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My Philosophy

This post was made before the pub debacle. Despite all that, I STILL FEEL THIS WAY. There are more notes at the end. -A

There are some things that I’ve learned over my 52 years of living. The main thing I’ve learned, above all else is:

Change is the only constant; roll with it and keep moving.

This pretty much covers it. I had a long winded post all thought up, but really, it boils down to this one statement. Change is constant. Fighting it is a recipe for unhappiness. I’ve seen it 1000 times.

And here’s the long winded post anyway! ;)

So many times I’ve counseled friends who are miserable, feeling stuck, convinced that nothing will ever change, with this advice: CHANGE YOUR MIND.

I think that people who do the same things for years, running the exact same scenarios but with different players, are people who underestimate the power of their minds and allow fear to squelch their intent. If you want to do something else, then change your mind and DO IT. Banish that soul sucking fear – learn to ignore it! No one can change your mind for you. You have to do it yourself. No amount of counseling will help you change your own mind to achieve your intent. I’ve spent so much of my time over the years repeating this mantra. It is the truth!

If you want to change your life, change your MIND.

I swear it! I’m not immune to getting stuck. Trust me, my 40s were all about it. I’d done pretty well in my 20s and 30s with changing my life and doing new things, but the 40s tanked. What changed all that? MY MIND, that’s what. At the age of 50, I decided I was done with being fat and being stuck. I got VSG. It changed EVERYTHING. Yes, it was a HUGE thing, but that’s what it took to shake me (and Nick, too) out of our torpor. Sometimes you’ve got to GO BIG. For us, we usually have to GO BIG for it to kick us in the ass. [See: pub scheme]

Sometimes random quotes stick with me:

“You get what anybody gets – you get a lifetime.” – Neil Gaiman, Preludes & Nocturnes

“No fate but what we make.” – Sarah Connor, Terminator 2

“If you believe in fate, believe in it, a least, for your good.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Habits change into character.” – Ovid

“Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you’ll understand what little chance you have trying to change others.” – Arnold Glasow

That last one is one that I have to remind myself of often. I want so much to help friends out of their particular self made tortures, but alas, I cannot. All I can do is keep repeating the mantra: CHANGE YOUR MIND. And entreat them to use their stubbornness to their benefit (CHANGE) rather than to fight to keep things the same. I see people use all their strength to remain in the exact same state they have been in for as long as I’ve known them. It’s not unique, no, I have many friends who are exactly where they were when I met them 15 years ago. It pains me. I want them to MOVE FORWARD. But I can’t make them move forward, can I?

I think it’s hard for people to realise that life is all about trajectory. It’s not a smooth straight line, hells no, it’s a jagged thing filled with false starts, U turns, backtracks and other jackassery. BUT as long as it is still going forward, I call it good. So what if you try something and it doesn’t work? So what if you see something shiny and it turns out to be just the glimmer of a bad idea? SO WHAT? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

You’ve got a lifetime. USE IT. Don’t sit on the same goddam sinking ship, rearranging deck chairs! JUMP THAT SHIP!

CHANGE YOUR MIND. Stop fighting change – use it to your advantage.

The rest will follow.

I promise*.

*Don’t believe me? Just WATCH as Nick and I open a pub. WATCH. We decided that is our hill to conquer and we’re going to DO it. Are we ready? Nope. Do we have enough money? Nope. But we have faith in ourselves to figure it the fuck out. If it fails? Welp, we’ll find another battle. We won’t die. We’ll pick up the pieces and move forward. Like we’ve done before. WATCH US. We live by these tenets. Every day. It’s taken us 20 years to get our shit straight, so it is not instant, no, but by the gods, it’s worth it. [And we DID fail. But it did not kill us! We are still moving forward, even during a fucking 2 year pandemic. We are still here, still striving. It has not been easy, but we’ve managed. The pandemic was the dark horse that would’ve KILLED that pub, anyway. So we are GRATEFUL that it didn’t happen. ONWARD! -Angela, Nov 3, 2021]

NB: This is a general post, not directed at any one person. It’s directed at the MANY persons I know who are stuck, afraid, mired in their dramas. I love you all. Your journey is your own. This is just MY PERSONAL writ of intent. I try very hard to live by these tenets. You do you. I’ll help you if I can. <3 [This is still true as well. I’ll help you if I can. – Angela Nov 3, 2021]

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Bohemian Rhapsody Hilarious Lyrics

Bohemian Rhapsody Alternate
https://iwastesomuchtime.com/CharacteristicScaleLinger

Is this the real life?
Is this just Fanta sea?
Caught in a man’s lie,
No heat for my herbal tea.
Soapen your thighs….
Look at this guy’s old kneeeeee!
I’m just a pool toy,
I’ve got no buoyancy.
Because I eat zee gum.
Eat raw dough.
Get a high. Do some blow.
Any brand of pantyhose doesn’t really flatter on meeeee

