This post was made before the pub debacle. Despite all that, I STILL FEEL THIS WAY. There are more notes at the end. -A
There are some things that I’ve learned over my 52 years of living. The main thing I’ve learned, above all else is:
Change is the only constant; roll with it and keep moving.
This pretty much covers it. I had a long winded post all thought up, but really, it boils down to this one statement. Change is constant. Fighting it is a recipe for unhappiness. I’ve seen it 1000 times.
And here’s the long winded post anyway! ;)
So many times I’ve counseled friends who are miserable, feeling stuck, convinced that nothing will ever change, with this advice: CHANGE YOUR MIND.
I think that people who do the same things for years, running the exact same scenarios but with different players, are people who underestimate the power of their minds and allow fear to squelch their intent. If you want to do something else, then change your mind and DO IT. Banish that soul sucking fear – learn to ignore it! No one can change your mind for you. You have to do it yourself. No amount of counseling will help you change your own mind to achieve your intent. I’ve spent so much of my time over the years repeating this mantra. It is the truth!
If you want to change your life, change your MIND.
I swear it! I’m not immune to getting stuck. Trust me, my 40s were all about it. I’d done pretty well in my 20s and 30s with changing my life and doing new things, but the 40s tanked. What changed all that? MY MIND, that’s what. At the age of 50, I decided I was done with being fat and being stuck. I got VSG. It changed EVERYTHING. Yes, it was a HUGE thing, but that’s what it took to shake me (and Nick, too) out of our torpor. Sometimes you’ve got to GO BIG. For us, we usually have to GO BIG for it to kick us in the ass. [See: pub scheme]
Sometimes random quotes stick with me:
“You get what anybody gets – you get a lifetime.” – Neil Gaiman, Preludes & Nocturnes
“No fate but what we make.” – Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
“If you believe in fate, believe in it, a least, for your good.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Habits change into character.” – Ovid
“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have trying to change others.” – Arnold Glasow
That last one is one that I have to remind myself of often. I want so much to help friends out of their particular self made tortures, but alas, I cannot. All I can do is keep repeating the mantra: CHANGE YOUR MIND. And entreat them to use their stubbornness to their benefit (CHANGE) rather than to fight to keep things the same. I see people use all their strength to remain in the exact same state they have been in for as long as I’ve known them. It’s not unique, no, I have many friends who are exactly where they were when I met them 15 years ago. It pains me. I want them to MOVE FORWARD. But I can’t make them move forward, can I?
I think it’s hard for people to realise that life is all about trajectory. It’s not a smooth straight line, hells no, it’s a jagged thing filled with false starts, U turns, backtracks and other jackassery. BUT as long as it is still going forward, I call it good. So what if you try something and it doesn’t work? So what if you see something shiny and it turns out to be just the glimmer of a bad idea? SO WHAT? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
You’ve got a lifetime. USE IT. Don’t sit on the same goddam sinking ship, rearranging deck chairs! JUMP THAT SHIP!
CHANGE YOUR MIND. Stop fighting change – use it to your advantage.
The rest will follow.
I promise*.
*Don’t believe me? Just WATCH as Nick and I open a pub. WATCH. We decided that is our hill to conquer and we’re going to DO it. Are we ready? Nope. Do we have enough money? Nope. But we have faith in ourselves to figure it the fuck out. If it fails? Welp, we’ll find another battle. We won’t die. We’ll pick up the pieces and move forward. Like we’ve done before. WATCH US. We live by these tenets. Every day. It’s taken us 20 years to get our shit straight, so it is not instant, no, but by the gods, it’s worth it. [And we DID fail. But it did not kill us! We are still moving forward, even during a fucking 2 year pandemic. We are still here, still striving. It has not been easy, but we’ve managed. The pandemic was the dark horse that would’ve KILLED that pub, anyway. So we are GRATEFUL that it didn’t happen. ONWARD! -Angela, Nov 3, 2021]
NB: This is a general post, not directed at any one person. It’s directed at the MANY persons I know who are stuck, afraid, mired in their dramas. I love you all. Your journey is your own. This is just MY PERSONAL writ of intent. I try very hard to live by these tenets. You do you. I’ll help you if I can. <3 [This is still true as well. I’ll help you if I can. – Angela Nov 3, 2021]