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Drizzly Moanday

I started off the weekend liking the drizzly rain – but now I’m over it. This is why I can’t live in the Northwest. I’d end up a puddle of goo on the sofa. A couple of days is all I can take of grey, damp drizzle. Ugh.

I’m in a period of complete and utter standstill. It happens after traumatic events, so it’s not unexpected, but I hardly need MORE demotivation in my life. I barely accomplish anything as it is.

As Moanday stretches before me, all I can think to do is go back to bed. Which is not particularly industrious. It’s not like I don’t have things to do. I just don’t want to do them. Including the evil exercise to keep the weight gain at bay. I had lost almost 20# but I’ve gained back a couple from the illness and subsequent lethargy. 20# ain’t gonna cut it. I’ve got 50 more just to make a dent. It’s daunting and I’m so tired of fucking dieting. It’s all I do. Day in and day out, I count calories and diet. I’ve done this for years. I can look at food and tell you its calories and fat/carb breakdown. But it doesn’t seem to make any difference. The only thing that will is working out for an hour every single motherfucking day and then I lose about 1# per week. It’s really not very motivating to lose ONE fucking pound. ONE. After exercising every goddam day. My calorie intake is around 1400-1600. I’m destined to be fat, I think. And when I think this, it seems silly to count calories and exercise every goddam day. What is the fucking point?

The fact of the matter is I’m old, I’ve always been fat and now that menopause and even LOWER metabolism is on the horizon, I just don’t think I can get ahead of it. I’m not cut out to be a gym rat. I DETEST exercise. It is a massive act of willpower to even do the treadmill, much less Jillian or Kathy on top of it. Especially when I know, deep in my heart, that it won’t do any good. I’ll be a fat old lady. I know this. Most of the women on both sides of my genetic code were fat old ladies, as I will be.

Ugh. Whine, whine, I know. It’s just a grey day and MADE for whining.

I’ll stop now and go put my fat ass on the treadmill. For what good it will do. Bleh.

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Delete Me!

I was trying to figure out a way to say some things. Too late! Eh, well. I regret that I’m sometimes too slow to try to explain my explanations and assumptions are made and anger ensues. In the long run, my explanations are never accepted as real anyway, so I should probably just not ever say anything to anyone ever again. Too bad shutting up is not my strong suit.

Instead, I’ve created a handy list of all the horrible things I do regularly that you can use to ensure you are deleting me from your social networks properly! You can use this Butthurt Form to place complaints and please feel free to use this handy list and repost to others who have had the misfortune of dealing with me and my little black heart:

– If you think my asking questions and offering solutions is an attempt to hijack your life and/or control you for my devious purposes; Delete Me!

– If you think my decision to let someone go is easy and just drama for drama’s sake; Delete Me!

– If you think lying, duplicity and sneaking around is perfectly acceptable as long as it is towards your ends; Delete Me!

– If you think my opinions and/or advice is in any way offered as “my way or the highway”; Delete Me!

– If you think that my posting about events in my life to try and sort them out is obsessive and strictly for dramatic effect; Delete Me!

– If you think that shallow acquaintance is the same as friendship; Delete Me!

– If you think that I’m not allowed to return fire when snark is posted at me but it’s perfectly fine for you to do it; Delete Me!

– If you find my input bossy and meddlesome rather than me trying to help; Delete Me!

– If you think I’m The Decider and Nick is my ass monkey; Delete Me!

– If you think Nick is a spineless twit and shouldn’t be with a cunt like me; Delete Me!

– If you think I don’t listen to what is said and try hard to be a better person; Delete Me!

– If you think that sticking by my opinions means I don’t listen to other opinions; Delete Me!

– If you think nothing affects me and this is all just a game to me; Delete Me!

– If you think that I’m not a work in progress just like everyone else (including YOU); Delete Me!

And finally, if you think my black heart controls all Pestilence and Disease plaguing mankind, then DON’T Delete Me! You obviously know what all this shit is about.

