard. So is blogging about being hurt rather than screaming at the top of my lungs that I AM TIRED OF BEING TREATED AS IF I AM TOO DUMB TO DO WHAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR ME. I may have a big mouth and be opinionated AF, but I still have feelings. Despite the press otherwise. I wish that people I’ve known for a long time would at least TRY to see that I have changed and I’m not the same person I was 15 years ago. Hell, I’m not the same person I was ONE year ago. I don’t need to be steamrolled, I need SUPPORT. NOT the same thing.

I think this is karma beating the shit out of me, honestly. I am paying for doing this to others. I recognise this, which is why I am trying to walk away when I get the urge to lecture. This year has been about learning how to ask for help and learning when to STFU and not talk back. I’m trying to learn, but dammit, I simply WILL NOT allow men to condescend and lecture me just because they assume they know more. Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t. But by the gods, if you start lecturing me and I correct you when you say that I don’t know something when I CLEARLY DO, I am going to talk back. I DGAF how much karma I’m reaping, I am DONE with being lectured and beaten into agreeing with the notion that I do not know what is best for myself or my business.

I’ve put YEARS of my life into educating myself about the restaurant biz. I’ve got 18 years of handling the business of restaurants. I have a clue. I’m SICK OF SAYING THIS TO MEN. I am also smart enough to know that there is PLENTY I don’t know, but I’m smart and I’ll learn. Dumb people open businesses every day and succeed. I think I have a better than average shot.

If you don’t agree, then fuck off. I’m tired of defending my LIFE. If you think I’m an idiot, then great, think that. But spare me the lectures and condescension.

Please.

I’ve got enough on my plate as it is. Either be on the team or not. Beating me down is not really helping anything.

My Spirit Chef

As some of you may know, having seen this in person, I do tend to get excited about my own cooking…

This kid (Merrill Howard Kalin, google him) is my Spirit Chef. Add a little butt wiggle in there, and this is ME when I taste my own food:

I do make some tasty food! Can’t wait to share it with the world at the Pub. :D

(link for this as well, for safekeeping: https://youtu.be/-FrpuPLYnvY)

My Checkered Career Path

I’ve done lots of stuff in my 47 years. I’m going to list off all the jobs I’ve had, the approximate time period and any comments about the job. I’m including internships and my rock n roll stuff, too. So, hey, guess this is my CV. Hire me. :)

First Job: Shoney’s waitress. During High School, early 80s.
Quincy’s Steakhouse: line girl
Domino’s Pizza: phones, delivery, pizza maker (Back when it was 30 mins or less!)
Long John Silver’s: Cod girl (aka morning shift prep) First full time job.

Got my first apartment around this time: Sans Souci Apartments approximately 1985.

Went to University of TN for a couple of quarters. Worked as Assistant Master Electrician in the theatre and worked security for concerts at the venue. MUCH FUN!! I lived with a couple of friends in a shitty student house in South Knoxville.

Ran off w/ the Mister Mister tour for a weekend.

Chili’s: waitress (awesome job, had WAY too much fun!)
American Favoritz Cafe: waitress (locally owned restaurant) Continue reading “My Checkered Career Path”

Family. Nothing good comes of it.

10 years later, and sadly, this still holds. My father died in 2017, but the rest of them are still just as fucked up. Aside from a brief visit for dad’s death, I’ve not been up there. No regrets. -A, Jan 2019

So today I decide to suck it up and call my brother to give a heads up that we’re not coming up to that Vortex of Depression for Thanksgiving or Xmas. We decided that we’re going to go on a vacation instead since it’s been a tough year and we don’t need any more stress.

He then proceeds to rip me a new asshole for “turning my back on my mother.” Um, what? Apparently he’s been working himself into a lather about this “feud” going on with June. Well, first of all, it’s not a “feud” it’s just me being tired of her shit. If she wants to call and apologize, my fucking phone # is the same, yanno? (Quick recap: Last time we were up there, June attacked us one morning and called us everything but white folk and demeaned Nick. June can say whatever she wants to me, I don’t care anymore, but getting Nick involved is unacceptable. I told her this, she knows she fucked up and she can fix it if she wants to, but apparently she does not.)

So, my brother then proceeds to trot out the old family nuggets such as:

“You don’t care about us! You left!”
“What have YOU done with your life? Besides get bullshit degrees that you never use?”
“Prove that you use your degrees! Prove it! They are bullshit and you never use them!”
“You owe us. Who helped you pay the bills when you were getting those bullshit degrees?”
“You’ve never done anything with your life! Show us one thing you’ve MADE.”
“You’ve never showed us respect! You were WRONG to leave.”
“You should stop being so stupid and just be a part of this family for a change.”
“If you respected your mother and father you’d call and apologise to them.”
And my FAVE from June:
“You are SO STUPID. Why do you have to use those computers? You’re an idiot because you use computers.”

All of the above is nothing more than their attempts to guilt and/or shame me into putting up with their nonsense. It’s as if my brother is a recorder of my mother’s propaganda and he just repeats what he’s told. And my response to the above accusations are:

“Yes I fucking left. Best thing I’ve ever done.”
“I use my degrees every day of my life. You don’t believe this because you do not value education. I shouldn’t need to prove it to you.”
“I’ve made plenty of websites, ads, flyers, logos and let’s not forget art. But THOSE things obviously don’t count, do they?”
“You are correct, I don’t respect you. I find you ignorant and backwards and hateful and I’ll do anything to NOT be like you.”
“I’m forty fucking four years old and I’m not playing the Appease The Family Game any longer. Sorry. Not my fault, no apology is forthcoming. I don’t put up with this shit from anyone else, why should I continue to put up with it from the likes of you?”
And to June: “Oh, I’m the dumb one? This from someone who can’t figure out how to use an answering machine and has to have emails printed out and mailed to her? Got it.”

I don’t put up with shit from ANYONE, so why in the hell should I keep putting up with them? The level of contempt they have for me is breathtaking! They lie to my face, stab me in the back, call me stupid, selfish, uppity, disrespectful and tell me to fuck off. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of insults I’ve endured from them. Then when I do just that and I don’t talk to them, that’s my fault too and I’m just being childish and causing feuds.

Let me put the record straight once and for all. I truly hope one of the luddites comes across this one day. They think I’m evil? Well, let me tell you what I think of them. If you don’t care about my family drama, don’t bother going past the cut. This post is for me anyway. I just need to get it OUT.
Continue reading “Family. Nothing good comes of it.”