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Inner Earthquakes and Other Oddities

Andy is in California now, but he’s coming in this weekend to do the graduation ceremony on Monday. It’s hard to do this, you know. It’s hard to say goodbye again and to let go of one of my kids [Hobbes the cat, for those of you who are clueless and think that I’d ever have a snot nosed brat], but I’ve got to do it. And with some semblance of dignity.

I filled space and wrote all about the wonders of Network last time, and while every word is definitely true, I must admit it *was* filler. Just me, living in the Land of DeNial. Call me Cleo.

I don’t feel that I need to necessarily spill my guts here, but I do feel that I should at least give up a little of what I am thinking about and feeling. I’ve been through a lot in the past month, and rather than try to elaborate on one thing or another, I think I’ll just give a list of the things that have at least hit the radar since we last chatted. OK, here goes:

* Painting is fun. And a cheap way to make a semi-shitty room look very nice.
* Does anyone (or two) really need 4 corkboards?
* I really love my newly pink (rosey mauve, actually) bathroom. I happen to have a pink bathroom fetish, thank you.
* Having only one sofa sucks.
* I have my doubts that I should do web design as a career. I’m not good enough with scripts.
* I have no career at all at the moment. My Mac support biz has tanked along with the other tech stuff. Thanks Geedubya, ya fucking little FUCK!
* I’ve decided that Geedubya is an evil little big money corporation ass kisser who has a Ronnie Reagan shrine in one of the rooms in the White House. It’s locked up so the Media can’t find it, but it’s there, trust me.
* The Center for Holistic Health is a death sentence for any hardware sent there.
* I’m such a newbie user when it comes to sewing machines. I’m thinking of getting one, since June [Mommie Dearest] has graciously [and disturbingly] offered to buy me one. I was in info overload and asked the sales guy to just stop with his incessant listing of every model and the 400 things it does. ACK.
* I’m not sure that having our Special Friends living next door will be without its downside. Like, too much of a good thing, ya know?
* Why are 20 year olds SO into drama? And so loud and obnoxious? Heh, could it be that I’m OLD???
* When will I ever get out of this money Karma?
* Why can’t I just sell everything and move to the fucking Aussie outback? Or the hills of New Zealand? Or Hawai’i? Cats. That’s why.
* Why do these inner earthquakes come upon me so quickly?
* My Honda will never recover from the Firestone escapade. Perhaps I should call the personal injury lawyer guy and see if he’d care to take on Bridgestone/Firestone…
* Perhaps all the money I need to get through the next 2 weeks will magically fall from the big Pin Oak tree outside. That’s the only way I’ll get anything paid, I’ll bet.
* I wonder if Andy will find some cool people to hang with soon. His lab is full of boring, classical music listening, Rule Nazis and they suck. Hang with it, And. The cool people will appear.
* I wonder if Hobbes will miss me? I wonder if he’ll miss his house and yard? Prolly not.
* Having to go on a special diet to cleanse my body of candida sucks. The upside is that hopefully I’ll ditch a few pounds in the process.
* I feel overwhelmed these days, but nothing is going on. Maybe it’s just general stress.
* I can’t get the IndigoDragon front page to work with the double rollovers. No one else can, either, but that doesn’t reduce my frustration with it, or my deep sense of inadequacy about it. FEH!
* Being Egyptian (Living in the Land of DeNial) is really not that bad. You should try it. And call me Cleo, won’t you?

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Car guys SUCK

11:30pm

Well, I got the Honda back. She is running GREAT, except for nothing being fixed. The problems the car has cannot BE fixed. The Honda Technician did a buttload of work on the car and confirmed that the valve job from last year was indeed botched, but he can’t make it better. So the bottom line is that I have damaged valves, worn bearings and an odd transmission problem that can’t be identified. But everything else is just great, thanks. [No damaged valves, it is the main transmission bearing that is the noise. It is 14 years later and she is still running fine – if noisy. Just don’t use these places, OK? Find a legit shop. -A]

Why do people/events keep making me have to talk with lawyers? Why am I being fucked with? It just goes to show that the Universe IS out to get me.

CAR GUYS SUCK. FIRESTONE SUCKS. GOODYEAR SUCKS.

That is all.

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Apartment Painting

11pm

I’m tired. Yes, plain old TIRED. We’ve been in a painting frenzy here at the casa (pix soon) and my place is totally trashed. We’re talkin’ no room to walk — what with all the office crap in the living room and all the bathroom crap in the office. Not a good way to be, fer sure. The paint fumes messed with my sleep last night and I didn’t have time for a nap today. On top of that, the coffee shop was slammed tonite and I was alone. OY!

The Honda is in the shop and I’m in a rental (piece of crap Chevy Cavalier. Do people really buy these shitty little cars??) paid for by the buttlickers at Goodyear (né Firestone) who are redoing all the work from last year that was done by an idiot who was later fired. Yeah, nothing inspires one more than getting shitty service then being told, in a chipper manner, that THAT guy was fired, and now we have a guy who actually can fix your car! Heeyuck, yeah, buddy, sign me up. GAWD, I hate car guys. Anyway, they are redoing the $920 of work done on the Honda and I’ll prolly get a lot of extra stuff fixed in addition to what they are redoing. The tech, Vincent, is an actual Honda tech and he is totally into fixing ALL the stuff wrong with my car. I certainly hope that I get out of it without having to buy some fucked up part that has died or something. The last fucked up part that died was a $200 O2 sensor. BAH!
[Do NOT EVER use a Gemini, Firestone or other shitty oil change shop for maintenance on your car. My Honda has a noisy transmission because I used that shitty Goodyear shop to work on her. Find a GOOD mechanic. It’s worth it. -A Mar 2015]

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Doctah Ray

11:30pm

Andy is now DOCTOR Ray. Wow! Finally! It was such a relief that I thought I was gonna burst into tears in the middle of his defense. It was intense. He is currently in Boston, learning the technique that he’ll be using at Stanford. They will be studying zebra fish. Hey, it’s better than RATS!

