Ok, y’all. I have an confession. Some of you will gasp and clutch your pearls. Don’t judge!
I.
Don’t.
Like.
Star.
Wars.
There, I said it. I saw the original in 77. I was not impressed. I’ve seen all the movies. I am still not impressed. We attempted (and abandoned) watching Star Wars: A New Hope last night. (Watched Star Trek the Motion Picture instead.)
I’m REALLY sorry SW fans, I am. But these movies are badly written, the characters are weak, the dialog insipid (fake accents FTW!), and it’s all FLAT. Another confession:
I.
Cannot.
Stand.
George.
Lucas.
He is a hack and I don’t like ANY of this crap films. He couldn’t write a character or dialog if his life depended on it. He doesn’t even stand by HIS OWN FILMS. He edits and changes them at his whim, for no apparent reason. NOT COOL. I think Lucas is a nutbag, honestly.
All that being said, I absolutely DO think the effects, both cgi and practical, are amazing. I DO acknowledge that if not for Star Wars, I probably would not have my beloved Star Trek movies/franchises.
I am a fairly hardcore Trek nerd. I can identify most of the ships, have watched all the movies and series many, many times and follow the actors to this day on social media. I recognise the various languages – hell I’ve got Vulcan calligraphy (Live Long And Prosper) on my arm!
I saw Star Trek The Motion Picture on HBO in probably ’80-’81. From the first viewing, it had me. I was hooked. Yes, the effects were crap and the uniforms were horrid. There was plenty to pick at as far as quality, but still, I was enthralled. What was the thing that got me? It was the scene when they found out that Vger was actually the Voyager probe that had become sentient with all the knowledge of the universe.
This reveal gave me a huge lightbulb: WHAT IF?
What IF the Voyager probe amassed all the knowledge of the universe? What IF it became sentient? What IF it returned to Earth to find its maker? If that doesn’t intrigue you, then I don’t know what would. I watched that film every time it came on HBO. (I also watched Demon Seed every time it was on HBO, but that’s another story! LOL)
Star Wars just doesn’t ask questions that intrigue me. Star Wars is sloppy with story and the characters are forgettable. For instance, the scene where Luke finds Obi Wan and Obi Wan tells Luke that his father was a Jedi and his family had hidden this fact from Luke. Mark Hamill has ZERO reaction. Zero. He doesn’t react nor does he even question this. ?? That is bad character development and horrible script writing. I really don’t care about any of the characters in SW. There are no big questions in SW, other than Did Han Shoot First? or Did Leia Kiss Her Brother? Neither of these can be confirmed because Lucas recut the movie so much. In any case: Who cares? Not I.
Does this mean I’ll not see the new movie? Of course not! Even though I’m not a SW geek, that doesn’t mean that I want to miss out on the biggest nerd event of the season! We won’t be there opening week, but we’ll see it for sure.
I’m just happy to get rid of JJ Abrams and his fucking lens flare. You SW people can HAVE HIM. :)