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Angela’s Ribollita

Angela's Ribollita
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Angela's Ribollita

**Recipe still under revision** This is traditionally an Italian soup with bread as a main component. Since we do low carb, I modified the recipe and added ceci (chick peas) rather than bread. (You can make this vegetarian by using veg stock and skipping pancetta.) I added smoky paprika, which gives the dish a really nice flavor.
Cuisine Italian, Mediterranean
Keyword low carb ribollita, ribollita
Prep Time 20 minutes
Cook Time 30 minutes
Servings 10 servings
Author misangela

Ingredients

  • 2 Tbl olive oil
  • 2 Tbl diced pancetta or bacon saute until crispy
  • 1 Med white onion, diced about a cup
  • 4 cloves garlic, minced
  • 1 red peppers, diced about 3/4 cup
  • 2 Tbl tomato paste
  • 2 tsp DRY basil
  • 1 tsp DRY marjoram or oregano
  • 1 tsp smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp red pepper flakes
  • 2 Cup spinach frozen, whole bag
  • 1 can white beans drained
  • 1 can ceci chickpeas, drained
  • 1 large can whole Italian plum tomatoes in juice crushed by hand into soup
  • 2 C chicken stock
  • 2 Tbl red wine vinegar
  • 2 Tbl L&P worcestershire sauce
  • 2 Tbl capers
  • 15 brine cured olives either green or black, chopped
  • 1 Tbl ketchup or sugar to offset acidity in tomatoes, to taste
  • S/P, equal parts to taste
  • 2 Tbl fresh basil chiffonade
  • grated parmesan and olive oil to dress

Instructions

  • Put olive oil and pancetta in a large stock pot over med flame. Render the pancetta. Turn up the heat to med hi and add in garlic, peppers, onions and tomato paste. Saute for a couple of minutes then reduce heat to Medium.
  • Add dry basil and oregano, paprika and red pepper flakes and let veg sweat to get a little colour - about 3-4 mins.
  • Add spinach, beans and ceci. Add in the Italian tomatoes by hand, crushing each one as you go. Remove any skins that may be on them. Add chicken stock – use more or less to your liking. Keep at a slow simmer for about 8-10 mins.
  • Add red wine vinegar, L&P, capers and olives. If needed for balance, add ketchup or sugar.
  • Add salt and pepper to taste. Simmer over low heat for about 15 more mins.
  • Add in fresh basil in last 5 mins of simmer. Check your seasonings again.
  • Serve in a big bowl with a turn of olive oil and a bit of parmesan. If you are not doing low carb, serve with a big chunk of toasted crusty bread.
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Illness = Reading

I’ve not been sick, really sick, in a long time. This allergy cum bronchitis thing has really kicked my ass. The good news is that I’m pretty much over it! Yay! Yesterday was a bad day, but it’s my own damn fault for not eating right and smoking on Friday night. The smoking has got to go. Bleh. Oh, and let’s not forget the Vile Organ, which has been causing trouble for a month now. That was bugging me yesterday as well.

The good part of being sick is that I definitely got caught up on my reading. I read Marie Antoinette: The Journey, Life with My Sister Madonna, Never Break the Chain, On Writing, Morality (a King short story), One Second After and I read The Gunslinger yesterday. I also read several comics, including Road Rage (by Steve King and Joe Hill) and Last Blood. I’m a slow reader, but so is Steve King, so I figure I’m in good company. :)

Of this selection, the one book that really wrecked me is One Second After by William R. Forstchen. It’s a disaster scenario book about what could happen if the United States is hit by an EMP (Electro Magnetic Pulse) and everything from the power grid to autos is knocked out. While I do think this book really should be required reading for everyone in this tech dependent world, I gotta say, it’s one of the most disturbing books I’ve read in a long time. Perhaps because it’s set in NC or perhaps because of the sheer plausibility of it, I don’t know, but this book scared the SHIT out of me. It really upset me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for days after. I have read plenty of disaster books, but the detailed account of a society that completely falls and becomes cannibalistic within 65 days is so very disturbing. I’d still recommend it, but just be prepared to face some horrific scenes.[I’ll never read this again. I banned it from my house. It is truly heartbreaking and it’ll make you wanna become a crazy prepper. You’ve been warned. -A]

I love biographies and rock and roll biographies in particular. Never Break the Chain by Cath Carroll is the tale of Fleetwood Mac during the Rumours period and covers the other incarnations of the band as well. Good read. Life With My Sister Madonna by Christopher Ciccone. It’s a good read, pretty much what you’d expect. I think he talks a bit much about Madonna, as opposed to himself, but it’s an insight into the rather selfish, narcissistic nature of Madonna. No big surprise there.

