Posted on

End of Year Fear & Loathing

I just found out that Nick’s work prints out all emails. TWICE.

Wow, that’s really stupid.

We are truly astounded at the level of idiocy we see DAILY in all sorts of businesses – yet they somehow manage to make money. The Japanese game people, for instance, have no website. Only FB, IG and Twitter. And yet, they book cons constantly. They are very unprofessional at the con, too, with no table, no signs, no one taking care of their games, NOTHING. And yet…

We could KILL with a print shop. But we don’t have the capital to buy one. It’s our classic issue. We have the ability to run a business, just no money to start one. We run POAS like pros: table, signage, working games, ALWAYS someone at the table, etc. Why? Because that is how you do it! We are many things, but half assers is not one of them.

The pub was a very bad idea that the Universe saved us from – for which we are forever grateful. But it sucked down most of our savings, so now we can’t do SHIT. A print shop franchise is pricey ($45k plus space, equipment, etc.), but you get some really good support, so it’s worth it the price of admission.

BUT. No funding. We could manage the franchise fee, but not the rest. We also can’t get any sort of credit with a bankruptcy on our reports. So, as usual, we are stuck. Nick has to drive an hour to work twice a day to make someone else money. Sigh.

It’s easy to start a business when your family will back you. THAT is the common thread we see with these business owners who are clueless, but manage to make money. They come from family money and/or simply buy a business.

We have no support at all. No family money, only the money we manage to save and invest. So we KNOW what it’s like to have zero support and be on your own to eek out a living. We really wanted more for ourselves, which is why we keep trying to start our OWN business! We want to put our energy into something for US, not some clueless rich white guy who has never worried about money a day in his life.

These are the things in my head as we wrap up 2021. The pandemic has sucked 2 years out of our lives so far and 2022 will be another gone. I am OLD. This is wasted time for me. I am worried that we’ll never be able to have our OWN business, for ourselves. And that, my friends, SUCKS.

The games are fun and all, but make no money. AND we are too old and broke down to shlep them more than a couple times a year. POAS is strictly a side hustle and will remain so. BUT a print shop would be the perfect biz for us. With Nick’s extensive printing expertise (he is the Print GOD) and my admin expertise, we would KILL IT.

But it all comes down to money. Of which we have little. We are ok day to day, but don’t have much extra to go into savings or investments. I don’t see how we’ll ever be able to be on our own. And that is a real buzz kill.

THAT is why I’ve just lost all motivation and deal with depression and/or anxiety (depending on the day) constantly. We are looking at never retiring and always having to work shitty jobs we don’t want. I like MY job, but it’s extremely p/t and that will not change. I’d LOVE to take on more restaurants to admin, but that’s just not in the cards thanks to fucking Covid. Catering is done as well. I am at a loss. Nick hates his job and can’t quit. IT SUCKS.

So, hey, happy holidays and all that shit.

I’m just not into it. I’m too distracted by all of the above. I’m OK, but not OK, yanno? I keep doing the next thing on my list, but I feel 100% stalled. Like everyone else, I imagine.

BUH.

Sorry for the fear and loathing post, but I had to get it OUT.

//end whining

Posted on

About Pride Month

I put this graphic on my FB header the other day. Everyone assumes it’s to “celebrate” Pride Month:

Well, not exactly. When I told Nick it was just for giggles and I was taking it down because I’m SICK TO DEATH of Pride and the double standard that SO many of the Community have, he INSISTED that I make a post about my feelings and lean into it rather than just be silent. So, here it is!

I’ve been very unhappy with the trend perpetuated by mostly the younger set of queer kids that REQUIRES everyone to label themselves and also make sure to tell everyone they meet about those labels in great detail. Also, this is an AMERICAN thing. Americans tend to obsess and this is definitely the case here. The obsession with labels runs deep.
Continue reading “About Pride Month”

Posted on

The Help Me Nots

There are some people in the world that you just can’t help. Some are too fucked up. Some are too self involved. Some are too arrogant and know it all. Some are just beyond your paygrade for whatever reason.