Mama, I just tilled some land.
Turned some grain into a bread
Pooh smacked Tigger, now he sees red
Mammal life had just begun
But dinos win when life will find a way.
Haha…oowooowooo

In the meantime, we will try
If I don’t return your shirt, it’s not a borrow.
Clap on, clap off, nothing’s like the clapper
Toothache! My dentist has won!
Bend rivers with my mind.
Brain making another rhyme.
Good buy, everybody, $5 pizza to go.
Lotta fleas on dogs behind
My name’s not Ruth.
Oh God….ewwwwwwww

I made a man cry
Hi Operator, I’d like to place a call.
Hi-C and a little Jello in my hand.
Scarhead, scarhead, when will you kiss Draco?
Corduroy and spandex, very very chafing me.
Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico, Puerto Rico Mexico!

I’m just a door, boy. Nobody shoves me.
When it’s not on the floor, a rug is a tapestry.
Spare ribs are great despite your pomposity.
Even rum getting low. Where did it go?

Bushmill’s whiskey, we will not let it flow!
Bushmill’s whiskey, we will not let it flow!
Bushmill’s whiskey, we will not let it flow!
Whales don’t say thar she blows don’t you know?
Never stub your toe.
Never stub your toe.
Never lick me slow.
Larry, Curly, and Moe, Moe, Moe, Moe
Hello Lindy, hello Lucy, can I get a cup o’ Joe?

Four knees!
Four knees!

So you think you can bone me and shit on my tie?
So you drink a can of mead and leer at my wife?
Maybe, you can do this to me maybe.
Regattas are out, they’re gonna sail right by the pier
Oh yeah, spilled milk really splatters.
All the fun’s at sea!
Jerry Mathers was the Beav

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Summer Squash Casserole

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Angela's Squash Casserole

You can use zucchini or yellow squash or both in this easy recipe. It is my go to when squash are abundant. I have finally unlocked the secret to creamy casserole! Updated 10.13.23
Course Side Dish
Cuisine American
Keyword cheesy squash, squash, squash casserole, zucchini
Prep Time 20 minutes
Cook Time 45 minutes
Servings 8 servings
Author misangela

Equipment

  • 9x9 baking dish
  • Large skillet with lid

Ingredients

  • 1.5 lb yellow squash or zucchini or a mix of both, sliced 1/4" on the bias or rounds about 3 large or 5 small squash
  • 1 small onion, frenched (halved then sliced) 2/3 to 1 cup when sliced
  • 3 cloves garlic, minced
  • 4 Tbl butter
  • 1 tsp kosher salt
  • 1/2 tsp black pepper
  • 1/4 cup heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup half n half or whole milk, whatever you have
  • 1/4 cup sour cream NOT fat free
  • 1.5 Tbl garlic paste or paste your own garlic SMOOTH
  • 1 egg
  • 2 Tbl flour
  • 1 Tbl cornstarch
  • 1 tsp each S/P
  • 1 1/2 cups shredded cheddar jack cheese, plus extra for top Mexican blend or whatever you like.
  • 1/4 cup parm shred
  • 3/4 cup panko half cup if using crackers as well
  • 2 Tbl olive oil
  • 1/2 cup buttery crackers, finely crushed optional, whole cup if ONLY crackers

Instructions

  • Preheat oven to 375ºF
  • Put a large, deep skillet on med heat with 4 Tbl butter. When butter is melted, add squash, onions, garlic and first S/P. Cover pan, add 1/4 cup water and sweat veg until soft. Turn veg bottom to top for even cooking. If they start to brown, turn down heat. About 8-10 minutes. If it gets dry, you can add 2 Tbl water.
  • While veg is cooking, combine heavy cream, and next 7 ingredients. Whisk until it is completely combined.
  • Spray 9x9 baking dish with food release (PAM).
  • Pull veg off heat when soft. Layer about half the squash mixture into dish, making a single layer of squash. Make sure onions and garlic are distributed evenly.
  • Ladle in cream/egg mixture into baking dish, to just cover squash. Add a layer of cheese. Repeat for second layer. Make a third layer if you have enough.
  • Mix panko, parm, olive oil and crackers (if using) and top the casserole.
  • Cook at 375º for about 30 mins covered with foil. Uncover for last 10-15 minutes. The topping should be golden brown and internal temp is at least 150º.
  • Let sit for 10 minutes to set, then enjoy!

Notes

After many many times making this, I've finally gotten the sauce to the right consistency. It's not too eggy, nor is it too tight. I hope you enjoy it! 
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The Only Constant is Change

This year has been one of letting go. I’ve had to let go of my expectations of people and just let things be. That doesn’t mean that I’m not still hurt by people who I thought were friends but turned out to be…something else. Nor does it mean that all the unkept “plans” are going unnoticed. It’s hard for me not to take it all personally. I’m learning to do that. Change is the only constant. I am working to embrace change and stop clinging to old paradigms.