On Writing by Stephen King is the nonfiction tome that was written before and during the time he was hit by a van in 1999. It is part memoir and part instruction manual for the craft of writing. I’ve always loved this book and find it to be very inspirational. I’m not a writer, but I still find the overall lessons of ‘do what you love’ and ‘be the best you can be at it’ to work for any craft. I finished it and promptly gave it to Nick to re-read. We need inspiration!

I read a short story by King that is included in this tiny little book (a short story, really) called Blockade Billy that I found in the bargain bin at Big Lots (where I got Chain and Madonna, btw). Morality is a dark little tale that will leave you with a bad taste in your mouth. In a good way. I’ve always said that Stephen King really shines with his mastery of the short story. He can pack a punch with an amazing economy of words. If you’ll read On Writing, you’ll see why.

Now I’m on a King binge and I’m reading the Dark Tower series again. King has been toying with re-doing the whole collection and I’m all for it. I can see where some edits and rewrites would make the tale more fluid and cohesive. I need to get the newer version of The Gunslinger (I typed the BUNslinger – hmm, totally different idea there!) that he edited and reissued a few years back. I also discovered that I’m missing book VI, Song of Susannah, which I know I’ve read and I know I had at some point. Bah. I just checked the Wiki and King intends to rewrite the whole series. He will remove himself as a character in the later books as well, which I agree with. It was distracting to have him as a character in his own book. There is also interest in doing the series as movies or perhaps something on HBO. Normally, I’d be against trying to do a book series that’s so involved as The Dark Tower as screenplays, but I was happy with the treatment of The Stand as a miniseries, so if they can get good people, I think The Dark Tower series could transfer to the screen successfully.

And with that last sentence, I was drawn to Amazon, where I got the new(er) Gunslinger, replaced my missing Song of Susannah, got the newest installation to The Dark Tower: The Wind Through the Keyhole and The 100 Secret Senses by Amy Tan. I think this reading binge is going to last for a while. :)

I’ve decided that I’d rather waste my life sitting around reading than sitting around looking at Facebook. I will say, however, that as much as FB is a time suck, I’m starting to use it well for networking in prep for the move to Phoenix. I’ve joined a couple of groups and everyone has been so nice and so supportive of our move. Seriously, I’m blown away by how great everyone has been. I cannot WAIT to get out there! If Nick wasn’t holding the hand brake, I tell you, I’d be there already. We make a good team, my Weasel and I. We offset each other’s innate weaknesses and make a duo that is absolutely more than the sum of its parts. [Still in ATL. Argh. – 2015]

In other news, our illustrious host, InMotion, has been a huge pain in my ass lately. I’m looking at WiredTree and 24Shells as our potential new hosts. Their VPS deals are about the same as what I have, with WiredTree only offering phone or email support and 24Shells offering chat as well as phone/email. They are truly neck and neck. We’ll see how it goes. I’m loathe to move the goddam sites AGAIN, but at least these new hosts will do the dirty work for us. If InMotion can get their collective shit together, then we’ll stick. [They did not, we moved to WiredTree and have been very happy with them. WiredTree support can be too geeky sometimes, but they run a tight ship and shit WORKS. They are proactive with security, too. It’s the host for NERDS. -A 2015 // WiredTree got too big like they always do and we left them for Zweeko in London, which was ok for less than a year before the collapse started. We left Zweeko and soon after, the owner then ran off with all the money and screwed all their clients. Dodged bullet! THEN we got with Kualo, where we’ve been since. Kualo is also in London and they are not a new startup, so they’ve been pretty solid. Support is still spotty (like ALL hosts) but overall, we’re happy with them. Saving money with a shared host plan, too. 2020]

I’ve not been monitoring my eating for the last two weeks. Why bother? All I eat is mac and cheese and soup. My weight has gone down by a pound or two, so at least there’s that. The snot and soup diet seems to work quite well. Getting back into daily exercise is gonna suhuck.

