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Post Tgiving Ramblings

Trek Tree 2025

I was going back and forth about writing out all my trials and tribulations since that’s all I do these days, but it’s that or not write at all, and I need to write. So.

Since I last wrote, Halloween came and went and the nastiest Mercury Retrograde I’ve endured in a very long time has finally ended.

We had a Super Moon on top of this Retrograde, and I paid the price for not listening to my instincts. Sigh.

I went out on Thu Nov 6 to make a quick run to Tower Liquor to reup supplies and get a bottle of Veuve Clicquot for my birthday weekend. I was feeling very unsure about going out, but pushed myself to do it anyway. Bad decision.

While driving on Chamblee Tucker Road, I hit a badly patched spot and it pushed me into a bit of curb that was sticking out – at 35-40mph. It was bad. Fortunately there was a neighborhood right there, so I could pull of just a few yards past the road hazard. I knew my tire was busted and I could see my busted windshield. It was a VERY HARD HIT to the right front wheel. There was no fluid leakage, so that was a relief. I was hoping that it was just the wheel and perhaps the suspension. I called Nick to come change the tire and help me assess the damage. I decided I should review the manual instructions about using the spare and good thing I did: my car cannot be driven with the donut on the front (they expect you to put the donut on the back and the back tire on the front. NOPE.). It could damage the differential. Great. So we called AAA to come haul Romeo to the mechanic. I was not going to drive him anyway with that busted windscreen and unknown damages. Good thing I did, he was VERY damaged:

– Bearings
– Hub
– Tie Rod
– Control Arm
– Strut
– Gravel diverter
– Alignment
TOTAL: $2980

New tire: $200 (somehow the wheel itself was not damaged)
Mount/balance $38

New windshield: $355

TOTAL DAMAGES: $3573 posted to our large emergency CC, which is now at about 40%.

Of course, I take to the phone and email to bring Dekalb County to task for this road hazard. Of course, they told me to go fuck myself. You see, Dekalb County is too trifling to have their own insurance, so when something happens, they see if ANY CONTRACTORS have been working in the area, so they can then force THEM to use THEIR insurance for claims. Nifty, eh? Fucking Dekalb bullshit. They don’t give a single solitary SHIT about anything going on, other than getting paid. I can’t WAIT to vote against the CEO (a stupid useless position in the first place) next round of voting. She is just there for the paycheck and sides with ICE and police teargassing citizens. CEO Lorraine Cochran-Johnson, you are a disgrace. I hope to get the office of CEO abolished, but not holding my breath about that one. If there’s one thing Dekalb is great at, it’s layers of bureaucracy and nepotism. The person in charge of pothole issues has FOUR layers of managers over her – all of which are determined to deny any and all claims. NICE.

The fight is not over, but I doubt anything will be reimbursed to me. I tried a bunch of lawyers and they won’t take on the county – and I was also informed that my car was “too old” to bother with. Fucking hell. I fucking hate lawyers and bureaucrats, so lots of annoyance.

This ruined my birthday, which was not a pleasant one to begin with. Big milestone one. BLECH. And on top of all this, some very good friends didn’t even wish me a happy day, so that didn’t help AT ALL. I pretty much spun into a 2-3 wk bout of anxiety and depression.

I finally came out of that crap in time for Thanksgiving. We put up the tree last weekend and the interior lights. Just the big tree this year and only Trek ornaments. There are 41 of them, so it’s not like the tree is bare! LOL We got the Titan and the Star Trek arcade game ornaments this year. I cooked a modest meal and had a good friend over. It was nice.

I am 100% exhausted by this year. There won’t be much going on around here for the foreseeable future. We’re selling some games to offset the Romeo Debacle™ and not doing very much in the way of xmess gifts. FUN. SIGH.

I hope everyone ELSE has a great holiday and New Year.

That’s all I have to say about that.

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End of Year Fear & Loathing

I just found out that Nick’s work prints out all emails. TWICE.

Wow, that’s really stupid.

We are truly astounded at the level of idiocy we see DAILY in all sorts of businesses – yet they somehow manage to make money. The Japanese game people, for instance, have no website. Only FB, IG and Twitter. And yet, they book cons constantly. They are very unprofessional at the con, too, with no table, no signs, no one taking care of their games, NOTHING. And yet…

We could KILL with a print shop. But we don’t have the capital to buy one. It’s our classic issue. We have the ability to run a business, just no money to start one. We run POAS like pros: table, signage, working games, ALWAYS someone at the table, etc. Why? Because that is how you do it! We are many things, but half assers is not one of them.

The pub was a very bad idea that the Universe saved us from – for which we are forever grateful. But it sucked down most of our savings, so now we can’t do SHIT. A print shop franchise is pricey ($45k plus space, equipment, etc.), but you get some really good support, so it’s worth it the price of admission.

BUT. No funding. We could manage the franchise fee, but not the rest. We also can’t get any sort of credit with a bankruptcy on our reports. So, as usual, we are stuck. Nick has to drive an hour to work twice a day to make someone else money. Sigh.

It’s easy to start a business when your family will back you. THAT is the common thread we see with these business owners who are clueless, but manage to make money. They come from family money and/or simply buy a business.

We have no support at all. No family money, only the money we manage to save and invest. So we KNOW what it’s like to have zero support and be on your own to eek out a living. We really wanted more for ourselves, which is why we keep trying to start our OWN business! We want to put our energy into something for US, not some clueless rich white guy who has never worried about money a day in his life.

