This is a theme that has been in my life since I was a child. Be truthful or be nice – with BE NICE being emphasized, most likely because I’m female. This has been and will ALWAYS be an issue for me. Like, why is it a choice? Isn’t being truthful the nicest thing you can do?
I get a lot of shit for pointing out the downside of things or pointing out magical thinking. I mean a LOT of shit.
But let me tell you something: if we’d had a friend or mentor who had been more honest with us about the fucked up pub lease/deal, maybe – just MAYBE – it would have kept us from losing as much as we did.
If I’m trying to help you by pointing out something you need to hear, it’s fine to not like it – who the fuck does?? – but do not attack me and turn it around to make it appear I’m just being mean. I promise, I WOULD NOT take the time to comment if I didn’t care. There was a study going around FB about why “mean” friends are the best. If by “mean” you mean that they tell you the truth, even if it’s not pleasant, then HELLS YES I AGREE.
I WANT my friends and especially mentors to speak the fuck up. If they had, we might not have lost as much as we did.
Why is it so fucking wrong to point out things that could cause another person harm or other problems?
We asked our mentors about the lease deal with the pub. They all said, “Yeah, yeah, six months free rent is great!” NOT ONE of them said, “Hey, what about build out funds?” NOT ONE. I’m not even counting that cunt realtor, I’m talking about our FRIENDS who own restaurants and had opened several places! I mean, really? Did they not get any build out money? Is it a white people thing to not ask for build out, so I only heard about it when I got schooled by a non-white person? I have no idea of WHY, but I know we didn’t get any indication that the lease was shit. Not until we had our consultant (non white person) come and and tell us to RUN AWAY from that dumpster fire of a lease.
Now, I’d already learned that white people pay WAY too much when building things. The white contractors were easily 2-3x more than the non-white contractors. I have no idea why this is, but it IS. I’ve got the quotes to prove it. So I can only assume that my white restaurant owner friends are just used to paying too much? I really don’t know what the deal is, other than what I learned while dealing with the pub bullshit, which is: white contractors are CRAY with the pricing.
Anyway, this post is about why people don’t want to tell you the truth. Random acquaintances, sure, they got no reason to burst your bubble, but in my mind, friends should always burst your bubble if you need it burst. If you’re my friend, then TELL ME when I am about to do something stupid/painful/ignorant/etc. Jesus, why would you NOT?
I call it The Stick; as in The Stick of Truth. And I’ll whack you with it. Without mercy. Why? Because if I care about you, I want what’s best for you and I want you to be your best, that’s why. Why would I NOT tell you when you need to hear the truth??? I expect the same from my friends. WHACK ME if I need it! Everyone gets caught up in their own bullshit at times – everyone! If just a few words of truth will snap them out of it, they why in the holy hell wouldn’t you SAY SOMETHING?
I will never understand it. NEVER. I will never understand the need for people to “be nice” when their friends are acting a fool.
We could have saved $70k if our friends had had balls enough to point out that our deal was shit. I am NOT blaming anyone other than ourselves, but someone questioning our logic would have gone a LONG WAY when we were freaking out trying to salvage an untenable deal.
SO, next time you have the urge to say something to a friend that might burst their bubble or snap them out of it, DO IT. You could be saving them $70k. Or a bad relationship. Or a bad job. Or even a bad life decision. THINK ABOUT IT.