It’s been weeks, I know. It’s been a month since a Rant, but that is gonna change in just a few minutes. I’ve been through a lot and there is too much to say, so that means that I won’t say much. Funny how that works. :-> Privacy is one of the issues that I’ll be talking about.

My mother asked me for a page of letterhead the other day. It’s so she can give it to my brother’s custody lawyer to prove that I’m not a devil worshiper. (?) Whatever. Those people are just too ignorant for words. Don’t they know all about *this* site that worships all things of the Left Hand Path?? Uh, well, yeah, it’s not even amusing to me anymore. Just annoying and irritating. What my family does best…Well, I’m off to Rant…

soopa secret phrase: apples gone bad

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Calm Before the Storm, pts 1 & 2

The end is near and thangs are a-changin’. Inside and out. Let’s see, when we last saw our Heroine, she was sharpening sticks for the Board of AMUG… Let’s see what’s up now:

AMUG backed down with a whimper as we all knew they would when the magic words attorney and copyright infringement were invoked. I rock, they suck. The End.

I’ve been very busy with lots of inner workings lately. Although being broke sucks, I am glad to have the free time to work on my inner world. It’s a damn bit cluttered in here, I can tell ya. As some of you know, I’ve been doing Network Spinal Analysis for more than a year now. I got into it totally by accident, well, as much as the Universe allows “accidents”. I took a yoga class from Dr. Deana Guadagno and she lured me to her office to help me with my neck problem. Well, a year later, my neck problem that was actually a hip problem is not an issue anymore, I’ve done much creative work, I’ve become a calmer, more centered person and I feel great. Network ROCKS!

With Andy leaving soon, I’ve been alternately frantic with angst, depressed or in total denial. All this emotional stuff has left me a bit unfocused and that has shown in my work habits. I am lucky to get 2 hours of solid work a day before I wander off to do ?? I don’t even know what I’ve been doing. Contemplating my navel, I suppose.

But despite all this crud, my energy work with Deana has progressed and I’m at the brink of breaking through to the next level. I attended a Clear Day (a group affair with adjustments, yoga, Qi Gong, NLP and SRI) on Sunday that was supposed to just push me right on over, but it backfired and I ended up tired and pissy by the end of the day, with no breakthrough to show for it. I was bitter and angry at the time, but after a 2 hour nap and 10 hours of sleep, I awoke on Monday morning with more focus and clarity that I’ve had in a long time. I spent all day yesterday (monday) doing some therapy work that I’d been putting off for months and now I feel very calm and ready for the challenging weeks ahead. I’ll need all the calm I can get to be able to pack Andy into the truck and watch him drive away. God, it’s gonna hurt. That’s all I’m gonna say about that.

Not much else has changed, fortunately. I’ve got the new IndigoDragon site in the works – if I can get the freakin layers to work with MSIE5 Mac I’ll be happy. The layers work fine with everything except the one browser that is supposed to be the most compliant. Go figure. :-/

Today, during my adjustment, I felt a wave of such intense happiness, gratitude and love wash over me that it took my breath away. Talk about blissed out! I had to hug everybody when I was done. Since I’ve had so much energy trying to move in my body lately, my adjustments have taken on a life of their own. Most of the time I’m totally fucked up when I’m done. I mean can’t walk, feelin’ high, got the munchies kind of fucked up. It’s quite amusing! On Sunday, everyone was like this, and we were all munching like stoners. Heh!

Well, I’ve got to wrap this up and get to bed. I have a call in the morning and I’d like to be halfway conscious when I install the new hardware. I’ll write more as the difficult times proceed.

Peace.

Part 2:

I just realised that I’d not finished my thought about privacy the other night when I wrote this. What I was thinking about was my revelation that I’m much more private that I thought. I mean, I know that I don’t reveal much about myself (despite my chatty demeanor) and I hate marketers and spammers attempting to track me and/or quantify me, but it’s deeper than that. Heh, it just occurred to me that I have a few friends just like me and it makes it damned hard to get close to them…a point that always bothered me. Hmmm. Well, anyway, I play my cards close to the vest and I think that’s the way it’ll stay.

All this came to the surface when I attended the aforementioned Clear Day. I’ve always hated group activities, but this made it clear to me in no uncertain terms that I’m definitely not good at group gropes of the emotional type. Yet, I have people drag me to them all the time – hell, I drag myself to them all the time with bad results. This, in turn, pointed out my inability to ask for what I need from people. Hard to believe, isn’t it?

And all this has to do with privacy, because I finally put together that being in group adjustments is part of what is holding me back with my energy work. I will NOT share my personal emotional crises with just anybody, and having a ‘breakthrough’ in a roomful of people will simply not happen for me. Ever. That was what I had NOT conveyed to Dr. Deana. My need for privacy has changed the way she deals with me and how I deal with myself, too. I now understand more about the way I tick and I think it will help me nurture the parts of me that I need to in order to grow. I feel that I can be much more genuine without having to be guarded now. I don’t know why, exactly, but that’s how it feels. Maybe because I know better what needs to be guarded and what doesn’t??

Ahh, the key you have found, young Skywalker!