So, another couple I know has gotten knocked up. I’m happy for them, truly I am. I’m happy for all my friends that have chosen to breed. I truly am. I must establish this before the rest of this post is read because the post sounds bitchy, but it’s not meant that way. It’s just a little venting of my feelings about what it’s like to be a confirmed non-breeder in a world that BREEDS. It’s not easy being so completely, abjectly and thoroughly disinterested in breeding when you are surrounded by those who live for it.
One more thing: no one and I mean NO ONE has offended me in any way. I’m not all torqued up by this, it’s just hard, that’s all. As you who read me know, sometimes writing a thing out helps me deal with it. That’s all this is: me dealing with it.
It always leaves me a bit melancholy when I hear the news: “We’re Pregnant!!” It’s not that I am not happy for them, but I’m sad for me. And not because I chose not to breed shutyo’mouth! It makes me sad to lose yet another set of friends to the gibbering delirium of parenthood.
I do not care who you are or how rich or smart or well adjusted you think you are, you will be a gibbering, delirious, forgets to bathe or do laundry parent. ALL new parents are this way. Women are much worse than men, simply because the care of an infant is typically put on the mother while the father goes to work (Even now. Amazing! The 50s live!). I’ve seen perfectly capable career oriented women devolve into unwashed baby slimed incoherent nannies. I’ve seen very intelligent women become incapable of finishing a single sentence or even a thought. I’ve seen otherwise lovely well kept women go into the world in baby slimed sweats, dirty hair and no makeup. Every waking thought is subsumed by THE BABY.
I suppose it’s an evolutionary thing, but damn, it makes me want to shake new mothers really hard and yell “Snap out of it! Take a damn shower!”
I know all females are supposed to have this overwhelming urge to adore babies and all things kid related, but lemme tell you: that ain’t me. I’ve never liked children and I’ve always loathed babies (they gross me out, man). I just don’t like them! SORRY!
I am happy for my breeder friends, truly. But I can’t do anything about the fact that I find the whole making babies thing a complete bore that lasts for 18 years. I can’t change the way I’ve always felt. With every “We’re PREGNANT!!” announcement I see, all I can think of is “Another one bites the dust!” I’m down to less than 5 friends who are not breeders. And it’s because they are young, not because they are not interested. They’ll succumb. ::sigh::
People who breed have the overwhelming belief that having a kid is something so spectacular it should be a spectator sport.
I know new parents don’t mean to be, but they are the biggest bores on the planet to those of us who are just not interested. It’s not that I think you’re an asshole or your kid is butt ugly or anything of the sort. It’s that I cannot muster enthusiasm for something that I am completely uninterested in. Babies especially are not that interesting. They are drooling, non verbal little beasts. They make their parents drooling nonverbal beasts as well. What’s to like? What’s so damned intriguing about how much the thing eats and spits up? WHAT? Did I miss a memo?
It’s really hard to be adult only in this world of breeders. I have to find a way to be interested in the fine details of childbirth, breastfeeding and all things BABY – whether I give a shit or not. I have to steel myself for the devolution of my wonderful, bright friends. I have to realise that parties are not gonna happen for them any more without logistics that would make Ford Motors proud. No more spur of the moment anything.
All I ask is a little understanding when I get frustrated. All I want is to have my friends! I miss them when they are sucked into the vortex of parenthood. I just hope everyone will cut me some slack when I really don’t want to talk about your baby. Sometimes I’d like to talk about the government. Or art. Or old cars.
Their silver lining is definitely my touch of grey.
I think it’s really important that there are people who have kids and people who don’t. For lots of different reasons. Not the least because diversity really is super important to me. Keep being the non breeder. It’s important, and I value it.
And, ya, I know this isn’t about me. I get it, I do.
i appreciated being told to snap out of it and take a damn shower.
and i’m not bitter or offended or mad that you are childfree. (just as you are not any of the preceding that i have a child.)
change is always hard, and i sometimes miss the time before – but my reproduce switch was in the “on” position, and the hormones made me do it.
i love hearing about your life and feelings – you never have to edit for me.
Thanks, girls! I love you both to pieces and I SO SO SO appreciate that you can empathize with me.
“the hormones made me do it” That made me giggle!
It is a tough row to hoe, being child free, but it’s good for me in a way – it has made me much more tolerant of irritations overall. I’ve learned that everything is a trade off and I must trade off some of my patience in order to be with my “hormone ridden” friends. It’s totally worth it, too. :-)
So, there’s that silver lining again… Albeit a bit grey.
And HEY! No one has asked me about the Dead reference. I don’t even listen to the Dead!!
oxoxoxo
No worries Angela, we love you no matter what. its good that you are the non baby maker, we need some more.