The end is near and thangs are a-changin’. Inside and out. Let’s see, when we last saw our Heroine, she was sharpening sticks for the Board of AMUG… Let’s see what’s up now:
AMUG backed down with a whimper as we all knew they would when the magic words attorney and copyright infringement were invoked. I rock, they suck. The End.
I’ve been very busy with lots of inner workings lately. Although being broke sucks, I am glad to have the free time to work on my inner world. It’s a damn bit cluttered in here, I can tell ya. As some of you know, I’ve been doing Network Spinal Analysis for more than a year now. I got into it totally by accident, well, as much as the Universe allows “accidents”. I took a yoga class from Dr. Deana Guadagno and she lured me to her office to help me with my neck problem. Well, a year later, my neck problem that was actually a hip problem is not an issue anymore, I’ve done much creative work, I’ve become a calmer, more centered person and I feel great. Network ROCKS!
With Andy leaving soon, I’ve been alternately frantic with angst, depressed or in total denial. All this emotional stuff has left me a bit unfocused and that has shown in my work habits. I am lucky to get 2 hours of solid work a day before I wander off to do ?? I don’t even know what I’ve been doing. Contemplating my navel, I suppose.
But despite all this crud, my energy work with Deana has progressed and I’m at the brink of breaking through to the next level. I attended a Clear Day (a group affair with adjustments, yoga, Qi Gong, NLP and SRI) on Sunday that was supposed to just push me right on over, but it backfired and I ended up tired and pissy by the end of the day, with no breakthrough to show for it. I was bitter and angry at the time, but after a 2 hour nap and 10 hours of sleep, I awoke on Monday morning with more focus and clarity that I’ve had in a long time. I spent all day yesterday (monday) doing some therapy work that I’d been putting off for months and now I feel very calm and ready for the challenging weeks ahead. I’ll need all the calm I can get to be able to pack Andy into the truck and watch him drive away. God, it’s gonna hurt. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.
Not much else has changed, fortunately. I’ve got the new IndigoDragon site in the works – if I can get the freakin layers to work with MSIE5 Mac I’ll be happy. The layers work fine with everything except the one browser that is supposed to be the most compliant. Go figure. :-/
Today, during my adjustment, I felt a wave of such intense happiness, gratitude and love wash over me that it took my breath away. Talk about blissed out! I had to hug everybody when I was done. Since I’ve had so much energy trying to move in my body lately, my adjustments have taken on a life of their own. Most of the time I’m totally fucked up when I’m done. I mean can’t walk, feelin’ high, got the munchies kind of fucked up. It’s quite amusing! On Sunday, everyone was like this, and we were all munching like stoners. Heh!
Well, I’ve got to wrap this up and get to bed. I have a call in the morning and I’d like to be halfway conscious when I install the new hardware. I’ll write more as the difficult times proceed.
I just realised that I’d not finished my thought about privacy the other night when I wrote this. What I was thinking about was my revelation that I’m much more private that I thought. I mean, I know that I don’t reveal much about myself (despite my chatty demeanor) and I hate marketers and spammers attempting to track me and/or quantify me, but it’s deeper than that. Heh, it just occurred to me that I have a few friends just like me and it makes it damned hard to get close to them…a point that always bothered me. Hmmm. Well, anyway, I play my cards close to the vest and I think that’s the way it’ll stay.
All this came to the surface when I attended the aforementioned Clear Day. I’ve always hated group activities, but this made it clear to me in no uncertain terms that I’m definitely not good at group gropes of the emotional type. Yet, I have people drag me to them all the time – hell, I drag myself to them all the time with bad results. This, in turn, pointed out my inability to ask for what I need from people. Hard to believe, isn’t it?
And all this has to do with privacy, because I finally put together that being in group adjustments is part of what is holding me back with my energy work. I will NOT share my personal emotional crises with just anybody, and having a ‘breakthrough’ in a roomful of people will simply not happen for me. Ever. That was what I had NOT conveyed to Dr. Deana. My need for privacy has changed the way she deals with me and how I deal with myself, too. I now understand more about the way I tick and I think it will help me nurture the parts of me that I need to in order to grow. I feel that I can be much more genuine without having to be guarded now. I don’t know why, exactly, but that’s how it feels. Maybe because I know better what needs to be guarded and what doesn’t??
Ahh, the key you have found, young Skywalker!