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Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

After the fire and the memorials, Allen found out that his gig was ending a month sooner than expected. The company cut him loose with a nice severance package and with that, the move to Florida was accelerated. We had many parties and went out a lot for the next few weeks.

During this same period, Nick had a job change. The certifiable psycho that had been the IT guy at his workplace finally got sacked, so Nick stepped up to take over the IT duties in addition to his normal pre-press duties. Sounds real nice, but as of today he still has gotten no raise for all his extra work. The nutbag left the whole infrastructure of that place in a terrible mess which Nick cleaned up toute suite. If they don’t cough up a chunk of change pretty soon, however, there is gonna be a problem. So, although it’s a great opportunity and a real bonus to Nick’s resume, it’s also very stressful because Nick is working his ass off with nothing to show for it.

Last week, D/A finally got their shit together and got moved. They asked me to go with them (for some unknown reason), so I did. I got them into their small duplex. Allen and I drove back Thursday in pouring rain and I’m glad it’s all over. I’ll miss their company, yes, but they have people from here following them and I doubt we’ll hear much from them this summer. It’s ok.

While in FL, I called Nick daily to check in. On the Wednesday check in, I find out that the Bertha problem is solved. Bertha is his 1987 Chevy Celebrity that we’ve been nursing along for 2 years trying to avoid spending a large chunk of money for another car. One of his bosses had a 1995 Ford Contour sitting around that he decided to sell, so he hands Nick the title and says “anything over $500 you can keep”. Voilà! We have a 1995 Ford Contour:

1995 Ford Contour
1995 Ford Contour

It’s in great condition for $500. Bertha problem solved. Schweet!

On Saturday, we volunteered at our Decatur Arts Festival which is always a pleasure. This year we found a really cool ring that Nick is getting for me (finally!) to wear all-the-time. It’s a peacock Topaz from Brazil set in white gold. Hold on, I just did a check and it’s actually called mystic topaz and it comes in many colors. The one I’m getting has deep colors that’s called Imperial Blue. Heh, I like that! They make the Topaz multicolored by firing it in a kiln with titanium which gives it various colours. Cool! It also has a very interesting cut. It’s rectangular with square facets all over the top surface called a checkerboard cut.

The white gold one is mine!
The white gold one is mine!

There is so much flux and change right now. I’m having a hard time keeping up, honestly. This is probably the first time in my life though that I am feeling the changes but not getting swept away by them. I don’t know if I’ve reached the place where I can have the blissful detachment that the gurus speak of or if I’m just deferring the chaos for later. I want to believe that it’s the former rather than the latter, but I just can’t tell. What I’m feeling right now is focus. I am focused on getting my online presence straightened out and attempting to make some money from the internet. I am focused on reclaiming my life and doing the things I want to do, such as seeing my friends in New York and San Diego this year – as well as getting Nick up to Detroit to visit his family. I’m not afraid, but I keep thinking that I should be.

Is this the wisdom that comes with age? If so, baby, gimme more of that shit, because it sure beats the hell out of constantly reacting to events rather than observing them or foreseeing them in the first place! Maybe Oprah is right again: life just gets richer and better as you go along. Isn’t that a reassuring thought? Works for me.

[added 5/24/09: Just fixed the pic links and I wanted to add that YES, this is the wisdom that comes with age. It takes a LOT more to rattle me now than it used to – like when this was written 6 years ago. :-) ]

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Find your passion!

Sorry for the lack o’ posts. I’ve been busy with partying my ass off and doing PeeCee crap for D/A! I’ll tell you all about it later. For now, I’d like to reprint part of a post I made to a friend’s LJ just now. It’s good and I wanted to keep it, so here ya go:

“Find your passion! I’ve been working on it for YEARS and I’m closer, but not there yet. But I never give up because I know this is a process. You have to live the process and sometimes it just takes time to hack your way thru the brush to get to your path. Trust me, this is one thing that I know FOR SURE. There aren’t many things I know like that, but this, I do.

And YES, I do think that getting into the workaday rut kills your creativity and ultimately your soul. Everybody needs money, but only a few have the nerve to actually get out there, find their bliss and make money doing what they love.

Perhaps the real questions are: Do you have the nerve to follow your path? Are you willing to let go of the safe and sure to take a risk on floundering around and perhaps end up happy with your life?”

[Sadly, it’s 2015 and I’m still trying to find my path. I guess it’s all about the journey rather than the destination, right? Sigh. -A 5/3/15]

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Money and jobs

Well, last week was a quick one! I got rid of that shitty Rich’s job on Wednesday. Those assholes never even called me back when I asked for yet another HR appointment, so I decided: fuck it. They suck, it’s making me crazy and I’m outta there. I already miss the money, but with CCCS gone, we’ll be fine. So, now begins the stress of finding a new way of making money. I hate it.

Allen got laid off on Friday. He knew it was coming, but he thought it would be the end of May, not the beginning. At least he got a generous 7 week severance package plus the ability to claim unemployment until they get on their feet in Clearwater. This has moved up the moving timetable, however, which means less time to get stuff done before they go and less time before the goodbyes. I hope we can visit them some, but I know it’s not going to be once a month like they think it is. There is simply no way that either of us can take off that much time from work. It’s not like they are going to be 3 or 4 hours away! They are going to be about 8 hours away and that severely limits weekend trips to a minimum of 3 days. One whole day will be lost to driving. It’s going to be a loooong boring summer with no playmates!