These are the things in my head as we wrap up 2021. The pandemic has sucked 2 years out of our lives so far and 2022 will be another gone. I am OLD. This is wasted time for me. I am worried that we’ll never be able to have our OWN business, for ourselves. And that, my friends, SUCKS.

The games are fun and all, but make no money. AND we are too old and broke down to shlep them more than a couple times a year. POAS is strictly a side hustle and will remain so. BUT a print shop would be the perfect biz for us. With Nick’s extensive printing expertise (he is the Print GOD) and my admin expertise, we would KILL IT.

But it all comes down to money. Of which we have little. We are ok day to day, but don’t have much extra to go into savings or investments. I don’t see how we’ll ever be able to be on our own. And that is a real buzz kill.

THAT is why I’ve just lost all motivation and deal with depression and/or anxiety (depending on the day) constantly. We are looking at never retiring and always having to work shitty jobs we don’t want. I like MY job, but it’s extremely p/t and that will not change. I’d LOVE to take on more restaurants to admin, but that’s just not in the cards thanks to fucking Covid. Catering is done as well. I am at a loss. Nick hates his job and can’t quit. IT SUCKS.

So, hey, happy holidays and all that shit.

I’m just not into it. I’m too distracted by all of the above. I’m OK, but not OK, yanno? I keep doing the next thing on my list, but I feel 100% stalled. Like everyone else, I imagine.

BUH.

Sorry for the fear and loathing post, but I had to get it OUT.

//end whining

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It’s that time of year…

for introspection, angst and Fear & Loathing™.

Actually it’s not bad this year, but today I’m feeling a little maudlin. I didn’t sleep well for one thing and Missy has been waking me up at 1am for some reason.

When I think about my family, there are few good memories. I’m mostly struck by the selfishness of my parents and the sad waste of my brother’s life. What triggered me today was a piece on reviving cast iron skillets. Weird, I know, but it reminded me that my mother has my Gran’s (her mother) cast iron skillet, perfectly seasoned and ready to use. I’ve asked her for it so I can learn to use it and she won’t let me have it – despite the fact that she hasn’t cooked in several years. I cook every day, but NO I can’t have it because it’s HERS. Which is typical of her. When she handed me my great grandmother’s (her grandmother) fresh water pearl necklace, I almost passed out. I think that she’s starting to realise (at the age of 72) that material things are not as important as sharing history. I had to practically rip the family photos out of her clutch to scan them a couple of years ago. She’s convinced that I sell everything on eBay. Why she thinks anyone would WANT old family pictures is beyond me. I think it’s a control thing. She’s always been very controlling towards us kids – which is the reason why she has nothing to do with me and focuses all her energy on my brother, who is compliant. I joke that I put post its on the things I want from up there when she dies, but I really do. I will have the Oriental secretary, for instance. And that goddamned skillet. The rest, I know, is going to my brother the Saint. I’ll get nothing from the estate, of that I’m certain. He’ll get all the land, the buildings, everything. I guess he needs it to raise his grandchild which I’m sure he’ll be stuck raising. Eh, whatever. I really *would* sell that shit. I don’t want to live up there. If it were up to me, I’d demo the lot of it and plow up every foot of the 17 acres. Start fresh. What really chaps my ass is that it’ll end up in the hands of my useless niece eventually.

Anyway, my family does not make me feel warm and fuzzy, they make me feel anxious and stressed out. They are energy vampires and it sucks out every bit of energy I have to go up there. But go we shall this weekend. It’s a surgical strike, in and out. I’m sorry, Nutsville friends, but my family RUINS any kind of fun I’d like to have when I’m up there. I try to make plans to see people, but when they are done with me, I don’t feel like socialising. It’s THAT BAD. So I apologize in advance for not following up with the Cantleys and the Blues. :(

And then I saw a post from this day in ’03 when I announced Missy Kat was joining us. That was ELEVEN years ago. It’s hard to believe. But it reminds me that she’s old now and I’ll be saying goodbye to her in the next few years. UGH. She’s been MY cat. She torments and soothes me. She is my shadow. I’ve never had a cat quite like Missy Kat. She’s doing fine, but when I’m maudlin, I think about death and losing the ones I love. I do the same with Nick. When my brother’s friend Aron died at work a few months ago, it shook me to my bones. One day I say goodbye to Nick as he heads to work and I never see him again? I’d probably lose my mind. I don’t know why I think these things, but I’ve always been a worst case scenario kind of girl. It’s my Scorpio nature to think about death and dying I suppose. Bleh. Bad habit.

That’s it for my rambling this morning. I’ve got numbers to crunch and money to find. BTW, if anyone wants to loan me $15k or knows a rich person who’ll loan me $15k, you know how to get ahold of me. We need just a bit more money for the pub. Actually $10k would do the trick. Anyone? Bueller? ;)

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Be gone 2012!

This year is ending on a shitty note. We need more money in savings for the move – and spending over $800 on the Nutsville trip isn’t helping. My family is falling apart and I can’t do anything about it.

Ugh.

I generally do not like the end of the year, what with all the holiday crap and stress. This year is no different, other than 10x more stress and soooooo much pressure coming up in 2013. I just have to keep chanting: it’ll all be worth it, it’ll all be worth it… ad nauseam.

I hope everyone has a great Christmas or whatever you celebrate. We will be hunkered down with the cats.

Everyone remember to run outside on Dec 22 and yell: “The Doctor did it! He saved us!”. Or, yanno, NOT if the Mayans are right. ;)