Wisdom is knowing when to disengage without blowing up.

There are a few people that I am friends with that I just can’t be involved with in anything more than a social way. And that’s fine. Social friends have their place! But it’s difficult to navigate interactions with them. I naturally want to help with problems, and this group is just not down with that for various reasons. SO I have to withdraw. Leave them to their own devices. And I’ve got to do this without holding grudges, which I am prone to do.

TRICKSY.

This is part of the reason that I am pretty much an island amongst people. I just don’t trust anyone and I come across as controlling when I just want to help. Me helping is offering information and solutions. Most people don’t appreciate that and don’t want it, I’ve found.

So I have learned to just back away from whatever conversation is being had where I am suddenly faced with pedantic replies by people who don’t even know SHIT about what is being discussed. I simply will NOT argue semantics over some small thing when I only chimed in to help. NOPE. I’ll delete my part of the convo and move on. Facebook is on my shit list now anyway. I really am SICK TO DEATH of the pedantic bullshit slung over there. There are a couple of people who are the definition of pedantic and I must endeavor to avoid them. They really piss me off.

While my reaction is justified, there is one person in particular who LIVES to argue pedantically about every little thing, meanwhile not really knowing anything about the subject. VERY ANNOYING. I like this person in general, socially, but MAN, I cannot deal with them beyond that. So, I deleted my part of the two threads and I am trying not to hold a grudge about it. I’d like to say I won’t. But I probably will. Sorry, you treat me with disdain and pedantic arguments often enough and I certainly will not forget it. Meh.

Anyway, there’s my Friday thought for the day. Now, to move on and have a great day! No more FB! :)

Posted on

The Death of Intellect

in·tel·lect
/’in(t)l,ekt/
noun
The faculty of reasoning and understanding objectively, especially with regard to abstract or academic matters.

Every single day I see the severe lack of intellect of humans on this planet. OF COURSE it’s obvious in the US with hillbillies running rampant with their conspiracy theories, science denial and cultish behavior. But it’s not just here, it is endemic.

Facebook is the shining star of showing just how fucking idiotic people are and NextDoor is the shining star for old people who think it is FB. Every single day I see stupid posts, stupid comments and just overall mournfully moronic evidence that the human species is definitely on the downward trend.

If I had a dollar for every comment that asks for information that is in the goddam post, I’d retire to the South of France and never be heard from again.

I weep for the complete lack of intellect that I see daily. People who cannot understand even the simplest concept. People who cannot discern blatant lies from truth. People who cannot discriminate between reality and unreality.

Lack of intellect encompasses all the people who refuse to find out information on their own. Every day, I see people who are begging for help from everyone else, yet they have done absolutely NOTHING to help themselves. Example:

There is a guy on ND, begging for help and money for his bizarre health condition. He’s run up $600k of medical bills for nothing more than TESTS. He has not had ONE SINGLE THING done about the condition. Just tests. And he’s begging for money for MORE tests. He simple does what the Drs tell him to do – over and over again – never once questioning the redundant tests or the lack of ACTUAL treatment. The particular ailment has a LARGE psychological part to it, that I found in a 10 second Google search that sent me to NIH documents. Of course this guy has never even googled the ailment. And of course he’s not seen a shrink for anxiety because he’s been too busy getting medical tests done. I gave him the search link to the NIH, which contained MANY medical research excerpts about this ailment. My comment was completely ignored by the myriad people busily advising him to get more insurance and get more tests.

This guy has no desire to help himself. Clearly. He’d rather whine and have the other intellectual zeros whine with him. Not being able to discern the difference between continuous, redundant TESTING and getting actual MEDICAL CARE is a perfect example of zero intellect. It is rampant in this country, which is why horrible medical care is still happening. Americans are too intellectually stunted to understand that our system is FUCKED and we should dump it. Immediately. I still see people who say insurance is the only way! Why? Because they don’t even understand that large companies SUBSIDIZE insurance, so you pay only a fraction of the actual cost of premiums and they think that medical care actually costs what the insurance companies SAY it costs. They do NOT.