I’ve realised that expecting people to want to hang out is just not a good use of my time. Atlanta is huge. I get that. But it just seems that WE are expected to drive an hour to see ANYONE, but they won’t do it for us. Hell, even proposing meeting halfway is shunned. ::shrug:: We all have our haunts, true. But why are OUR haunts somehow less attractive? That is what I wonder. My suspicious nature tells me that there’s more to this. My inner demon says “you’re not worth it”. THAT is the voice that must be squelched at all costs.

So, we’ve turned our full attention to the pub. What else can we do? No one wants to do anything, so we’ll just entertain ourselves. I am starting to wonder if we’ll even have anyone show up for “friends and family” tastings at the pub. Given the lackluster responses of late, I’m thinking NOPE. Guess I’ll have to rely on employees to fulfill that task. And that is fine by me. I’m tired of feeling like a nag; nagging to get together, nagging to come to a party, nag, nag, nag. Ugh. Inner demon: “you’re not worth it”.

Whatever. We’re about to create our own tribe and for that I’m grateful. I’m tired of trying to break in (or stay in) certain circles. If we don’t fit, that’s juuuuust fine. We’re GOING to fit in our OWN place, that will be full of OUR PEOPLE. People who want to be around us. People who WANT to come to our place and hang out. People who appreciate what we’ve got to offer. Inner demon BE DAMNED. WE ARE WORTH IT.

As Beyoncé says: “Always be gracious. Best revenge is your paper.” And in this case, you can add “best revenge is your TRIBE that YOU create”. For once in our lives, we’ll be our own social point. No cliques, no half assed friends, no bullshit “plans”, no chasing other people around to have company. Just a family of our own making. I look forward to it more than I can articulate. WE ARE WORTH IT.

I know all this sounds so narcissistic, but I don’t really care. I’ve spent too much time trying to entice people to me or ingratiate myself into cliques. It’s time to complete the reemergence. I’m ready to let go of the past and start a new future. WE ARE WORTH IT.

If you want to join us, we’d welcome that. If not, no harm, no foul. But don’t expect invites, either. Friendship is a two way street. And I’m tired of trying to drive BOTH lanes. Fuck that. If you can’t be bothered to give us a modicum of support, even if only in WORDS, then you’re out. If, however, you HAVE been giving us support, even if it’s only words, we appreciate it. And WE SEE YOU. Expect spiffs. I’ve got things planned for the people who’ve been instrumental in making this pub happen. There ARE points for participation.

WE ARE WORTH IT.

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Harissa Coconut Slow Cooker Pork Ribs

Harissa Coconut Pork Ribs

Harissa Coconut Slow Cooker Pork Ribs
2.5# boneless pork shoulder ribs (sometimes labeled country style)
1/3 cup brown sugar
1.5 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp smoked paprika
1 medium onion, large dice
4 cloves garlic, minced
1.5 Tbl harissa paste (You can find this at large Kroger stores. If you use powder, use 1 Tbl with 1tsp oil.)
2 small jalapenos or serranos, finely diced
1 small can coconut milk (unsweetened, or half a regular sized can)
1 Tbl soy sauce
S/P
1 tsp coriander
Juice of one lime
fresh cilantro for serving

Clean ribs of all surface fat. Combine next 5 ingredients in a large bowl and coat ribs thoroughly. Heat up a large pan with a couple Tbl of oil and sear the pork ribs. Don’t burn the sugar, but get them nicely browned; season lightly with salt and black pepper. Put ribs back in the spice rub bowl and set aside. Put 3/4 of the onion, garlic, harissa and chiles in the drippings from the ribs and cook over medium heat for 3-4 minutes. Add in coconut milk and soy sauce and bring up to boil, kill heat.

In a crock pot, spray the crock with food release such as Pam and put reserved onions in the bottom. Layer in ribs with any leftover rub and drippings. Then sprinkle second tsp of coriander and 1/4 tsp salt over ribs. Pour the veg and coconut milk mixture over ribs. Cook on low for 4-5 hrs or high for about 3-3.5 hours. Feel free to add a little water or stock if you feel they are too dry.

After the ribs are cooked and soft, remove from the crock pot and set aside. Put a screen sieve over a small pan and strain the liquids into the pot (OR if you like a chunkier sauce as I do, just leave all the veg in there and give it a quick whizz with the immersion blender to make the sauce). Let the sauce sit for 15 minutes or so, to let the fat rise to the top. Ladle off as much fat as you can, then put the sauce over medium heat and simmer until it thickens. If it doesn’t get as thick as you’d like, add a tsp of cornstarch dissolved in 1 Tbl water and boil for 2 minutes to tighten it up. After the sauce is done and off heat, add the lime juice. (Adding lime juice before a boil will make it bitter.)

Serve over polenta or grits with the sauce spooned over and fresh cilantro leaves on top. Or serve with broccoli or other veg for low carb.