Yesterday we cleaned out the storage space. There were a few boxes of rescued books and odds-n-ends from the fire. The wet books were covered in an interesting cotton-candy like mold. Gross! In the end, Dani decided to toss out all of it except her antique chair, some lawn chairs, a floor fan, and two small boxes of games and miscellaneous stuff. It was depressing to go through that stuff, but it has to be done before they leave. There is another pile of stuff at her mother’s that must be gone through as well. Not pleasant, but necessary. I hope the photos that were found haven’t been ruined from sitting for a month.

I talked to Andy Saturday night. His trip to San Diego went well and he’s pretty sure that he’ll get that appointment. The lab is doing very similar research to that of his Dissertation and he likes the guys. It’ll be an improvement fer sure. He may send Hobbes to me for “Summer Camp” while he moves and gets settled. He can take Hobbes back with him after Dragon*Con on Labour Day. The other job evaporated, so the San Diego gig is pretty much it. If this one doesn’t materialize, I guess he’ll be back here to tread water until something else comes up. I wouldn’t mind that at all, but his career comes first, so my feelings can’t get involved.

Today, I think I’m a bit depressed. Eh, I’ll get out in the sunshine and that should help dispel it. I need to pot my Gerber Daisies and futz with the HUGE irises. If I sit in here, the depression will just get worse, so I’m off to get outside and do something.

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Altered Realities

Well, it’s been a bit since my last entry. I just reread my political rant and I have to say that I’m pleased with it. I still feel the same, even as the “war” with Iraq is almost over now. It is all propaganda, no matter if it’s Baghdad Bob or our own media, you know. But this entry is not about our Bush Family Follies. No, it is about a lot more important stuff than that.

As the folks who read me already know, I and my closest friends had a life changing event a couple of weeks ago. I don’t want to rehash the event here, but a brief sketch is in order. On Sunday, March 30, 2003, my best friends’ house burned. They were to move out that day, only hours after the fire took all they had. They lost their beloved pets (a dog and a cat), a Betta fish and just about every single thing they owned. They did not have Renters Insurance (Do YOU??). It was horrific and it could have been avoided had their negligent landlord FIXED the goddam house in the first place. Bastard.

That event has set into motion some changes that I’ve still not totally comprehended. For those of you who know me, you know I’m the Organizer, the Jewish Mother, the One Who Gets Things Done. It was no different that Sunday. I put aside my horror, my fear, my sadness, my intense desire to commit murder, my state of shock and all the rest of it to get ahold of the situation and take care of the details. I called everyone who needed to know what happened. I scooped them up and brought them to my home to get them OUT of that burnt shell of a house. I organized the salvage of the most important items that day and I drove the truck myself. I took pictures. I organized the salvage operation over Monday and Tuesday to ensure that every possible item that could be saved WAS. I delegated jobs to the people at hand. I had Nick set up the PayPal account to wrangle donations from LiveJournal and other internet folk who wanted to help. I shopped. I washed clothes twice to try and get rid of that smell. During all this, I worked a shift and attended the memorial for the pets. And then worked some more.

Then I crashed. Hard. Saturday night rolled around with a 10 hour day at Rich’s (with more business than fucking Christmas). I came home and after some choice words with Nick, I collapsed into a screaming, crying mess. Then I slept about 11 hours.

After all this, I emerged. I was tired physically, emotionally, psychically. But I was also a changed woman. I realized how much I have to be grateful for and how much those crazy, disorganized, messy people really mean to me. I bitch about their total inability to clean up after themselves. But you know what? Those two mean the world to me. They really are my family – along with Nick and Andy, of course – and I can tell you for damn sure that had they been in that house, I’d not be writing this. As bad as it was dealing with the death of the animals (and it was bad) had anyone been in that house when it burned, there is no way on this earth that I could’ve gotten through that. No way. I’m strong, but I ain’t that strong.

So, I am grateful that it’s over and we’re all here, together. ‘Cept for Andy, and that is something that can’t be helped at the moment, unfortunately. This experience has altered my reality so much that I’ve not seen all of it yet. I can tell you that my misanthropy is at an all-time low. I can tell you that I say “I love you” a whole lot more. I can tell you that I thank God, Goddess and everyone else every day that we’re here. And this sure has put stupid shit into perspective. All the dramas of people pale in comparison to mortality. That silly “war” has also been put in its place.

I know that I’m not the only one whose reality has been altered. It’s happened to us all. And I, for one, am grateful for it.

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Today I talked with God

6:20pm

I talked with God today. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not like that at all. He was in the countenance of a little Indian man named Patel. We chatted at the sari store where I was buying sari remnants and some Hindu chants/religious music. I was rooting through the boxes of CDs, looking at the pictures on the front, trying to decipher which god/goddess the CD was for when God appeared next to me. He asked if I understood the CDs and I said no, so he explained which singers were the best and which gods/goddesses were represented. Then we got into a discussion about the Trinity and how it’s represented in Hinduism and how everyone, no matter what the outward religion, EVERYONE worships the One Power. Religion is the way we mere mortals try to understand the power of the All. He said it’s not the destination but the journey. He said if we’d remember that we are all one, we’d not fight. He said that just the thought of All There Is can be a religious experience. He said every single breath is our commune with God. He said when our minds are perfectly still, we will know God. We will know All There Is. He said that when we can detach ourselves from the drama of human affairs, we will reach Ecstasy. He said when we can understand the Great Nothingness of the Universe, we will be One with God.

My shopping today was not just for saris or CDs. It was God telling me to have patience and to enjoy the journey. It was God telling me that these mortal wars and strife are not important to our Journey. It was God reassuring me. It was God touching me. And I felt it, too. My tears of gratitude are proof that my heart got the message. Loud and clear.