The train of thought has left the station. I hope this week will end this allergy crap once and for all. I’d like to know what everyone else is reading! Tell me in the comments.

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Oh Well

It’s been a long, shitty week. The privet allergy became bronchitis, so I’ve been coughing up a lung all week. Hearing weird whistling noises from your lungs is WEIRD, man. I also had partial laryngitis due to all the coughing. Nick schlepped me to the Dr on Thursday (on day 4 of the odyssey), which was a totally futile mission. I got the NP, who immediately suggested ZPak (antibiotics) for the cough. WTF? Gee, overprescribe antis much? I flatly refused, because, um, I DO NOT HAVE AN INFECTION. Duh. Then she went out (presumably to look this up in her PDR) and came back with scrips for Zyrtec D and Tessalon (decongestant and cough suppressant, respectively). I wanted something for the cough that was keeping me awake, so I figured the Tessalon might help with that. But Zyrtec? Really? What a fucking MORON. I got the Tessalon and it was crap. It actually made the snot worse.

Friday morning, I do some more reading on bronchitis and see that what is really needed is guaifinesen (expectorant, which I’d been using, but it was weak stuff that didn’t make a dent) and that’s it. Something for headache if you got one. I tell Nick to pick me up some Mucinex D on the way home from work Friday.

Lo and behold, after two solid days of Mucinex D and ibuprofen, I have had two nights of sleep and I feel MUCH better today (Sunday). Fucking Drs. Why waste your time? Just do the research yourself, find out what’s indicated and go ask for it. THIS is why I absolutely REFUSE to pay for insurance. My Dr is a crazy Indian lady (NOT the NP I saw this week) who will pretty much do what I ask her to do. Works for me. I should have done more research before going in on Thursday, but I felt like shit and just wanted to be told: HERE, take THIS. Nope. Never gonna happen in this broke ass, subpar healthcare system we’ve got. You’re on your own, kids, just do the research yourself and then ask for what you need. It’s the only way.

Needless to say, I’ve been cranky this week with all the sickness and I’ve had lots of time to mull over (brood) on things. I’ve decided that, in the immortal words of Nick’s coworker Todd:

I like all of you some and none of you much. -Toddism

Words to live by. Ignorant, drama laden, immature people are just not worth the effort. I’m a short timer, kids, so WHAT THE FUCK EVER. I cannot WAIT to be rid of GA and start fresh.

But don’t ask me what I think of you
I might not give the answer
That you want me to
– “Oh Well”, Fleetwood Mac

Pretty much. I just might tell you what I think. I’ve been doing a LOT of tongue biting lately and we all know what that means: I’ll bust out with what I think at random times. You’ve been warned. There’s one person in particular that will get an earful if the opportunity presents itself. And this person will NOT like it. Not one little bit. Self righteous assholes rarely think anyone will call them on it.

We also missed Trek Trax, at which we had a fucking TABLE, paid for. AWESOME. Nick has a head cold, so he couldn’t do it alone and I definitely can’t, so we had to bail. I posted a note to their wall and asked that they give it to another vendor, our compliments, and I hope they did that. I know how much it sucks to have an open table in your vendor room and I feel shitty for bailing, but we honestly could not manage it. I hope they had a good con.

It’s been about 12 hrs since my last dose of Mucinex D. That shit works great, but when time’s up, BAM, time’s UP motherfucker and you’d best be re-upping in a hurry. I’m trying to wait and see how bad the cough is today w/out meds so I’ll wait a bit longer before taking more. So far, I’m coughing, but not NEARLY as bad as yesterday or the day before. The chest congestion feels like it’s much less deep than it was. So yay me for being a better Dr than the one I paid $45 to on Thursday.

I hope this crap is on the way out. I’ve laid around for a week and I’m going stir crazy. I’ve read two novels and started a third. I really want to mow the yard but I know better than to push it. I went out and filled feeders, etc. yesterday and practically passed out. So, I will resist the urge to do too much and try to entertain myself with books and quiet indoor things. I feel well enough to perhaps make some jewelry today.

Happy Earth Day!