Another example: Willful ignorance. Being willfully ignorant does not absolve anyone from supporting that fascist, racist, misogynist piece of shit T****. And YES you are willfully ignorant if you STILL support T****. Voting for him once MIGHT get a pass, but voting for him twice is just plain stupid. Voting for him TWICE shows that NONE of his bullshit is a deal breaker for you, therefore, you are complicit in EVERYTHING that has happened. You condone everything T**** stands for and you are an ignorant asshole. Period. You are an intellectual ZERO.

It feels like it is getting worse, but I have to cut young people slack for being young. Young people have been raised in shitty schools with nothing more than multiple choice tests, which does nothing for learning to THINK, but they are also young and have no experience, either.

But people who are my age (Gen X, I’m looking at YOU) should have enough experience to overcome shitty schooling and should have a bit more intellect to call upon. Alas, I don’t see that. Gen X seems to be about as bad as Boomers for being unable to navigate information and discerning truth from fiction.

I have no fixes for any of this, mind you, I just felt the need to bitch about the morons I see online every single day. I struggle to keep my own intellect intact while withstanding the onslaught of DUMB.

It’s obvious the human race is on the decline. We’ll end ourselves, I’m sure of it. And I really think the Earth will be better for it. The Earth will carry on, repair the damage we’ve done and perhaps a new species will arise that has more sense. Perhaps it will be dolphins and they’ll appreciate all the fish.

Posted on

Adulting Is Hard

Sometimes I just don’t know how to process things. Being deeply insulted by a friend is hard. (“I can’t think of anyone less hospitable than you!” in reference to my being in the hospitality industry.) Trying to not let it get to me is harder. Some people *think* they know me, but really do not. And as much as I try to show them my true self, they reject it and hold onto what they think they know – despite it being 15 years out of date.

I am letting go of the person who hurt me – again. It’s like we never get past a certain level and he seriously enjoys being demeaning and mean to me. This person is very deeply invested in proving that I’m wrong and the way I do pretty much everything in my life is wrong. He is absolutely not worth the effort.

In the past, I’d say nothing about how I feel, and I know that every single interaction will be contentious. And I’d end up with hurt feelings. Every time. Nick is oblivious to this, apparently.

And somehow I always end up with the notion that it’s my fault. I know intellectually it’s not, but Nick tells me it’s my fault because I won’t capitulate and be run over by this person. If I thought I was being treated fairly, I might be more compliant, but I do not think I’m being treated fairly. Not at all. Not being allowed to speak and being lectured at is not fair, IMO. It’s not a discussion if no discussion is allowed.

Nick values this person’s opinion – and he thinks it’s good for me to be wrangled every now and then. And this is why we had a huge fight over it. The person in question has been deleted. No regrets.

Adulting is hard. So is blogging about being hurt rather than screaming at the top of my lungs that I AM TIRED OF BEING TREATED AS IF I AM TOO DUMB TO DO WHAT IS APPROPRIATE FOR ME. I may have a big mouth and be opinionated AF, but I still have feelings. Despite the press otherwise. I wish that people I’ve known for a long time would at least TRY to see that I have changed and I’m not the same person I was 15 years ago. Hell, I’m not the same person I was ONE year ago. I don’t need to be steamrolled, I need SUPPORT. NOT the same thing.

This year has been about learning how to ask for help and learning when to STFU and not talk back. I’m trying to learn, but dammit, I simply WILL NOT allow men to condescend and lecture me just because they assume they know more. Perhaps they do, perhaps they don’t. But by the gods, if you start lecturing me and I correct you when you say that I don’t know something when I CLEARLY DO, I am going to talk back. I am DONE with being lectured and beaten into agreeing with the notion that I do not know what is best for myself or my business.

If you don’t agree, then fuck off. I’m tired of defending my LIFE. If you think I’m an idiot, then great, think that. But spare me the lectures and condescension.

I’ve got enough on my plate as it is. Either be on the team or not.