They only call me with bad news, the family. My dad called today to tell me that my Granny is on her way out. He sounded pretty shitty himself. The COPD is really bad when the pollution is high like it is now.
This is not a surprise. They stuck her in a home and she’s been losing her mind ever since. It’s taken a coupla years, but she’s finally succumbing to dementia and has been reduced to a raving lunatic. They tell me she rants nothing but curses and “Help Me!!”. It breaks my heart. Again I wonder why we can’t put humans out of their misery like we do our pets. It’s just not right.
After hearing this news, I’m doubly glad I did not choose to go see her a couple of weeks ago. I really do not want to lose my last memories of her at home, chatting with us, having a good day. That is the memory I want and that’s the memory I have. You may think me selfish for this, but I have to differ with you. Going to see her now would not impact her at all, it would only impact me in a negative way. I really don’t see the point in that. If she was lucid, that’s one thing, but she’s not. She hasn’t been for quite a while. So I stand by my decision to remember her as she was rather than as she is now.
Once she’s crossed over I’ll write a long post about my memories of Granny. Until then, it’s the waiting. I look forward to her crossing. It will end this horrible existence for her and she will be happy then. May the goddess bless her soul.
Oh honey, I hate to hear this :( So very similar to my own sweet Mammaw that passed away a year & a half ago. She was in so much pain for days up until she finally passed. I wished the same thing for her then. I’ll keep your Granny (and you) in my thoughts. I hope she passes quickly & peacefully.
Ang, your post breaks my heart and I completely understand. I have seen losing family from several angles. Daddy passed away suddenly so I had lots of feelings of “unfinished business” or “I should have said…” and I even struggled to try to remember EXACTLY the last time I saw him and what I said. He and I had only gotten to the point in the last year or two before he died to actually say “I love you”. When my aunt, Penina, passed in December a week after my friend Laura passed, I saw the suffering side. Laura was in a coma the last week or so of her life and Penina went into the hospital that way ~ both were put on life support ~ both passed peacefully but I wondered about suffering ~ and the purpose of keeping the machines on ~ its for us and not them. Your memories are more precious than those last days and hours on a machine because in reality, they are not there…they are passing or crossing over as you say. I have learned that everyone grieves differently and its important to respect that of other people. So dig up those beautiful memories, the pictures, the home movies, and celebrate her life and the wonderful gems (memories) she gave you and celebrate that and that her life is not spent in limbo on a machine.
Prayers and good thoughts for your family sweetie…lean on that hubby of yours and your friends to reinforce the positive. We love you and if you need ANYTHING, you holler at me. ok?
(is this the granny that lived on Emory Road?)
I personally think it’s really jacked up to not help people who are suffering. :( And then I think it’s just as bad when people are like ANIMALS/PETS <<<<<<< HUMANS. Um, why to both? Why would you want someone to suffer to "protect" their life? What are you protecting them from, truly. It's disgusting.
I don't know if you guys have HBO but the Kevorkian movie was amazing! It only made it worse for me to see real footage of people, sound of mind, to beg to end their misery and have others in power tell them essentially to suck it up because of some archaic, religiously oppressive views still in place. :(
I hope your grandmother's suffering ends swiftly. <3